Help! Need advice. Need to vent. New here. My situation is unlivable.
Hi everyone. My mother moved in with me 30 years ago when my parents divorced. I have 2 brothers who don't lift a finger and I'm sick of it. Things got worse when my mother's companion lost his arm in an accident 27 years ago and he moved in with me as well because his kids don't lift a finger to help, either. It was supposed to be a TEMPORARY situation. Now they are both elderly with multiple health issues, I get NO HELP from ANYONE, the families are totally taking advantage of me, I'm becoming very resentful, and I'm stressed to the max. AND I HAVE NO LIFE! My mother has Menieres, thyroid issues, recurring cellulitis, carpal tunnel, and we're doing more diagnostics for other things. Her companion has diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, IBSD, labyrinthitis, supinated feet, he can hardly walk and he refuses to use his cane or walker, he's disabled, going blind in one eye, and his doctor wants to send him to a neurologist to see if he has beginning dementia. He rarely showers (maybe once every 2-3 weeks) or brushes his teeth or shaves. Also, he was supposed to have back surgery many years ago, but he's stubborn and angry and cantankerous and he fights with the doctors and refuses to have the MRI and surgery. He believes his doctors are trying to hurt him and take his money. His doc said he would be paralyzed without the surgery, and he could be paralyzed after the surgery. Instead, he took Hydrocodone for years for the pain, then he wanted more, so his doctor prescribed morphine which he's been taking for the past 3 years! He eats tortillas and candy all day and doesn't follow his diabetic diet, even though I make nutritious meals for both of them every day. His kids never return my calls or visit or help. My brothers have stopped replying to my texts and calls and are too busy traveling and partying and having charmed lives, and nobody seems to care! My mother and her companion go through my mail, listen in on my phone calls, spy out the window if I go anywhere or get picked up, they gang up on me and take jabs daily almost like they're tag teaming on me, they monitor everything I do like I'm 12 years old. My mother sits at the kitchen table on her laptop and has 2 Facebook accounts and is on Facebook 10+ hours a day, while her companion sits in front of her in his recliner chair all day and they watch the same annoying game shows and talk shows all day and hog up my family room and kitchen. If I go out, mom texts and calls non-stop. She gets fungal infections on her back because she sits on her computer chair all day. They've scared away all of my friends and boyfriends. Everyone refuses to come over because the two of them have cussed everyone out, made them feel unwelcome, uncomfortable, make them leave, and they make fun of everyone. So I can't even have visitors! It's almost like they're trying to isolate me. I have taken both of them to the ER so many times that I've lost count. I got tired of nagging them to remember their pills, remember to eat, remember their appts, remember to get up and walk around, etc. They get angry at me and tell me to leave them alone and arguments ensue. So I bought an Amazon Alexa and set up all of the reminders every hour of every day. It took me a long time to do that. Then they unplugged it!! Made me so upset! I nag them constantly to get going on their health issues. The more I nag, the more they resist me and arguments ensue and I get blamed for everything, the more I call my brothers and mom's companion's kids out of frustration and desperation, the more everyone ignores me. My friend is a psychologist and she said they are being very manipulative. She said they're enmeshed, codependent, and enabling each other. She also said they're using a maneuver called "splitting" (I had to Google all of this stuff!) It's enough that I've been taking care of my mother all these years with all of her health issues. But I can no longer care for him, especially with his worsening health issues, and he's not even related to me. And he's grumpy, he breaks things all the time, he leaves faucets running, leaves the stove burners on, leaves gates open, occasionally drops his pills on the floor and I've had to have my dogs' stomachs pumped twice already. My mother ALWAYS takes his side! I have to "sweep" my house before I go to bed to make sure it's safe. I'm putting locks on all of the gates and trying to "baby proof" the house. Every helpful suggestion I've made gets shut down and they yell at me. They blame me for everything that goes wrong. They placate me, make promises, then they fall back into their comfortable and unhealthy patterns. My friends are fed up. I'm exhausted. I've helped them and been there for them through everything. I'm not even legally anyone's caregiver. I asked a friend to help me find a mother in law attachment in town so I can take a break and get off of this "spinning teacups ride!" I want to take my dogs and leave, and let these two suss it out.