Getting elderly parents who live independently, to plan for future care options.

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My parents, who are divorced, still live independently. They both have made no plans for their future care when they cannot live indepenently anymore. They both know I am not an option as a caregiver to them. They refuse to discuss the issue and just live their lives as if they will live, the way they are, until they die. I tried to tell them if they don't make choices now, they will be forced to have decisions made for them in the future. They both say they will worry about it when and if the time comes. How selfish can they be? I don't want to have to make those choices for them! I am ready to just walk away and leave them to their own lives, living with their heads in the sand!

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It isn't a matter of handling a POA, but getting our parents to agree to have one established. My siblings and I are not the least bit interested in getting anything. I am the only one trying to get our parents to make future plans for their care and medical wishes. A will with probatable assets is the least of my concern.
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I recommend making plans for your parents and telling them what those plans are. Don't pay too much attention to what you think they actually want. The more arbitrary the better. Promise them that you will hook them up to a feeding machine or respirator and keep them alive absolutely as long as possible. Describe the "amenities" at the horrible nursing home you have chosen because you "know they don't want to waste money on their comfort, when they could leave it to you." That might get their attention.

My father, bleeding from what turned out to be rectal cancer, refused to go to the emergency room. I said, "So you're ok with lying here bleeding to death." He said yes, but changed his mind in a few hours. My point is not to be too gentle in explaining why they need to take action. Find a few horror stories about people who didn't make plans. Good luck. I know you'll need it!!!
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If you, the caregiver, or any siblings, cannot handle the POA's, then the recepient will be forced to have a lawyer do it, an "expensive option" indeed. Then after the money runs out, Medicaid just takes over, and any assets are repaid to Medicaid upon the recipient's death. The unhelping children cannot expect to get anything after Mom or Dad dies then.
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So be it, but I would try for the POAs while competency is not an issue, otherwise, let it all go.
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Ferris is right. There is nothing much I can do if my parents are unwilling to address their aging issues and future care. My siblings are no help, they also have their heads in the sand. There is no competency issues at this moment so I will do the only thing I can do, nothing and just live my own life.
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I am sure that there are many competent people on this site that could speak to this issue better than I can. My thought would perhaps have her family member with power of attorney for health and financial talk to the case manager that handles her financials at the memory center. If she will be out of money in a year, why not apply for it now, I would think that the center would be able to direct the family to the right person for assistance here.
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I have an aunt that is currently living off proceeds of her home....she is in a memory care unit....she will be out of money in less than one year....if she doesn't pass before her money is gone what happens then? Medicaid? I hear it takes 6 months to get onto Medicaid and go into a nursing home...who picks up the tab until Medicaid kicks in? I am not her daughter..what if I just walk away when the money runs out? what if I die before her? then what?
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What about right of residence? I got one
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Hey, if the Medicaid affected residence that you have lived in and cared for your loved ones, and you still currently live in, goes to court, the county will have to drag you out by your heels. Where will you go go live if nothing else is availble? I think laws should figure that one out! Find an attorney fast, and FIGHT until YOU find alternate housing!
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My dad assured me over the years that he had things all planned out. He was an intelligent man, a college professor, very rational and logical so it never occurred to me to ask him to show me what his plans were. He lived with me and I told him that unless he became bed-bound I would always care for him in my home. I never should have said that but I did and it didn't end up like that. He went into a nursing home where he lived for 6 months until he died last month. We soon found out that his 'plans' consisted of a letter directing us what to do with his possessions once he died. I knew of this letter, he worked on it frequently, but I never asked to see it. I just assumed that since he told me he had made provisions for his care, he actually had. Once I got my hands on this letter I realized that he had been very naïve and hadn't really thought of everything as he said. It was a mess that my brother and I had to figure out. But because my dad assured me that all would be taken care of I never asked to sit down with him and go over all of this stuff.

If you're told by your parent(s) that they have it all taken care of, DEMAND to see what their plans are. Don't take their word for it. I wish I had done this with my dad.
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