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My father who is 81 is a classic NPD (narcissist) as I found out ast month. He crafted his way into my home. When he got here, he told me I was responsible for taking care of him now and threatened that for a month. I knew he wouldn't pay the measly $100 in rent I was charging him because he is a no good lowlife, so I waited until the second month to file the eviction. He has copd and is legally blind although he can see, just can't read. And many people told me the judge would look favorably on him. They were wrong. At least in Texas.

He couldn't help himself, he started digging in with the insults, devaluing, and shaming me, on Day 1. It really gets to a person when it's your parent, who got his trailer foreclosed for failure to pay HOA fees, talking garbage to his child who has over $1 million in equity from a lifetime of careful investing and wise spending habits. It's been 40 years of me never being with him without a witness present. I was so scared because I didn't want to relive any of that and he was trying to make me his permanent guardian and that wasn't the deal. First I needed to test the waters so to speak. I never liked him not even once but I gave him this one last benefit of the doubt. I was cordial but careful throughout my adult life. I wanted my parents to get a divorce when I was a minor. The WHOLE time I was a minor. They got divorced 20 years ago. The reason I had to take quick action is because he was threatening my entire professional future, my plans, etc. If I would have been forced to take care of him, I would lose everything I have so painstakenly saved for all these years. If he had been nice even once, I WOULD have been willing, but no, not ever, not unless it was a strategic self-serving manipulation. I am not the kind of person who would look the other way if an old family member needed help. But he basically dug his own grave.

So don't be scared to take action if you have an abusive family member. You don't have to take it and you shouldn't!

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I want to thank lady and everyone else here on this board for their own similar stories. It has been very supportive. It really helps to hear about others! Lady encouraged me to come back, but the post trial period was so debilitating and I couldn't bring myself back til now.

Distance and acceptance was the way I dealt with the childhood abuse, but when he came "back"... well, it turns out I was his optimum source of supply. His fave. I gave him everything, fighting, fear of him, restricting him, telling him no. He couldn't get enough. He knew how to ramp it up at a moment's notice. He needed no one but me. Until I let him go. But he drew me in once more on the night of his departure and began a bickering session. I remained calm this time. At two points in the conversation (about why he wasn't getting his gun back), I saw he knew he was losing control over me, he had a psychotic break, a schizophrenic episode an hour later which freaked me out. It wasn't for many days that I understood I was cutting off his lifeline. He wasn't even sane. Even after he knew he was evicted, I kept him feeling alive - by defining my boundaries, by refusing to talk to him and acting like I was bothered by his needs, by ignoring him. And of course I knew all this but for my own health I had to stay clear.

If I didn't have the support of the court behind me, it would have been just another argument that elevated him. I desperately needed the court. This time he had to go. By order of the judge. An hour and half later he was on the way to the airport.

I am sad. Throughout my life I acted normally, tried to work things out with him. It was never to be. I was just feeding him, little did I know. He is so good at this. I wasted a lot of time, time and energy I could have used on other things where I COULD make a difference.

He is on to his next victim by now. I don't know who it is.
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OhJude- He totally manipulated his way into my home. He lied about everything and I mean everything. But deep down I still had a horrible feeling which is why I charged him rent. I thought if he started up trouble, I could evict him, and I would if it were anything at all like my childhood treatment. Starting up the next day left me no reservations.
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ArmyRetired - It took 21 days for the ruling and 5 days grace period. I cannot believe he even showed up for court. He took a cab both ways and he doesn't have much money. He made me think he was the all powerful Oz and it turns out he was quite ignorant afterall
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Why am I doing this?????

