I feel so guilty! I don’t live near Mom. My brother has been taking care of her since Daddy passed away almost four years ago.


My brother lives about six miles away from Mom. She’s now 95, and he’s never been married, so he takes care of everything for her... finances, doctor visits, medications, groceries, meals... It’s getting to a point where she can barely hear me if I call her, and she’s always telling me the same things. Her memory is diminishing. It is not Alzheimer’s, but it is old-age dementia. She remembers us, but not recent events, people, or conversations. I wish I could visit more often, but I’m having my own health issues. I had back surgery in August, and having a second, more serious one with rods and disk-fusing in the next couple of weeks. I really don’t have a question, I’m not really looking for answers, I guess I’m just venting a little because I’m afraid of what could happen, and I may not be able to see her again. I always thought she was invincible, but SuperMom is becoming very fragile and frail.

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With Mom, I was it. One brother lives 8hrs away. The other closer but seems to be in his own world. He is a really nice guy and laid back and when we get together it's like old times. Neither one has given me any problems concerning Mom's care. The one thing they both did was thank me for what I did for Mom. Made me feel good that they appreciated what I did. Like suggested, see if there is anything you can do. Good Luck with your surgery.

Dear lynchmob561,

Sorry to hear about your health issues and upcoming back surgery. I know we all want to be in two places at once, but you are doing the best you can. Like 97yearoldmom suggested there are many other ways to show your support and compassion for your mom and brother. I would talk to your brother about other ways to communicate with your mom. Facetime and Skype are great options as well. Just remember we all do the best we can.

LM, it is important that you look after yourself.

One quick suggestion. My former father in law phones me through Skype. He can use head phones and better control the volume. It is much easier for him to hear that way. He calls to my home number, so I do not have to be on Skype at the same time. Perhaps your brother can help to set that up. Or if you do a video Skype call you can see each other.

Wonderful suggestions from 97 year old mom. I am constantly amazed at the posters on this website who have parents in their 90's who are still able to live alone albeit with assistance. Impressive! My parents started to need 24/7 care while they were still in their 70's. Blessings to you, Lynch, and prayers that you make a speedy recovery.

Dear LM
So sorry about your back. I have some of that myself.
How fortunate you are to have a brother angel. Fortunate for mom also.
No need to feel guilty but you should take action. Help him out. Send him money. Order supplies on line to be shipped to her. Paper products etcetera. Pay for lawn service. Flowers are wonderful at any age. Think of something that would be of benefit for your brother. You'll feel more connected and like you are contributing. Perhaps you already do that.
Your mom will be with you on that surgery. Her love is all around you. You are her daughter. You are Super daughter, don't forget. She has set a great example for you. Send her cards and photos. Best of luck on your surgery. Set your intention to see your mom again. She will pull you through.

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