Need Help Desperately!! Caregiving is breaking up my parents’ marriage.

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I don't know if this is the place to put this or not but I don't know where to look.. My Aunt passed away 2 years ago so my Grandmother who was living with her ended up moving in with my parents and my Mother was given the responsibility of caring for her. My Grandmother got kind of mean toward the end of her life a year ago and it was putting a huge strain on my parents relationship. Then they got to the point that they couldn't care for her anymore and they had to put her in a nursing home. Within a week she passed away due to nursing home neglect. Unfortunately this has been something that my father has never forgiven himself for (his mother). I think that there has been a deep resentment towards my Mother although he has never said anything. Next though within a week of my Grandmother passing away my Great Aunt moved in with them and the caregiving continued. It has continued for about a year now and my Mom is constantly feeling 2nd to either my Grandmother or my Aunt in my Dad's life.. I know that they love each other but they are now talking about divorce. My Dad doesn't understand but he is trying to get her help. My Mom says that counseling is not going to help but I think she needs someone other than me to talk to about the things that are going on, not that I don't want to listen or hear.. HELP PLEASE I need to know how to save my parents marriage.

3 Comments

If only it were as simple as that. It is not within your power to save your parents' marriage, or at least I don't think it is, but you may want to suggest cousneling for them, or at least have them join a support group together where they can share the complex feelings of guilt, shame, depression and everything in between to learn that they are not alone and that those feelings need not tear them apart. Sounds like they need some place safe to start surfacing those pent up emotions and frustrations which would be hard for them to do with you because you are too close to the problem and are also their child. How about starting by talking to your doctor, or to one of your parents' doctors first? Explain the situation. Good doctors will listen and know how to point you and your parents in the right direction. Hang tough. Don't absorb the stressors of your parents' marriage. You have enough to deal with in your life and situation you describe.
If you mother is againist cousneling maybe she could get into a caregivers support group at a local hospital or a senior center or a office for the aging. It must be very difficult for you to watch your parents marriage in trouble, but you are not responsible for their problems, would it be possible for the three of you to go to family counseling or you go by yourself for counseling since their problems are affecting you. Would it be possible for your mother to come to this site and get a chance to vent her feelings with a supportive group who will listen and perhaps give her some tips or suggestions on how to cope-it sounds like she is suffering greatly and I'm sure someone could be a comfort to her that is what we are all about.
Love and Respect. Have your parents read Ephesians Chapter 5. Get them copy of the Love and Respect DVD's or the book by Dr. E. Emmerson.

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