I am so tired. I need to vent. I am so tired of people telling me God is teaching us things through the sickness....

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That is the last thing I want to hear. also people at work ask how my husband is i tell them very weak and depressed. they say very hateful. well he isnt going to get well overnight. that is like telling someone who is walking through the desert and is thirsty and tired and worn out that you are not going to get out of the desert overnight it will take a long time. they offer no help. no water no nothing. i would rather they just keep their mouth shut. i am so tired of the comments. i dont know if my husband will ever get back to normal and be well. i do know i love him with all my heart. i know there is nothing i would not do for him. he is my heart and i love him so much. i am just tired.


I'm sorry about your husband. My situation may not be the same as yours, but I really really understand your frustration and tiredness. When I'm going through a hard, traumatic, life-altering time, the last thing I wanna hear are people's insensitive or unthoughtful comments. There are times that I don't even want to hear the bright side of the story, I just want somebody to relate to and to vent.

The truth is, we NEED to hear the bright side to keep going whether we want to hear it or not. From what you've said, I don't know if you've heard much of anything good or not. I do know that God doesn't go around placing sickness on people. What kind of father would do that? But I do know that he always works it out for the good. ALWAYS. I personally believe that he's a healer too, because He says he is. I've seen it with my own eyes too. We never see a good end result when we're in the middle of the storm, when all hell is breaking loose around us, but like all storms, whether it's a LOOOONG storm, or a brief one--they pass. I can tell from your story that this has been a LONG one for you. The bright side is is that they DO pass. I'm in one myself. But I have lots of hope. I'll be praying that you and your husband find hope in Christ too. Part of having hope is taking the burdens of life, and "giving it over" to God. When you're "giving it over" to God it just means that you're saying to Him "Here. I can't handle it, but you can!" This issue can only be in either one of two places: your hands or God's hands. If you keep bearing the burden, you'll get tired and stay tired because it's too heavy for you. Don't pick it back up! Yes, in the meantime, you still have to do the daily things to take care of you & your husband, and all the while as a wife go without having that normalcy that a wife should have, but I dare you to choose to look at it from a different perspective: That WHEN you place your problems in God's hands, he's committed to take good care of you and your husband. I'm also praying that your husband would be completely healed. I'm crazy enough to believe that that will happen for you, and when it's all said & done, you'll have a good story to tell-- to give someone else hope!!

**BIG HUG!!**
Yvonne I know how you feel. You just vent all you want, you deserve to do that.

When my mom first got sick I had a friend who kept saying this: "you got 6 in one hand and 1/2 a dozen in the other" I kept saying whatttttttttttttt is she talking about, well just why did she keep saying that. Then it dawned on me it was because she really didn't want to hear what I was saying.

Maybe when people at work ask about your husband, change the subject so they won't ask.

Just keep venting here, that's what this site is for.

msmissy, You are not alone in feeling sheer annoyance at well-intended and hollow comments from others. Have been there many times. Nothing wrong with venting. For the most part, I think many people mean well, and simply don't know what to say, though there are others who, let's just say, God bless them. How's that? giggle I understand. Think of meaningless (to you, personally) comments like shampooing your hair. Just wash them right off without any guilt. Sometimes people don't realize that silence can offer far greater support that coughing up platitudes. Tired makes sense. So do tired days. So does a whole lot of love for your husband. He is blessed to have you in his life, as only he (may) understand, and God. That's about it.
Sorry, I meant to type your name, yvonne, not msmissy's. My apologies to you both.
Hi Yvonne.

People are idiots and there you have it.

bless your heart for the love and care you give your husband. Consider yourself out of the desert and in a cool oasis on this site. Here are the other folks just like you who are tired and worn and ready to smack idiots upside the head with a bedpan if they only had the energy.

My stand by phrase is: It is not ok for you to talk to me like that. You can use that anywhere for anything that you don't want to hear and it works! you don't even have to flip any attitude at them because the statement stands on its own.

You can also say, Hey! why don't you shut up? I've seen that one work also.

If God is teaching us through the sickness, I've learned how to shine up my mom's butt as well as not lose my cookies in the process.

I think people whip out the God statement because they really don't know what to say. I personally don't care for the pious God statements because I think maybe it grosses God out. Who can imagine what you are going through? I care for my mom and I hope I'm sharp enough to realize that there is a Huge Difference between your caregiving journey and mine. You are caring for your soulmate and the love of your life and I am caring for my mom whom I love very very much. But it's not the same.

Just keep coming back to this site and venting!

I really do like Pamela's suggestion:

idiots: Hey Yvonne! How's your husband?
Yvonne: Did you see those sorry NJ Nets last night? They're almost as bad as the Clippers!!

Hope you both feel better and we hope to see you again in our little cyber oasis.

hey thanks i feel better already. you guys best are the best. you understand how horrible it is to clean up diarhea and not throw up. you want to cry but laugh instead. no one understands like you guys. thanks for the good comments. it feels good to vent here. only you guys can understand the stress that makes you feel like you just cant make it another day and then when you get through it you feel light as a feather until the next big stress overtakes you and makes you feel like you will never survive but you do. i love you guys.
love you back Yvonne.

say, do you like boats?

