I've been emotionally strong until yesterday and today. I'm confused and very emotional. It's finally hitting me that this is all real. My Mom could die any time. She has become so weak, she is in heart failure. Hospice nurse called me today to tell me the bp and heart meds are hurting her at this point and they're stopping them. So, they're waiting til tomorrow to see how she does. She's ordered the "comfort pack". I never heard of that, which means the morphine, etc. if she needs it.
I keep thinking I should do something. They asked her about going to a hospital and she said "no" more hospitals. Her dementia is not to the point of not knowing me or others, but she acts and talks like a child.
I simply feel like I'm in a weird dream. It's only me . . . the rest of the family not around . . . probably best anyway. I am so glad I was/am here for my Mom. The other day she said to me when I walked her outside: "I'm so glad I'm here (Florida) in warm weather and I'm with someone that really loves me". That made it all worth it. I will have to move her up to Boston where my Dad is burried and she has a prepaid funeral. BUT, my mother can be so feisty, I could get there tomorrow and she'll be running up and down the hallways.
I think I am losing it. Thanks for reading. I hadn't even figured this site out very well, but I am so glad to be able to write out my feelings knowing someone will read this and understand me. Thank you.