My father who is 81 is a classic NPD (narcissist) as I found out ast month. He crafted his way into my home. When he got here, he told me I was responsible for taking care of him now and threatened that for a month. I knew he wouldn't pay the measly $100 in rent I was charging him because he is a no good lowlife, so I waited until the second month to file the eviction. He has copd and is legally blind although he can see, just can't read. And many people told me the judge would look favorably on him. They were wrong. At least in Texas.
He couldn't help himself, he started digging in with the insults, devaluing, and shaming me, on Day 1. It really gets to a person when it's your parent, who got his trailer foreclosed for failure to pay HOA fees, talking garbage to his child who has over $1 million in equity from a lifetime of careful investing and wise spending habits. It's been 40 years of me never being with him without a witness present. I was so scared because I didn't want to relive any of that and he was trying to make me his permanent guardian and that wasn't the deal. First I needed to test the waters so to speak. I never liked him not even once but I gave him this one last benefit of the doubt. I was cordial but careful throughout my adult life. I wanted my parents to get a divorce when I was a minor. The WHOLE time I was a minor. They got divorced 20 years ago. The reason I had to take quick action is because he was threatening my entire professional future, my plans, etc. If I would have been forced to take care of him, I would lose everything I have so painstakenly saved for all these years. If he had been nice even once, I WOULD have been willing, but no, not ever, not unless it was a strategic self-serving manipulation. I am not the kind of person who would look the other way if an old family member needed help. But he basically dug his own grave.
So don't be scared to take action if you have an abusive family member. You don't have to take it and you shouldn't!