I feel so scared and alone. I am at the point where I really don't know what to do anymore.
My mother is 65 years old, and suffering from COPD, heart problems, and severe anxiey and depression.
I'm 22, and a full time student.
I don't even know where to begin, because the story is long and depressing.. but part of her problems, I believe, stem from the severe physical and emotional abuse inflicted on her by her stepmother.
Before I was born, my mother was an alcoholic. She went to treatment when I was an infant, and I do not remember ever seeing her in this state.
Sometime in my childhood she became addicted to Lorcet, prescribed to her for arthritis in her hands. She was a great mother, and I do not know when this started, as I was too young to notice any changes. She was always there for me, took me and my friends places, attended every dance recital, play, and sports event I was a part of. She was everything I could have asked for in a mom.
She was given a pain patch of some kind by a family member-after putting it on that day, she laid down, and never got up. Her breathing had slowed to almost a stop, her oxygen levels 64%, and she was purple and drooling when I found her that afternoon. She was rushed to the hospital, and stayed in that condition until they found the pain patch and removed it. If I had not decided to come home before going to do errands that afternoon she would have died.
After this incident, only by a few months, about two years ago, she started taking Lexapro. One day I came home to find her post-seizure, blue-lipped and barely breathing. To make a long story slightly shorter, this happened twice more before the doctors figured out she was having siezures as a side-effect from the Lexapro. So she stopped taking that and the depression and anxiety got worse.
Her doctor then prescribed her Xanax, which seemed to improve her mood, but the addict in her caused her to take them too frequently, run out, and begin drinking to calm her nerves. She drank about 10 beers one day before her sodium levels dropped so low she started siezing, and I came home once again to find my mother almost dead.
I can't even begin to explain how much emotional pain all of these near death experiences have caused me. Not to mention the rapid decline of my mother-my best friend, the person that has been there for m e my entire life is just not here anymore.
She doesn't want to even talk anymore.. her anxiety is so out of control she chews her lips up, and they are callused and dry looking. She sits on the couch, day after day and watches Court TV. She doesn't seem to care about anything anymore. She finally quit smoking cigarettes this month after she was hospitalized for pneumonia which made it impossible for her to smoke.
I know this post is long and rambling, but I guess I am just reaching out to anyone at all who is reading this. I'm so scared to lose my mother, and I'm so stressed from constantly worring about her and taking care of her. She always kept the house so nice and cooked meals for me all the time. Now I struggle to keep the house at her standards, cook healthy meals for us, take care of all of our animals, and keep good grades in school. I just can't do all of this at once. I am terrified that she is fading fast and won't be here much longer. I don't know what to do. I am consumed by this on a daily basis. I don't eat or sleep much anymore, and my social life is non existent apart from a very loving supportive boyfriend that does all he can to help.
What can I do to bring back the woman that I have known all my life?
Who is this ambivalent stranger that has taken over my mother, and why? They said there was no brain damage from all the seizures, but could they have changed her forever?
I need help..
I really need my mother, but she just isn't here anymore..