Doctor gave me the call, Mom has estimated 1-2 weeks left.

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As many of you know and have followed back in November my
Mother had a horrible fall with a brain bleed.
Back in September I knew her health was starting to decline because of her CHF & diabetes and lack of caring for herself and not taking meds on a regular basis. Mild dementia started popping up in October that I noticed and by end of November after the fall she was in the hospital, acute rehab, subacute, LTC, then back at the hospital. She has declined so much over 4 months. Doctors say end stage dementia, that her new baseline is sleeping with bouts of agitation when awake.
She keeps pulling the IV out that is giving her antibiotics & fluids that she desperately needs. Her swallowing has decreased so much she is barely able to eat & drink. They have recommended not doing a feeding tube and letting my mother go peacefully on palliative care as there is no quality of life. The doctor thinks because her BP is high and without fluids she has about 1-2 weeks however obviously that is just a estimate, she will go when she is ready. I’ve had a rough relationship with her but it’s my mom and I love her & I will truly miss her. Trying to cope with this news and get down from Canada to see her to say my goodbyes...I’m truly not sure how I feel..sad, possibly relieved?


Erica; I feel for you. My mom had a looooooooooong, sloooooooooow decline from a stroke and broken hip during the summer and fall of 2013. She had vascular dementia. She knew us all, but couldn't really speak, had delusions about having leprosy and other fun agitating situations. I thought that her quality of life was pretty poor, but she kept bouncing back from pneumonia, pleural effusions and the like. When she finally fell this past August and DIDN'T bounce back, we called in Hospice.

They were wonderful, kept her out of pain and agitation, but yes, I felt relief that her journey was nearly over. My sister in law and I were with her as she took her last breath and although we cried, there was relief on both our parts.

It's okay to feel both sad and relieved. I hope that you get to see her again.
I am sure you weren’t expecting quite that news.

You probably are feeling a lot of mixed emotions which I think are normal.

I am sure you will have lots of tough decisions over the next couple weeks.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom as you go through all this.
Know how you feel. I’ve got some issues with my mom also but it’s so hard to see them failing. Stay strong Magoo.........
No doubt that this is tough news to handle. I will be thinking you. It sounds like she may be ready to go. I know it must be hard on you though. Take care of yourself and I hope that she will find peace.
Ahhh, Erica, not at all unusual to feel relief. When my mom passed, just this past June, it was very strange for me. I had been her caregiver for four very long years that ended about two years before her passing. I am still in a strange place because I feel like I should feel some grief, miss her, something. I guess I kind of miss her, but her Alzheimer's had taken her probably at least five years ago. I saw the decline daily and the grief was a bit every day for that four years. It wears a person out.

This will be hard for you, I imagine. Thinking of you and mom. Are they going to bring in hospice? It will help for everyone.
To be honest they haven’t mentioned hospice. Do they do that in the hospital? She can’t be home and have it as there is no one but me and I live in Canada & she’s in NJ. I was mostly told palliative care, Keep her comfortable.
Palliative care is very similar to Hospice. You’re doing all the right stuff. It’s time to let her go peacefully and without pain.
Erica, there is palliative care witha little p, which can include Hospice, and Palliative care with a capital P, which is its own thing. Ask them explicitly about Hospice.
Erica, I’m very sorry to hear of your mom’s condition. After long illnesses we want our loved ones to be at peace. We are happy for them even though we suffer a loss. As you said, she’s your mom. You will miss her. Safe travels.

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