I am completely drained.....help!
It has been a long five years of stress. My boyfriend and I moved into his dad's home to take care of him.
Since that time, I have been through h*ll. There have been incidents with my boyfriend's sister that have involved the law and even a restraining order against her. Through all of this I have been behind him and supporting him emotionally. care for his dad who is far from the easiest person to take care of, but for the most part is a sweet old man.
Since I am his primary caregiver, my father-:|law, agreed to pay me $ 200.00, per month, and pay for own meds, which are @ 50.00 bucks a month.
I take care of all the finances, which is not a responsibility, I wanted. Even, the hospice social worker, agreed with me, since my bfn has power of attorney, etc.,.
My fil also agreed to leave me, 2500.00 out of a $ 55, 000 life insurance policy.
My relationship, I know, is not going to work. I have known this for a while. My fil has, unfortunately, been witness to a few bad incidents. He (fil), has begged me not to leave. The remaining kids never come over, has not seen his other son in 8 years, although they live less than 20 miles a part. There is so much dysfunction in that family. I always stay out of the scribbling drama.
I am 51 years old, with bad health problems myself. I have rheumatoid arthritis, that knocks me to the floor, when I have flare-ups, which, seem to be happening a few times a month and lasts any where from 2-5 days. I take prescribed meds, which can have some nasty side effects. I also am diagnosed with ptsd/anxiety and bipolar disease, which is managed through therapy and additional meds.
This past Saturday, while fil was in respite care, I had the worst headache of my life, which was treated with pain meds by the emergency department.
I am a good person, but I feel like I am going crazy. I need some clarity.
After the return of fil, from respite, another three days of turmoil. He had snuck in to the care center, additional morphine sulfate and to this day, I have no idea, how much he consumed. He was ready to pass, I believe, with moments of agitation. The social worker and two nurses, agreed, that, under the circumstances, he needed to be back in the care center. He was a fall risk, kept trying to take catheter and connect it to o2 line, just very confused. Two different occasions, that same day, on call nurses had to come out.
Imagine my surprise, when my bfn, he was going to stay home, instead of going out to center, to make sure everything was set up, dad comfortable etc.,. This whole past week end I have had less than seven hours of sleep in three days. I feel as I have been hit by a truck. My bfn, which I am sure loves his dad, slept a full 8 hours a night. I know it has been stressful for him too, but still, he knows that I am sick too, and how imperative with my bipolar, that I have to get adequate rest. On the day of transport, grand kids come over. The grand son, brings a pittbull, and then leaves for an hour. So, here I am, putting my dog in bath, worried my cat is going to get hurt, not to mention, the transport guys, do need that to worry about.
The past is so crazy, with this family, one could write a drama of the week.
Any ways, when my bfn found out about the money his dad was going to leave me and all of that, my eyes were opened to the whole affair.
Am I going crazy? Am I expecting too much, to have a mate, that cares for the woman who takes care of his dad?
Trust me, I could care less about money and all of that, but I am planning on my own future. I have to feel secure and safe. I know he is never going to marry me. I do not drive, I am in the process of a hearing.g for disability. I have to plan, as my bfn has had 2 heart attacks, and has made no plans for our future.
I am so stressed, that last night, I really thought, if I closed my eyes, I would not wake up. This entire experience, feels like the rollercoaster from bell.
Some one, please, advice. Thanks for letting me share. It does help