Designated Daughter

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I have my mother living with me for about two months, I just built a house so I could take her in. I am alone so of course my other sisters here in town just think it's not a hardship to have mom here. They should try it for a day or two but instead they get to go on with their lives and come and go as they please which is bad enough but then I get alot of advice but not much help except when they feel like spending an hour or so with her. I work outside the home and have to have someone come in for 3 hours a day so she isn't alone for a really long time. My mother is a kind person but it gets so hard to hear the same 10 things repeated all day everyday. I find myself getting so frustrated with her that it's driving me nuts. I wonder if I made a huge mistake.


I am in a very similar situation, only I am a struggling artist and poorly paid adjunct assistant professor, so I work mainly from home. My sister and sister-in-law, however, do try to help but there is a lot of drama going on in both their families. My mom is losing her memory and it's very frightening. Especially as her short term memory is pretty much shot, now.

Our family chiropractor advised me to take 15 to 20 minutes a day for myself to meditate - he even offered to loan me his last meditation vcr tape! Luckily, I don't need directed meditation and can self-direct. I have been mostly successful at least at trying to meditate almost every day and I have to say that it has helped a lot!

The point is, you need to somehow release the tension of your mom's repitition. Realize that for her, each time is the first time. Very small children also engage in repittiosness: for example they can watch the same film over and over and over ad infinitum. You need an outlet for the tension because you can't count on anyone but yourself and trying to when they can't or won't help just builds more tension.

Good luck. I know we all need it!
I too, care for my elderly Mom who is suffering from demetia among many other physical problems...I work from home, so it was logical that I take her in to my home
PCVS, great words of advice and wisdom! I certainly appreciated reading your thoughtful reply. Thanks for sharing.
I am taking care of my 81 year old mother and 76 year old aunt and i have no other source of income. I am 50 yrs old and someone told me i could get paid for taking care of them. How do i find out?
My mom is the best, but her forgetfulness and repeating the same questions over and over make me crazy. Fortunately, we do not live together. She is strong in body but her short term memory is full of holes. When I tell her the answer for the umpteenth time, she will say oh yes I asked you that before. However, she doesn't remember that the next time she thinks of the subject and here we go again. I don't know how to handle this because when I tell her what is going on she gets very defensive and hurt. HELP!
don't tell her about her problem it is the best way to keep peace. unfortunitly you have to keep answering the same old questions. i am right beside you with the same issue. it does irritate me but i just try to stay calm.
good luck
I know what you mean about the repetition. It does makes you crazy. Depending on my mom's mood (and mine), I sometimes try to make a joke out of it, and she will start laughing, too. Other times, I just listen and don't comment. She used to get defensive, but since I started joking about it, she doesn't try to hide the fact that she doesn't remember telling me the story or asking me the question. I think the defensiveness is a form of denial about their memory loss. After four years of living with my mom, maybe I am actually learning how to cope. We can only hope. Meditation does help....if I can remember to make the time for it!!
I am assisting my father, fortunately I do not live with him, but for the past three years I have been the go to kid... like you I have siblings that visit my dad, so in their minds they are doing their part… but when it comes to actual care and he says something to them... I get a call from them… did dad tell you????? Like I never talk to him and I need to get over there and take care of it… lol
Repeating the same stories now for three years… I find myself drifting off during his stories… but every now and then he says something new… I usually just act as if it is the first time I have heard it with comments like OH REALLY… I try to keep him from getting frustrated, he is really hard to deal with when he get frustrated… I will keep you in my prayers…

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