My Mom is Struggling to Take Care of My Dad

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I have read several entries on this site and I'm hoping I have finally found an outlet that might help me! I am a 41 yr old whose parents are in their early 70's.They are fortunate enough to still live in their house.Dad has had many major health issues which has left him weak and a little feable (respiratory issues) and mom has assumed the responsibility of caregiver. After 45 yrs of marriage, dad has relied on mom for everything and I don't think that's going to change. Dad is needy and whiny beyond comprehension and mother loves/hates doting on him. She has gotten to the point that she is terrified of something happening to him, falling, hurting himself, or worse. Although he drives her carzy 24/7, she won't leave his side even for a minute. I have tried to get them out of the house and active, as well as get mom out of there for a bit, but both are unmotivated to move or be away from eachother. Mom is miserable, but won't help herself. She thinks she is the only person who can look after him. She really doesn't even sleep anymore as she needs to "keep an eye on him in case he gets out of bed". She is 70 herself and has her own health issues. Occassionally he falls and she has to help him up. Can't do that much longer. They both refuse outside help or a caretaker. Many more issues, but I'll stop rambling for now. What can I do to help mom from going crazy?? She's at her wits end with him and cried on the phone tonight. Killed me. I appreciate any comments or suggestions.


Neeka.. so glad you're here. It sounds like it's been rough for everyone around. If it were me, I would gather as much info about your dads illness as i could. What are his limitations? first you all need a more healthy routine. Mom DOES need rest. Something we all need to remember ourselves. Be real with your parents of the NEGATIVE side effects this will have on if it continues this way. Your mom wants to take care of him, but wont able to for long will she? neither are motivated. that in itself is unhealthy as we all know and it shows mentally and physically in the long run. stress the negative. dont be afraid. be blunt. stun them! then give them the POSITIVE. longer and happier life is the way i see it. thats the best positive!! get in contact with your local dept of social services for the aging. they do a free evaluation(well they do here in VA). There are also Adult Day Cares! =) wouldnt it be fun for them to hang out with others and play games that are in the same situation? Hope what i said helps in some small way! Take care of YOU
Sorry, neeka.. a few more words of encouragement. I just remembered. There are places you can contact that have volunteers to come visit. just visit. your mom feels shes the only one who can do this. even though getting a volunteer to come sit for a bit for company, that person wants to be there too same as your mom. already something in common!! Were they involved in a religious organization? my grandmother recently had double valve and double bypass surgery. Her pastor came and he said he was "gathering the forces" to come and visit. it doesnt take a middle man to contact them. go to them(if your parents are involved that is).

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