My father-in-law, who lives with us, is stressing me out!!

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My 89 yr old father in law lives with us. I quit my job four years ago to watch over him. He has no real health issues Slight on set of dementia. Dr says he will out last all of us. He likes to act helpless when my husband comes home. Has no problems walking getting out of chair eating etc but when husband get home he is helpless. He is hardly ever sick but when his two daughters call he tries to get sympathy by saying he is sick in bed no one has fed him, cant walk. they believe him. my husband calls him on his behavior but the girls will not believe us on his actions. When my FIL is staying with someone else when we are out he is a perfect gentlemen. Not sure how to deal with his being trouble for us at home. We even put him in a nursing home for a week to let him see how good he has it wilth us. He has his own room with onsight bath, meals, outings, all his bills paid for, family and friends around to visit with. Not sure what more we can do to get him to have some respect for us and the home. He refuses to do anything we ask of him. Remove dirty shoes, flush his toliet, eat properly, normal home living situtations.

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He needs to sit when he pees hes 80 and his urine stream is not strong enough to reach the toliet. Her husband is an a-- and doent want anything to do with his FIL so this was a way to keep him out of their house. He pees on the floor at home and he has to clean it up. We have a problem with both his daughter and his care. One daughter in CA wants hospice called in because the daughter who sees him once every two weeks calls her with her diagnoses of his health. We had the Dr send his last visit, mri and blood work reports to forward to the daughter in CA. His Dr. also sent information on what requirements are for hospice care. Last year the tow daughter turned my husband and I into social services for adult abuse. We were under investagation for 6 months no charge were ever found to be true. SS told the daughter not to file false reports.
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I don't understand if he's so 'healthy' then why did he 'wet' on his daughters bathroom floor? Are we talking about just an accident, or is he sicker than anyone realizes? If it was an accident, then I guess having a little boy was out of the question for your sister-in-law then. Cause any mom who's had a boy knows about bathroom pee accidents.
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Is he healthy enough to live on his own. There are gov. subsidized apartments that are great. They are for low income seniors and are supervised. The rent is low. You could hire in-home help and cleaning for him. Also, group homes are less expensive and have a more home like feel.
If he is well enough to play "pranks" on you he is healthy enough to be on his own. The last thing anyone needs is friction in their own home...hope you find a solution soon.
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Ond daughter live in ca and has him for a couple of weeks each year. The other daughter lives 6 miles away but want nothing to do with him. He an inconvience to her and her husband refuses to let FIL in their home. He wet on there bathroom floor and has refuse to let him come back. Husband has had many talks with him about how he is part of "OUR" family and he should act accordingly. We have him do all his own daily chores, bed, bath, trash just like the rest of the family does. We did have him in a facility close to our home but to keep him there any length of time would be costly. His Dr. can not admit him for any medical reason because he doesn't have any. He is of sound mind and body just like to cause friction in the home. He has even stated to friend he thinks it funny to make us mad. thanks for letting me vent.
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Could the daughters take him for awhile? Might be a good eye-opener for both. You are treating him as a "guest" in your home, when he should be treated as any other family member would. He should not be disrespectful of you or your husband. Try giving him some space and not hovering over him. Do not pick up after him or overdo in any way...especially if he is healthy. He is being turned into a tall child and will continue this behavior for as long as he can get away with it.
I have always said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Have the hub sit down with him and have a frank, unemotional discussion about the rules of your home (your requests are not unreasonable). If he still ignores you, it may be time to take him to a facility or two and let him choose one.
Really......we wouldn't let a child get away with bad behavior...why should that change when an adult enters our home.
good luck
Lilli
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