Care-giving vs. Parental estate: My family cares more about the money.

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I'm having a difficult time telling family to concentrate on mom more and not moms money.

I have a sister that has been disowned for 30+ years. She is a drug and alcohol abuser, been homeless and now lives with the hare Krishna or Moony. When mom allowed her in her life, she begged money from mom and when mom wouldn't give in, she would steal it. Mom and dad made their decision to exclude her. My sister is physically and verbally abusive to mom.

Since the death of dad and moms decline, the sister has been trying to get to mom so she can get moms money. (The estate is not large, but we have enough to pay for moms care for her lifetime.) Mom has placed restraining orders on this sister and I have told her mom doesn't want anything to do with her because of all the things she does to hurt mom. Mom still takes sisters phone calls though, and has sent her money on birthdays and holidays. Mom just sent her 2000.00 because sister said she was losing her house.

Here is the problem. I'm moms step-daughter. Dad married mom 30 years ago and my step sister was already grown. All of my dads family are gone and all we have left are family on my step moms side who do not know me. Sister has contacted all the distant relatives that have been out of moms live 40+ years. Telling them that mom has millions of dollars and that I convinced mom to leave me everything. Mom has investments that total 300,000. That's all. When you look at the big picture it's really not that much for her care. Back to the point...............

I was deeded my parents house because the house was daddy's before the marriage and he wanted me to have it with the guarantee that mom would never have to go to a NH and could remain the rest of her life. I love my mom. Step or no step, she raised me and I love her more then my real mother. The distant family was informed of her condition and as soon as they heard that she was given 6 months, the vultures flocked. (the 6 mo diagnosis was given over 2 years ago).

I've tried to tell mom to divide the estate equally, and she won't have it. Mom doesn't want anything to do with her, and the way mom was raised was to be nice to everyone. Mom is upset with the intrusion of the distant family, but won't stand up to them either. I can't do it as they are accusing me of undo influence. They have called adult protective services, they call her hospice team, every organization you can call, they have called. These people tell me and mom that I am not blood and should not be allowed to have her estate. They don't care about her health at all.

I have tried to call them when she has falls or declines and they don't seem to care, but when any of them want money they call and mom most times will send a check. I'm at my wits end with talking about her finances and I am worried that they will eventually drain her. I have GPOA and MPOA, but mom has not gotten any psych testing, and until that time I don't want to take away her control of anything.

I'm just discouraged by the verbal abuse they show. They say horrid things about and to me and it does hurt.

Ending on a pleasant note, the Dr. changed her anxiety meds and she is more cognitive, eating more and is in much less pain. HURRAY!!!

2 Comments

If you have both POA's what difference does it make that these "nuckleheads" keep popping up. You can't control what your mom gives to her children though so stop worrying about that. When they call authorities on you and the charges are dismissed, that's all that matters. There is no substance to their accusations and they are just mad because you have all the power.

Hold on to your power and your sanity, (well when you find it:) Don't let them get you down. You just keep your head up and keep on performing the way you have with your dignity.

My friend lost her dad. Her dad had some more kids by another woman, maybe a wife I don't know, and one of his daughters and his grandson lived with her dad and his wife. None of the other kids would do anything for him but my friend did a lot of things for him all the time, even more than his wife did. But when that man died, his wife put the daughter and her son out. Said they'd lived off her husband long enough and now that he was gone they were not gonna live off her. I don't know why I told this story but there seems to be some moral in there somewhere.

Don't talk to them if they verbally abuse you. People don't believe them because they know that you are doing a great job, more than any of them. People know!

I am glad the Dr. changed her meds though, sounds like things on her end are getting much better which makes you feel better.

Keep up the good work, you're an angel.
You are an angel! Sounds like you may need an attorney; at least talk to one. In fact, since your mom's a senior, you can probably talk to one for free. Wise counsel sounds in order here. As for the vultures...well. Actions speak louder than words. As long as you cover yourself, and document everything you do, always looking after her best interests, you should be doing well. Wow, you sure have your work cut out. Will be praying for you.

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