I am extremely depressed and I feel so helpless

Started by

What does one do when they are a caregiver and they themselves are also in need of care? I have been very sick lately..I struggle with agoraphobia..I , myself am on disability and my mom is a heavy load to deal with. She is affecting me greatly and I'm having a breakdown. My physical health is declining and I feel like I can't go on like this anymore...


User70, I am so glad you posted.... first of all, tho you may feel alone, you arent.. we may only be cyber friends, but you are not alone... many feel the way you do right now... and have many health issues also... and completely burned out... you have come to a safe place to talk about things....believe it or not, just sharing and finding out others feel the same helps.... and you will recieve suggestions...and lots of hugs... this is a hard time of year without all the other things you have going on... not being able to leave the house only compounds your sense of isolation... so at least come back here and tell us what is going on... we are here for you.... remember.... you are not alone..... keep us posted on how you are....sending you hugs, love, angels and chocolate....
I think you need to look into finding a bit of respite help. There should be local sources of adult day care but you can also have a responsible teen come in, a friend, or a relative to give you a rest each day.
Good evening, user. As a person who has gone through panic order with agoraphobia/depression in the past twice, I understand a lot of what you are going through. The only advice that I can think of is for you to go to a doctor and get treatment for the depression. It will also help with the agoraphobia. I know it is difficult to get out of the house and go to a doctor when you have agoraphobia, but it is something you have to make yourself do. I would rally my courage by telling myself, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." It is still my favorite saying.

I don't know how deep in depression you are. I know some people say just to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but that can be hard when you can't even find your boots. The right medication can help you find them.

The best way I know to battle agoraphobia is to get out of the house and make yourself walk a bit further, then make yourself drive a bit further. As you get more comfortable being out, the agoraphobia will start to fade. You may have good days and bad days, but the progress will show. Find a good therapist to work through it with you. He/she will help teach you methods that may work for you.

Depression and agoraphobia feel terrible, but they can normally be treated successfully and fairly quickly with the right medicines and activity. When you get back on your feet, you can get off the medicine. Some people try getting through things without medicine. It is an individual decision. The last research I read stated that a combination of medication and therapy was the best way to go. Getting out and active is part of the therapy. It is necessary to break the downward spiral.

Hope this helps some.
User70...For what its worth. You are not alone. Caregiving is a tough job, very demanding and selfless. But for you to do any of this...you need to be selfish and think about you right now. Listen to those here who are living the life with you. Get some help. Check out any of the Area of Aging and Disabilities in your city. There are government funded organizations that are there for you to access. Respite is available according to your loved ones income. If you state has this available use it. I was offered it first off and I declined. Then after a couple of months of no sleep and almost to a mental breaking point I called them in tears. They came out and assessed me and my surroundings and I have 20 hours of a caregiver coming to my home to let me rest. They will do everything for my mom that I would have done. Also many of these programs are equipped with counselors who are there for your benefit. Please don't give up and feel hopeless. Get hopeful and help. ((hugs)) to you and for what you are doing. You matter!!!
User 70 - My heart goes out to you - Please know as said above in other posts; there are many of us on this site and there is so much support. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you can find some respite care. Hugs across the miles.
Thank you so much, each of you for your replies. I realize it's time to talk to someone and I am going to look into some counseling. My mother and I have no family except for my sister who lives far from us..our relationship suffers because of the distance. We talk on the phone or thru facebook. She doesn't know what is going on because she is never here. I do mention things to her and she'll just say "sorry you and mom aren't getting along." She doesn't understand.. My mother has her fooled as well--of course she sounds perfectly fine over the phone. Thank you all again for your advice and your kindness. God bless and a Happy New Year is wished for you and for your loved ones.
User70 I also would recommend as JesseBelle did about getting some therapy and/or medication to help you through this. You should see a counselor or someone who can prescribe some medicine for you. There are so many meds out there for depression these days that no one should have to suffer. In addition, you could add some 'talk therapy' as well. It won't make the problems go away but at least you will be in a better state of mind to deal with all the things that you have to handle. Wishing you the best...((hugs))

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support