I can't afford to stay around my elderly parents anymore and need to move abroad to earn but my selfish parents want me to take care of them.

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I moved back a few years ago to assist them with my disabled sister as they were struggling, and did as much as I could until she was taken into care as she had dementia two months ago and is now in a nursing home. For the last few years my life went down the toilet as I helped. Now they want me to stick around but I don't want to, and can't afford to in any case. I'm emigrating to take up work and start a new life abroad, and I will be in a position to send money back to them so they can pay for in home assisted living. I already had this sorted a few months back where a 30 year old nursing student doing her masters was prepared to take accommodation in a part of the house that would have her in a part of the house as a separate apartment with it's own front door so that they would still have their privacy but they refused that. They commented the following day as I made their breakfast that they would find it uncomfortable to have a stranger doing this for them to which I snapped a reply that they found nothing wrong with me being forced to stay with them and having to do it.

I do not really get along with them all that well either. This is the height of selfishness isn't it? Is it not enough that they have care without imposing further upon me and forcing me to remain in a situation that is to my detriment, and is also affecting my daughter's quality of life?


I think it is very limited and short sighted thinking in their part, and, yes, selfish. You have offered to help them with a very viable alternative, and they have refused it. We have many here in AC who have parents that refuse outside help, and want their children to sacrifice their lives to look after them. Pretty consistently the answer is that the parents are being unreasonable and that the children deserve lives of their own. In my books, no parents worth their salt would ask their child to give up his/her career to become their caregiver. I certainly wouldn't.

I hope you heep firm boundaries, stick to your plans and look after yourself and your daughter. Don't fall for the emotional blackmail, the guilt tripping which they are trying on you. Let us know how you make out.
did your parents say that when they were raising you what a shame
YOu need to do what is necessary for yourself and your daughter. Your parents do not have the right to take over your life and make you their slave. Go abroad - LIVE.
Please delete this post as I no longer want it answered. I mean the initial post... and all details afterwards - "I can't afford to stay around my elderly parents anymore and need to move abroad to earn but my selfish parents want me to take care of them"

I'm reporting this comment to you so that you will delete this for me..

Thank you - Enough18
just saying our parents took care of us as children and we should look after them as they get older is nothing to report
enough - Happy to validate your position. If it doesn't get removed, contact AC admin. - at the bottom of the page "Contact Us".
Yes, children should be supportive with some things. Like if your parents need some groceries, or someone to talk to, or drive them around, etc. But they shouldn't make children put their life on hold, especially when they cant afford to. Do what's right for you
Stick to your plans. I wish you success in your plans for moving and re-starting your career.

It was extremely kind of you to help your parents with your disabled sister. That is a very heavy burden for parents. You've done your bit. Move on.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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