I feel sad today.

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I had my mother here for Easter dinner. I thought a quiet meal, just the three of us would be nice and less stressful than a restaurant with all the noise and confusion. I want her to be happy, feel loved. Its been a while since I have spent a whole day with her outside of her independent living apt where I visit several times a week. Once out of her "environment" its even more clear how frail, unsteady, mentally deficient and weak she is. Her dementia is getting so much worse that being with her is really really difficult. Talking to her is like the Abbott and Costello routine "who's on first" except that she is so deaf I have to shout the whole time. She doesn't remember the conversation 5 minutes later, so we do it again, and again, and again until I can barely talk and my stomach is in a knot. She doesn't remember the past and family much any more, gets people mixed up, etc and I have to tell her who they are over and over. She argues, she never smiles, never laughs, never seems to enjoy anything, even though she is very healthy. She never relaxes, just sits there all restless and fidgety and her attention span is about 2 minutes long. I don't know what to do with her, can't have a normal conversation, she can't comprehend tv, glances at the same magazine 10 times because she doesn't remember she just put it down, I can't take her for a walk, she's too weak, and she is like a cat on a hot tin roof. The day was one of hopelessness. I get so frustrated and irritated but keep it in, because I pity her and know she can't help it (she never lets me forget how much she pities herself)
I know people will say she is depressed and needs meds, I know I know. But she refuses to move to assisted living. She shouldn't be where she is, she is not competent, can't trust her to take any meds (thank God she is so healthy she doesn't need any Rx at all)
It was a very sad Easter. I have heard people say "you can live too long" and I guess when the quality of life isn't there, that is true.


imo, dementia can be kind of a peaceful madness. ive seen my mom in her last weeks do some furry freak brothers level of tripping yet only a few times was she agitated or frightened by the hallucinations. she was insane but not really in pain. ive been over the edge and back up the other side once on a hepc treatment and the worst effects were my cheeks and throat hurting from laughing for days on end at stuff that wasnt even funny.
your mom may be nearing her end of life and thats most somber but she IS detached from reality. it may be a blessing in ways.
OK you know she needs Xanax or Celexa or something to relieve the depression. So call her MD and get her some. If she won't take them, you should, in front of her and tell her why.
That's the problem she is incompetent, but not enough for the doctor to declare her. Her MD can't give her any meds because she can't be trusted to take them. A few years ago she gave her something for her dementia. We put it in the day to day compartment container, enough for a week only, and wrote instructions in three places around the apartment. Three days later, they were all gone, box and all - she proudly claimed she finished the meds. We don't know if she threw them out or took them all (probably threw them out since she didn't get sick.) She can take care of her basic needs of dressing etc, but needs oversight as her memory is 5 minutes long, tops. She won't let anyone in her apartment except my sister and me. I want to move her to assisted living, but she refuses to go, and my sister doesn't want to force her. Yes, I take Xanax when I spend time with her and we get into the "whos on first" routine, etc. Its so sad.
It is sad. You are entitled to your feelings. Hugs to you, dear.

My mother broke her hip on Easter. I'm feeling sad, too.

Could Mom go for a walk in a wheelchair? On a beautiful day like it was here, it can lift the spirits just to be outdoors.

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