I am so torn up.

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My father passed away 6 years ago and my mom has been lost ever since. She had been so dependent on him in every way, and has a hard time doing anything on her own, including making decisions. She had some health issues so I moved her in with my husband and my three children (under 12 years) last year. I work full time and when I come home, there is dinner, kids' activities to attend and chauffeur, laundry, ....etc,... I have replaced my dad as my mom depends on me for everything. There are language issues too English is not my mom's first language, although she can get along just fine if she tries. So, I am also the interpreter because she doesn't try to join our conversations unless it's through me. My daughter has been upset lately because she said that grandma called her crazy and not smart. I suspect that is not what she means but it is not an appropriate choice of words due to the language issue. She has also developed some weird quirks where she is a nervous wreck and worries about everything. I feel so torn over everything. All I seem to do is to taking care of everyone and making things OK. I just want to feel free and happy again. I just want to run away sometimes, but I know I can't. I love my mom and my family but I feel so stressed. I look into the mirror and somehow I can't see me anymore.

3 Comments

Sorry you are under so much weight Ginger. Sounds like you need some relief. You are in a busy season of life with busy young kids, that can be overwhelming enough, but adding caregiving to the load might be the tipping point.
For me, I began to make that time waiting to pick up kids a special time. I could be alone in the car and so I would read or draw in a sketchbook, play a card game on my phone, or maybe just roll the windows down and feel the breeze & sun. You need to take care of yourself in some way, or you'll have nothing left in your "tank" to take care of those counting on you.

Any chance your mom would consider assisted living or some sort of apartment situation instead of being in your home? That would help in some ways, but depending on how much she wants/needs your presence, moving her away would just increase your driving, because you have to drive to see her instead of just going into the next room.
My mom was in an apartment since last year when her health issues got worse. She was only 10 minutes away but I was always finding time to go over or I would feel guilty when I couldn't make it over. Her language would be an issue in any type of assisted living in my area. I think she would withdraw even more.

Last week I had a meltdown, packed my bags and left for the weekend...only to return a couple of hours later because I missed my children. I am so thankful I found this site because at least I can let some of my stress go.
Quite right Ginger - putting what you feel down on paper (or the screen, but you know what I mean) really does help to crystallise the problem. Vent away.

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