Do you hear me chuckling at your most recent reply, yvonne? I am. My favorite part is where you said:

"...the stress that makes you feel like you just cant make it another day and then when you get through it you feel light as a feather until the next big stress overtakes you and makes you feel like you will never survive...."

It is hilarious to see it in print. Touche! I can tell you will be just fine. Your sense of humor is refreshing. Thanks for calling a spade a spade. Hugs.

Ok, I'm putting myself on a limb and cutting down the tree. I am one who says, "I'm praying for you," and "God bless you." And I don't do it flippantly. I say it because I believe he loves us and cares about us, and I say it because I think he knows when we hurt, and I say "Bless you," hoping God will show compassion and give comfort when it's needed. Do we still hurt? Yes. It's a God-given human emotion. But is he trying to teach us something? I don't think he is trying to punish us or anything. I think we punish ourselves worse than he would. But that's a different subject.

I think one thing we all know, is that at some point, all people die. Some are healed, and some are not. And while I pray, believing God can heal, I also recognize sometimes he doesn't.

If I am offensive, it is not on purpose. It's just what I believe. I don't mean you have to agree, and I don't mean to force myself on you. And I definitely do not think I have all the answers. No way!!!

I know I'm not God. (Heaven forbid!) And I know there are people who are mad at God, hate God, don't understand God (not like I totally do). Anyway, I just felt like standing up for God, not that he needs me to, but because I do. I don't like it when people "blow sunshine," meaning, saying whatever fluffy thing comes to mind. But a little tact, compassion, sensitivity, and concern for others, can bridge a gap that fluffy platitudes cannot.

Back to God "teaching us something..." I don't think he's watching every move we make, and then if we mess up, takes a big club, WHAM, and punishes us. The Bible clearly teaches that one doesn't get sick because of sin, but that it rains on the just and the unjust. I don't know what we're supposed to "learn" from illness, except that it just is. Many different reasons for illness. But the worst thing is when someone used Scriptures to make a point to punish someone else. I do not think God would approve of that. His job is to convict, not man's. Again, that's my opinion. And if you want to throw it out, you can. I'm just saying what I think, and if you think different, I won't throw you out. Tomorrow I may have to say I've changed my mind, and was wrong in lots of things. That's happened in my life. I do know this, I learn from others every day. Some awesome people have been real nice to me, and my family wasn't always. Go figure. Strangers treating me better than my own flesh and blood. And every time someone is nice, I think, they are a gift from God. I know my family is sometimes messed up in the head. Again, ~just sayin'...

I hope you'll not hate all Christians, or all people who believe in God. And I hope you'll test the waters of everything you see and hear. People who believe in God are not perfect, and makes mistakes, the same as anyone. But God shouldn't be blamed for that, nor necessarily the devil, either.

I'm tired, and perhaps rambling. And maybe you hate everything I just said. I hope not. I hope some of it makes sense to you. I just want to defend myself a bit, because i say, "Bless you," a lot. I do want God to bless others. It's like giving someone a gift. I can't make God do it, but I can hope for it, and pray, asking him to. The rest is up to him. I guess that's another way of saying, I am sorry you are hurting, and I wish for something good to come to you in all of this. It's not ignoring your pain, or pretending it doesn't exist. It's actually a way of saying, "I know you're tired" (we are get tired), and it acknowldges a human need, and a similarity. It's a way of saying, I see your hurt, and I can't "fix" it for you, so I'm asking God to, because I believe he can. What I hope, is that you'll see that as a compliment, instead of an offense, because it's truly a way of expressing love.

Now if that's offensive to you, it certainly wasn't meant to be, Maybe I am pushing this issue too defensively. Or perhaps you understand what I'm trying to say. I truly don't think the majority of people intend to be obnoxious or insensitive. Just trying to give the benefit of the doubt to this issue and the people involved.

However, it is true. Some people are just jerks. Please forgive me if anything I said was dumb or hurt. And feel free to correct me, if needed. But please don't bash me if you don't agree. While it's OK to say you disagree, and why, I don't think we shoudl be critical, prideful, or mean. Sorry...guess it hit a nerve.

I also defend your right to believe whatever you want to believe. That's the whole idea behind freedom. I think God like freedom, too, and gave hus many choices. I think it's neat that this site is a community of people who understand basic human needs, and help others. That's a whole lot better than fighting, and anger, and evil speaking. There's enough of that going around. What good comes from it?

Here we're just trying to support one another, and be encouraging. If someone tells you "God bless you," I dhope you won't let the words/gesture/idea offend. Bless is a very interesting word. So is the phrase, "I care about you," "I'm praying for you," and other great sayings and songs....are really meant to be a positive thing. Maybe you could think of them as a gift? (Instead of what might be wrong.) Again, ~just sayin.'

Hope you get some rest, and I hope for strength for you, and healing for your loved one.
SecretSister, I am a believer in God and don't know where I would be without my faith. Like you I freely say "God bless you" to others and mean it. In my reply I was not thinking of anyone on this website, but about platitudes that so many people speak offline, including religious platitudes, in my opinion. I am not ashamed of my faith in any way, yet I fully understood what yvonne was trying to convey. Been there myself. I also loved the person who responded that "people are stupid." That was cute, and is sometimes so true, sad to say.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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