Elderly mother won't help self, what do I do?

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My mother lives with me, refuses to see a doctor, see a dentist, is losing weight, has a dropped uterus, extremely paranoid, rarely bathes. She's starting to look like a skeleton. She will eat/drink only sweet things. Thank God one of them is Ensure. I've called APS twice (told me to call "the squad" when she gets bad), Alzheimer's Assoc (can't do anything without consent), Area Agency on Aging (had same suggestions as Alzheimer's). I want to be proactive, not reactive in her situation. I almost wish someone would turn me in for neglect so she'd be forced to get some help to start eating! Would getting guardianship help? I don't see how that would help in getting her to eat. Anything else I can do besides just letting her starve herself to death?
Thanks, all


Read and follow the advice on the thread "My mom needs medical help, but she is refusing to go. I am the main caregiver. Can I be held liable?"
Denise, it's sad but when all this aging stuff hits and we are thrown into it...we all find out the hard way THAT THERE IS NO REAL HELP OUT THERE! All of those agencies are such a joke...it's yeah like right..they want something to happen nutzy first...ridiculous. What is it going to take for this nation to have some real help for caregivers. It's amazing all the horrible scenarios I have read on this website for a year and there is nothing to help us. We are basically on our own struggling between Adult Day care (some free some NOT), Purchased caregiver or nursing situations, and manipulating your own life to try to manage these old folks that just decline before our eyes. Will she go into a Nursing Home? Sometimes they have respite care and they might get her to eat healthier?
I have been both a case manager at an Area on Aging and a caregiver to a mother who has alcoholism, severe dementia, and severe emphysema. I cannot get much help for my mother because she has the money. With all her diseases, it has been very difficult. She went into Assisted Living only after her third fall (while on vacation). This was the only way we could get her in. No family member was willing to take her in due to all her illnesses (mostly the mental). She is better off in Assisted Living, and I was lucky enough to talk her into conservatorship/guardianship a few months ago. Power of Attorney was not enough in our case as she was still able to take large sums out of the bank thereby writing a bad check. You need to be prepared legally before your parents become incapacitated mentally and physically. This is crucial. Make sure they have a Living Will, POA, medical POA, and a Will. Begin Conservatorship paper work if it becomes necessary--before there is a financial or physical catastrophe.

As far as agencies go, I had 86 clients 10 years ago. I was overworked and only paid 10.86 an hour (with a college degree). We advocated to keep the poor, elderly in their own homes. Many/most times, there children did not care or lived out of state and preferred we become their "guardian angels". They expected us to solve all their prolems including taking keys away so their parents wouldn't drive. There are two sides to the story. When you are overworked and working within government regulations (both state and federal), you can't always do what you feel is right. However, given the size of the aging population and the poor, the government does a great job of providing safe care. You can't be everything to everyone.
You were lucky AL took her in they would not where I live.
My mother was in the same position. Her Dr. prescribed Megace. It stimulates appetite. You need to check with her Dr. Maybe you can call her Dr. and explain the issues you are facing. My mother was down to 72 lbs. and now is 98 lbs. She is only 4'11". She is no longer on Megace, but got her started into the right direction. I give my mom Boost Plus everyday.
Take care, I hope this helps.

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