Where did he go?
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Jane I understand you completely. My Father died Nov. 2nd, 2015. My Mom has been living with us since September 21, 2015 since he went into the hospital. She has dementia and altimzmers but is this little nice old lady when anyone is around. She is mean to my husband and myself but never around other people. She is beyond mean. Took her in for 7 months in 2013 and swore I would never do it again. Well never say never. Wits ends with her. Never happy, mal- content and super nasty. I want to get rid of her as soon as Dads' estate is settled. I am 61 years old and it took me until I was 51 years old to see how bad she was so I guess I am kind of slow. And Sendme2help you are right on when they never give you an opportunity to say NO!! Never....and you are your own worse enemy submitting to their control. Jane I am with you 100% and am sorry that I took Mom in. (again)(dumb me I know). My husband is also sick so she is not doing him any good. Sure she will out live the both of us and the whole family. Most self centered person in the world.
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Jane, In my experience with a narcissist, 1) there was never an opportunity to say No, so I understand how someone can 'craft their way in'.
2) I was my own worst enemy in submitting to their control. 3) My issues required therapy to maintain a safe distance, practice being unavailable to their schemes and to STOP offering myself up as their victim. It may not be possible without therapy unless there is a huge amount of insight.
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Jane I understand a bit more now so thank you for that - Im sorry I wouldn't have allowed him into my home though. My abuser came to the house for my father's funeral - he merely placed his hand on my daughter's shoulder and he didn't stay for one second after that - like I told him you take your hand off my daughter's shoulder right now or I will call the police. Even though she was older he wanted to take the control back. He left immediately but he wasn't done. he went out with my mother for about a year and she couldn't understand why I would have none of it - it was only later I found out she knew about him and I and considered it to be in the past! Yeah right! When he was dying he asked to see me. I didnt go. For me that was how I took the power back
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did you at least have the satisfaction of marshals escorting him out or did he leave of his own volition?
and I have a narc moo of mine: if I was better off and not as indolent, she would be sitting home alone or somewhere else. She is not bad, but is a major pain in the ass for the most part. (she definitely is not as bad as she has been)
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Curious, how long did the courts give him to leave your home? Where did he end up gping? Sometomes you have to do what you have to do, no matter how terrible it may seem. Self preservation on your situation is the utmost importance.
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I'm pretty sure that when he got the eviction, he took that as a No. It was certainly meant that way. As soon as I discovered the pattern, I filed for eviction. That is a big fat No More
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I told you, I didn't have any experiences with him in 40 years that didn't include a witness. The only abuse that he gives is when there is no witness and it's not just me. It doesn't matter if you think I'm crying foul. This is for people who are in the same situation. You don't have to believe anything I say. How do you think he gets away with all this? It's because of people like you, who challenge the victims. I only just discovered it a month ago The complexity of his game. Before that, I was a minor and I have stayed away from him all these years. If I can help someone with my post, that's what the point is.
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Rather than say no, you allowed him into your home, and you got your revenge by evicting him. Sounds like classic passive-aggressive behavior to me.
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I have to agree with GA on this one I was a victim and the only way to overcome this is to say NO say no and then when all else fails - say no. You see YOU allowed him to craft his way in - he couldn't have done it if you hadn't allowed it. So from a different perspective it seems quite a cruel way to deal with him. Wouldn't have it been better for you to just say NO? that way you take back the power. This way I would feel I had behaved quite badly and that just wouldn't sit well with my code of ethics - my code that is not anyone else's and I do respect you have a right to your own.
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Jane, I do understand that 'one last chance' way of thinking... in some ways, it is to our benefit to make sure we have no regrets. Not so much that he would magically become the dad you never had... I do understand, and I applaud your for doing what you did, doesn't matter how he ended up there, what matters is how you chose to end it....
Thank you for letting others know that there is a way to not be a victim..... I live in Texas... so yay for the court system.... good job !!!! Have a great life with no regrets.
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I call foul. Knowing all that you know, how was it that he "crafted" his way into your home? 40 years w/o having a witness present and you allowed him to "craft" his way into your home? And still you were willing to give him one last chance? Sorry, I neither feel sympathy or elation for you. And I'm not even sure I believe all the accusations you've made toward your father. If he was that bad why didn't you just sever relations with him?

To me, regardless of how bad a parent is, to allow a blind father into your home then turn around and evict him speaks of a characteristic I can't even find words for now. Nor am I sure he's the abuser in this scenario.

You never should have allowed him to move in in the first place; that would be something to share with others as guidance.

Why didn't you just say "NO" instead of allegedly allowing him to "craft" his way in?
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Wow! You go girl! That's quite a story........
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