Difficulty with all family members taking on their equal share of caregiving...
I am 22 years old and currently live at home with my mother and grandmother. My mother was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's 2 years ago and my grandma is 84 years old with dementia. I have lived in my grandmothers house with my mother and two sisters my whole life, so this is the only home I know. Although I plan on moving out, I only recently graduated college and will probably need to stay at home for at least another year until I am financially ready to be on my own.
I find myself constantly angry and resentful towards my family. My mother has 2 brothers, both of who take ZERO responsibility or show the slightest concern regarding her Alzheimer's. Her daily life is a struggle, and as to how her own brother's don't bother to lend a helping hand to their own sister or nieces is beyond me.
My grandma used to be the head of this household, but now she has totally lost it. She constantly has accidents. I have literally seen her peeing on the living room floor while walking to get the remote. I have also literally stepped in her feces BAREFOOT. She NEVER showers. Flat out refuses to. She sleeps all day, and her behavior is actually really concerning to me. She doesn't know what day it is, what year it is, and can't even remember if she ate or not.
Since day one, I have always reached out to my family for help. My sisters are always there for me, although I don't think they fully grasp what full time life is like here. They sometimes criticize my role as a caregiver which I find completely unfair. I am here 24/7 to care for both my mom and grandma at the age of 22, while working a full time job. I cook, clean, shop, give out medications, pick up medications, help bathe, and am responsible for having my mom prepared and ready for all doctor's appointments once every two weeks as well as support group 2x a week. Despite that, they are helpful and there for me and do come home to help, and also take care of my moms financial concerns as well, which is a huge help.
I have begged my uncle for the past year to get help for my grandma. If not an aide who stops by a few times a week, at least a life alert bracelet! I have woken up to my grandma yelling for help after falling in the middle of the night on more than one occasion, and have had to call 911 for help because I was unable to lift her up. What if I wasn't home? I do stay at my boyfriend's apartment 2 nights a week, which I feel is something I am absolutely allowed to do. But this year has come and gone. No aide, no life alert. NO HELP.
I truly come home from work every day and feel like I am at my wits end. I even take it out on my mother and grandmother. I can no longer function as the only person who cares what happens to these two people. My other uncle, FORGET IT. He does nothing at all, and flat out disgusts me.
Me and my sisters try our best. We got our grandma involved with a local charity where she gets hot meals delivered 1x a day 5x a week and also gets library books sent to the house to try to keep her engaged. I also arranged to have a volunteer come once a week to play board games with her. But why did we have to take the initiative? Why couldn't her sons?
As far as an aide, that is out of my hands. My uncles control her finances, so if they are unwilling to supply her with what she needs, what am I supposed to do?
I feel helpless, and so so angry at my uncles. If I never had to speak to them again, I wouldn't.
My father, who has been divorced from my mother for 20 years, and his wife help care for my mother and grandmother more then their own blood does.
I just don't know what to do anymore.