Dementia, Sick and tired of this!

Started by

I hate dementia...I hate dementia...I want a divorce...I cannot do this..I will not do this..I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD! I am NOT going to do this...I am saving my money...I AM OUT the first chance I get....TO H*LL WITH DEMENTIA!


ive read a bit about mental illness and was surprised how many times divorce was offered as the solution. caring for a demented elder might be one wild animal but being in an emotional relationship with a nut case would probably result in your own insanity or worse ..
its common practice in the mental health field , when someone is admitted to a stress unit , keep your heads up cause not far away is an equally bent spouse ..
save yourself , those are my honest feelings on this issue based on the limited info youve provided ..
Sherry, I understand the divorce if for no other reason than to preserve whatever resources that you may have remaining. There is a process called spousal impoverishment that is also used for the same purpose. Have you tried to find a facility for him? Do you have his POA with rights to place him if incapacitated? You can go to a website AVVO to pose your questions to attorneys , receive responses at no charge. The more you tell them about your situation the better the answers will be. Good Luck!
Hugs to you, dear Sherry. I hate dementia too! I hate it! I hated it in my husband, and I hate it in my mother. I would gladly have divorced the dementia, but unfortunately it was attached to my husband.

Is there anything in particular that inspired this vent? Are you having a particularly hard day? Are you considering placing your husband in an appropriate care center? I don't know your situation, I just know it is awful to lose your life partner one memory at a time. So hugs to you.

If you feel like talking about it, go ahead an give more details. If you just want to rant a bit, go right ahead!
id divorce an abusive nut job but a wife who was kinkier than a sack of slinkys with 25 seconds of shortterm memory i could probably play that out for a while..
a male friend in Fort Liquordale is married, it's his first marriage. he's Catholic. it's not approved by the Church, so technically he's not married. the point is, he has every moral opportunity to get out of this so called marriage for any reason. and Florida is a no fault state, which would make it even easier. 50-50 split the assets, the kids are gone, living in California.

his so called wife is crazier than squirrel poop. i've known for about 12 years she's an alcoholic drug addict, which is enough to drive anyone out the door. now for the last several years she has a new addiction, twitter. is on there 24x7 saying the most outrageous controverial blaspemous outlandish immoral things i've ever seen or heard in my entire life. it's way beyond disgusting and indecent. slanderous hateful remarks about almost everyone and everything, except herself of course. she puts on a public image that's almost the exact opposite of reality, acts poor, innocent, fighting for human rights, when in fact she is living a life of pampered luxury to an extreme, beach front property, global traveler, ridiculous wealth, formerly married to a pro football player now a big time banker. she's even been slandering her husband's profession, which pays all her bills, keeps roof overhead.

the big point is this. despite having every conceivable excuse in the world to divorce this person captain is absolutely correct. she is one hot looking mess. i have spoken my friend about what's going on, she is undoubtedly making a complete azz out of him in the community, bank, neighborhood. guess what, he couldn't care less. as long as she has two brain cells to rub together cap'n got it right.

if you want a divorce it has nothing to do with dementia. i'm sorry, but that's my opinion. people stay together thru a lot worse than this, and people get divorced for a lot less than this. a priest once told me that two people get married for one reason and one reason only, they both want something the other person can give them. whether that is money, sex, social status, whatever, only you know the answer in your situation. my guess is you're watching the money slip thru your fingers and it's scaring you to the point that you see divorce as the only option to protect your winnings, avoid returning to the workforce, assuming you were ever in it.
dementia is a monster dusty. its pure and simply incremental insanity. staying with a demented spouse might be a possibility in some cases but what if you have a combative patient who resists your help ?
my ex is just hardheaded , ocd , with depressive issues and i could have never lived with it. couldnt imagine living with her to this day . the first time she rattled her tea glass, slammed the toilet seat , exhaled a cigarette loudly or any one of a million other passive aggressive acts she'd end up in the freezer .. she was / is pretty good looking too as long as she stays above - 10 degrees ..
It's an illness of the brain. If you hate her for it, then she is better off elsewhere.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support