I have been caregiving in my own home since 1985. Recently my sister who visits 4-5 times a year turned me in to the APS & the case was

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closed after showing records since my fathers death. Has anyone experienced this from a sibbling that tells you mom and dad are your problem...not mine?


No but I got turned in to APS by a home care nurse and was interagated by a big fat dame later on found she was not a social worker only a case worker and nothing came out of it because I reported her to a politian running for office who happed to have something to do with social service in our state. My daughter works for social service in another county and she said APS has no power and you do not have to give them any information .
My Mom lives with my wife and myself now, and my only sibling is in another state and unable to help do to her own difficulties, so it falls on us alone as well.

But we had the same situation, only it was my mom's niece who called her in. We had been trying for five years to get her into a better situation, ie living with us, building her a new home, etc, but the bad economy stymied all our efforts. We had asked relatives over and over for help taking care of Mom and helping us clean her house etc, but no one would help unless we paid them. The only positive thing is that it did get Mom out of her house, but it was very stressful for my mom and for us, and has destroyed our extended family relationships. She is now living with us in a too-small house, but we are coping. She does not know it was our relative who reported her, but it rankles my wife and myself to know this.

This cousin also called the police to come and arrest me when I picked my mom up from my aunt's house to bring her home; even though my mom's sister was there when I picked her up, and helped us load the car. (Mom went to stay with them for a couple days after her home was condemned, until we could get our home ready.) The police officer told us that they'd been called because "someone said they were told by the social worker to call the police if (Mom) left their home with anyone." The police officer made some called and eventually told us who had made the call, and he said he saw nothing at all wrong with Mom being with us. Our case worker from APS called us the next day to assure us that she had said no such thing, and that as far as she was concerned, Mom was safe and the case was closed.

Incidentally, this is the same relative who tricked my mom into buying a worthless piece of family land for way over the value, which ended up costing her most of her retirement savings. If she'd not used that money, we'd have a new home for her right now.

My Mom and my late Dad were always the first in line if anyone in the family needed help, financial or otherwise. Now no one in the family will help my mom when we need some help. This same cousin informed my mom, when she called to ask for help getting our one car fixed so we could get her to her doctor appointments and cancer treatments, that "Well, you can call social services and they'll arrange transportation." My Mom and Dad took care of this cousin and her siblings for a year while my aunt was in the hospital when they were young, and this is how she repays that.

I have had it with the family from now on. They won't help, all they want to do is grab all her money, such as it pathetically is, and manipulate her and make her feel bad. Mom is the most open hearted, generous woman in the world, and it burns me that her own family is treating her like this. My grandparents were not like this, so I have no idea where this part of the family gets this greedy, nasty bent.

My wife's family has been more supportive and helpful than my blood kin, as have friends and neighbors. The only advice I can offer you is to watch these relatives like a hawk, limit their access to your parent, and do whatever you need to do legally to protect yourselves. Make your own family with friends and inlaws and neighbors and forget the blood relations. And make sure if there's a will or an estate, that it is kept out of their hands!

If you are not already doing it, I would also suggest you get some family counseling to help all of you deal with this betrayal. You are under enough stress as a caregiver, and your parent is grieving the loss of independence and age and this betrayal. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourselves and get the help you need.

God bless you all and best of luck.


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