How to Deal With A Particularly Negative, Critical Family Member.
Hi all. I first posted here two years ago, when I was having problems with my mom being very hateful toward me. You'll be glad to know that after talking with her doctor, she agreed to go on anti-depressant medicine. It has made a WORLD of difference! We have our disagreements, but things are a lot better.
However, over the last year, she's been dealing with a number of health issues. Malignant mass removed from her left kidney last October. Then, in June, she found out she has non-Hodgkins lymphoma. She started chemo and has done very well. Unfortunately, she fell and broke her ankle halfway through treatment and has been in a nursing home for almost two months for short term physical therapy.
When this happened, I sent a simple, one page letter to family members and friends, telling them where she is, when visiting hours are, that they are MORE than welcome to visit, and gave them her phone number. Well, apparently, this has upset one of them. I got a very mean, hateful e-mail from her the other night saying "You have mad it more than clear to everyone that you do not want to be bothered. But if your Mom calls me and is concerened, I WILL call you, I DON"T care how busy you are. Most busy/unavailable people have a phone number or a answering machine where they can be reached when there are problems with a family member. This is after a year ofnothing but "it's only going to get worse, you need to do this, you have to do that." I am so mad I can't see straight. Right now, I'm the one who works a full eight hour day, goes home long enough to feed the cat, chekc the mail, etc., then go spend some time with my mother. She's been to see her 2-3 times in almost two month. When I asked her for help earlier in the summer, she gave it reluctantly. THEN, she told my mother, "I'm only telling you this because I love you, but you're house stinks. I've never seen it so dirty." I'm just so tired of her and her negative attitude. If wanting to have a few hours in the evening of private time makes me a bad person, then so be it. I have TWO cell phones, so if my land line is busy, the nursing home can reach me. And it's not like I said "don't contact me at all--this person knows my e-mail and I would've gladly sent her a note to update her on things. Have any of you had a family member like this? How do you deal with them? I'll tell you this--my friends are the ones keeping me sane right now. My relatives sure as hell aren't.
number. I also asked them not to call me at work; that my office frowns on personal calls. Then went on to explain that it is VERY hard to reach me in the evenings because I'm visiting Mom.