Decided to re-visit the past and re-set my emotions
Mom is in her 90's, has dementia and lives in independent living so we have to do everything for her since she refuses to move. She is stubborn, negative and difficult. This has been going on for 8 years, and my sister and I are on a treadmill and feeling tired of getting nowhere fast. After another frustrating visit of screaming at her for hours (because she is almost deaf) repeating myself 5 times in an hour, having the same conversation three times about the same topic we have talked about every visit for 5 years, I decided to remind myself of the good things. It has been so long since Mom was Mom that I had forgotten how much I loved her, how much fun we used to have, the things we used to do, the funny things she used to say and how she was always there for me, how much I missed her when I lived out of state. It helped me a lot, remembering that this is not her fault, this is not what she used to be and not how I should remember her when she is gone. If I remind myself of how it used to be, I think I will have more patience with who she is now.