Feeling really guilty for not having more patience with my Mom.

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Hello if you look at my profile you will learn a little bit of what I an going through but lately I have been very b**chy yes that's the word to describe myself but my Mom nag's a lot she is a born again Christian and goes on she doesn't even watch TV or listen to the radio unless the program is strictly Christian. and calls me just as I go to the washroom or calls for the littlest things that can wait I am exhausted I am also cooking for her husband because he won't cook she has catered to him all her life and his ex-wife did and his mother I even dump the garbage long story short feeling overwhelmed no life neglecting myself feeling guilty for being grumpy with my Mom and partner any advice I am really depressed too. Already on a antidepressant already joined a support group etc.

3 Comments

everybody is depressed in a household where religion is overstressed. its all doom and hellfire , why wouldnt you be. i told my mom a couple of years before she died that given enough of that black tar opium the authors of the bible used , i could write a book every bit as profound. mom snorted, chuckled and sid id probly write a better one. she was a 50 yr sunday school teacher but the moment fanatidad crappied so did the bulk of moms belief system. mom wasnt ever into it like dad was and she suffered depression her whole life because of it. so did the kids.
dont feel guilty when someone is trying to drag you into their misery. get shi**y with em and tell them to grow up.
overwhelm, I can get b**chy, too. A lot. I'm shocked at how irritable I can become. Just because I go into the living room and my mother is watching the Billy Graham special production for the 100th time. That special is intense and I don't think it is healthy to watch so often. I get the feeling that as my mother approaches death that she wants the whole world to go either with her or before her. It has made me wonder if anger at death as it gets near is why many old people start thinking of Armageddon. They are facing the end of their personal world and don't like that the world will go on without them.

I also understand how caregiving can etch away at your time. I am fortunate that my mother does like her TV. If she weren't watching it, she would be thinking of all kinds of things I need to do. :) I don't do things for my mother that she can do for herself. It wouldn't be good for her or for me.

Is your mother's husband incapacitated? or does he just like being catered to? I wouldn't do anything for him that he can do for himself. It isn't good for you or for him. It's sad we often are put in a position of being the "bad guy" if we protest. But sometimes we have to protest to keep from being misused. I don't know how you might handle him, but I would try to get him used to seeing after himself. I know it is easier for me to say this than for you to do it. You didn't marry the man, so I don't see any reason that you should be caring for him if he is capable.
The thing is my mother expect me too take care of him too or she will have to do it yes he has been cater too all his life when I had them get respite care because I was going away for a week. They had respite care through the government they said that they would only cook for my Mom so my Mom kept sending them away complaining phoning me while I was away even the respite care case manager was phoning me telling me my Mom is sending them away.

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