Financial abuse by my sibling of my parents belongings.

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My parents recently moved to a care home and my sibling took responsibility to make decisions around my parents belongings and to take care of their finances. This is due to both parents having the early stages of dementia. For various reasons I started to have concerns when my parents belongings were disappearing from their former home, whilst my parents were in transition, until a firm decision had been made for them to remain in the care home. My sibling and I have had difficulties in the past around communication, I felt that because I am younger, he just didn't allow me to have a say, this led to a year of silence from my sibling by my siblings own request. My sibling recently re-opened communication prior to my parents entering the care home. My sibling asked if I wanted anything from my parents former home, I was surprised to be asked as they had not moved to the care home. I assumed he was talking about the kitchen equipment and some of the larger pieces of furniture. I told my sibling that I have no interest in their belongings. I informed the Social Worker about my concerns and she told me that she was not going to get involved, that I have to deal with my sibling directly. I have since learnt that it was her responsibility to intervene to safeguard my parents. My parents have now relinquished their former home, and their belongings should have been transferred. I visited my parents about 10 days ago, and to my horror there was no more items than I had seen on my previous visit. Having checked their closets, and room, they have the bare essentials, their clothing are old and tattered, and clothes, shoes, etc, that I remember them having at their former home, were not to be found! I approached my sibling and he said that is all that is left. Because of the difficulty around communication with my sibling, I didn't raise an issue until I could think clearly about this. This didn't sit well with me, I knew this was not the case that they had so little items. I have recently discovered items of my parents clothes, shoes, being sold on ebay, by one of my siblings children! I have spoken to various sources including an anonymous helpline service and I was told that this is theft, and that I should inform the police. I was also advised to raise a "safeguarding alert" with the social services for them to start an investigation, however, they would involve the police, even if I would prefer not to. This is a deplorable thing to have taken place and I am very angry with my sibling, however I would rather not get the police involved, as this is my sibling. This also raises concerns around my sibling having responsibility for my parents finances, given what I have discovered, I would prefer that I had that responsibility. I have thought of having an informal meeting with an Advocate present inviting my sibling and partner, to attend, to explain my concerns and try to sort this out amicably and to gain control of my parents finances. I have also been advised that I should be giving my parents total consideration to safeguard them and not to be so loyal to my sibling, as my sibling has acted in a dishonest way for financial gain. I am very distressed over this issue and, feel, for my parents, who are oblivious to what is happening. I would really appreciate anyone’s views on this. .


Who has POA? Why haven't you been involved in their finances? Is your sibling the caregiver? I have POA & my dad lives with us. My sister is very critical of my financial decisions and focuses on the money, instead of the health & care of my father. Perhaps you are worried about the condition of your parents & focusing on the possessions to deal with that anxiety. How do you know your sibling is keeping the $$ for himself & not using it for your parents? I know you are a loving & concerned adult child. But having been on the receiving end of the wrath of my sibling I have a very different perspective. Use your time to visit your parents & attend to their needs instead of calling the police.
Recently had a meeting with mother's financial adviser with my brother who has total control over my mother's affairs and my mother who is 95. The adviser gave clear advice about who the executor of the will should be but my mother refused to listen as she wants my brother in control as she thinks it will be good for his ego. He has been unemployed a long time and is financially needy. I striving to let this issue go as my mother isn't deemed mentally incompetent even though I don't think she realizes the implications of what she is doing. To my mother and brother they think that because I have a home, a job and a husband who works I don't need any inheritance money. I'll still go on vacation my brother said. It feels like I'm being punished for working hard and being responsible while my brother has been the prodigal. Life just isn't fair is it!
You can contact adult protective services in where your parents live and ask for assistance. Also contacting an Elder Law Attorney to see about getting a durable POA on your parents that would exclude your sibling form the financial aspect of your parents lives. I would try include them in your parents lives and care but work to exclude them from your parents finances.
Right now my brother isn't POA for finance as my mother as not been deemed mentally incompetent. My mother's will makes him POA when she is deemed incompetent or is hospitalized. My daughter was originally chosen and she has backed out. My mother has accused me falsely of ripping up a former will and because of this my mother disinherited my daughter and has blamed me for it. Then she asked if she put the condo in joint between me and my brother would I force her out of her home and into a Nursing Home. I have given my mother absolutely no reason not to trust me. I am a minister in a Nursing Home. I love God with all my heart. These horrible accusations have hurt so much.
love my parents, we asked brother and sister what they wanted. They said they didn't want anything from Mom's house. So we called cousins, who did want things. In fact cousins helped fill two industrial size dumpsters with junk and they hauled away the furniture, dishes, clothes, everything. Got the place cleared out in two weeks. This was a real shock to the bro and sis. You were asked, and you assumed things would stay put. They don't, they get cleared out by whoever comes in after you. It takes a month to clear out and another month to clean, strip wallpaper and refinish floors, so the place is sellable or rentable. Social Workers don't get involved, ever. Police could care less about shoes on ebay. You had the chance, you just weren't ready to say goodbye to all that stuff. Sorry you missed the bus.

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