Dad's a hospice patient and mom insists he get up, eat & be dressed daily, this isn't what dad wants.

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Nurses tell her not to,but she insists. Dad is 92 very immobile, two person assist with cath. Parkinson's dementia, COPD, pacemaker, heart failure, enlarged prostrate, inoperable growths on kidney, previous history of dysphasia etc. mom will feed even watered food even while in bed.


Poor Mom:( Sounds like she needs a good cry and a reality check. She doesn't want to accept the obvious changes. What are you telling her? If I were you I would side with Dad and the nurses.
Maybe find a support group for her to help her cope, or her doctor. Take care:) xo
Mom would never go to a support group nor would she share with her MD. We she goes to her MD I have to fill the blanks of what is going on, then she gets aggravated because we brought the MD up to date.
Sylbert, I am sorry, this must be difficult for you. Some people feel its very important for people to continue to dress. Sometimes they feel that people who don't dress each morning have given up. Poor Mom, maybe it is so important to her that he not give up for her sake. Does he mind doing this for her?
"Does he MIND doing this for her"? Serious? I think I'm losing my mind reading here tonight.
Sylbert, what is your Mom trying to accomplish, and are you trying to help your Dad or further your Mom's demands? Who is in charge?
Poor Mom. At the very least she is in severe denial. Perhaps she even has some cognitive issues herself. Dad is dying. He doesn't need to get up and get dressed. He doesn't need to eat watered food.

Who are the two people who assist him up? No one should be doing that at this point.

I truly feel sorry for your mom, but I think she must be prevented from tormenting her husband. He needs peace.
ChristinaW, I couldn't be more serious. I think it could be an act of love- on both of their parts. I could see myself not wanting to let go of my husband and I could also see myself putting up with being dressed while dying because he needed it.

At our hospice meeting for MIL last month, attire was addressed. They asked how we thought MIL would like to be dressed each day. I am going to guess that this was not the first time attire during hospice had been addressed on this planet.

Sylbert's mom isn't necessarily in need of counseling or having some sort of mental issue. She could just be having trouble with the anchor of her world "fixing" to be cut loose.

Best to Sylbert's family at this difficult time.
Oncehateddil, it did not sound like wife is asking husband if he would like to be dressed. The nurses, as professionals familiar with ALL his symptoms are advising against it. Why put the poor guy through any more distress and exertion? That is my point. Just to make the wife feel better about it? I think it's selfish. She should be thinking of his comfort. It takes two people to move him. KISS. IMHO.
Married people are sometimes selfish, it's not always a bad thing. Relationships become harmful when one partner is the only one being selfish. Some people aren't selfish enough and end up getting walked on their entire marriage.

People come from different backgrounds and experiences. One of the benefits from a board like this is getting to read the thoughts and opinions of others.
I agree! Lol see, I don't argue about everything :) xo

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