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Dear Granonthego,
Ok, I finally went to the gym to work out for the first time this whole year!! Normally, it would be 3-4x a week, every year, but with things that have happened, I lost interest in doing things that once thrilled me. That, I've read is normal for a daughter CG who is under tremendous stress. But I want to strengthen my body before I get onto my bikes.
We had to place Mom in hospice a couple of weeks ago. Her excruciating pain was more than we could handle and her lower abdomen was distended, hard and painful. She had pee stuck in her bladder for over two months, that's why she always felt like she had to go--she really did have to go, but it couldn't come out, so her distended bladder was pushing against everything inside and it gave her such intense pain that even the liquid morphine wasn't helping. Now they give her two long lasting pill morhpine 2x a day and in between if she still has pain, they give her the liquid one. She still has great difficulty moving her bowels because of the tumor that is growing inside of her colon. They cathetarized her and she has a foley bag now. Actually, Mom is getting so much better at hospice that she now wants to come home and misses home and me so very much. But I cannot take care of her medical needs at this point. I do not have the skills, medical knowledge, equipment, RX meds that she needs and if something should come up at night, I do not have the skills to know what to do. I feel very hurt and full of pain when I have to leave her at hospice because she gets soooo sad when I have to leave. She wants me there 24/7 and that's impossible.
But I just wanted to tell you that I have begun the process of working out again and then getting on my bike as soon as my muscles begin to get fit again. Thank you so much for your love and advice......I don't think that I would of started doing all of this again if you did not tell me to do it again. I would of just let it go.
THANK YOU Garonthego!!!!!
She also has another large tumor that has grown in the same place that the cancerous tumor was removed two years ago. So her cancer is metastic. She doesn't understand these things and thinks all the time that sis said she can come home today or tomorrow, etc...

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