Care-giving vs. Parental estate: My family cares more about the money.
I'm having a difficult time telling family to concentrate on mom more and not moms money.
I have a sister that has been disowned for 30+ years. She is a drug and alcohol abuser, been homeless and now lives with the hare Krishna or Moony. When mom allowed her in her life, she begged money from mom and when mom wouldn't give in, she would steal it. Mom and dad made their decision to exclude her. My sister is physically and verbally abusive to mom.
Since the death of dad and moms decline, the sister has been trying to get to mom so she can get moms money. (The estate is not large, but we have enough to pay for moms care for her lifetime.) Mom has placed restraining orders on this sister and I have told her mom doesn't want anything to do with her because of all the things she does to hurt mom. Mom still takes sisters phone calls though, and has sent her money on birthdays and holidays. Mom just sent her 2000.00 because sister said she was losing her house.
Here is the problem. I'm moms step-daughter. Dad married mom 30 years ago and my step sister was already grown. All of my dads family are gone and all we have left are family on my step moms side who do not know me. Sister has contacted all the distant relatives that have been out of moms live 40+ years. Telling them that mom has millions of dollars and that I convinced mom to leave me everything. Mom has investments that total 300,000. That's all. When you look at the big picture it's really not that much for her care. Back to the point...............
I was deeded my parents house because the house was daddy's before the marriage and he wanted me to have it with the guarantee that mom would never have to go to a NH and could remain the rest of her life. I love my mom. Step or no step, she raised me and I love her more then my real mother. The distant family was informed of her condition and as soon as they heard that she was given 6 months, the vultures flocked. (the 6 mo diagnosis was given over 2 years ago).
I've tried to tell mom to divide the estate equally, and she won't have it. Mom doesn't want anything to do with her, and the way mom was raised was to be nice to everyone. Mom is upset with the intrusion of the distant family, but won't stand up to them either. I can't do it as they are accusing me of undo influence. They have called adult protective services, they call her hospice team, every organization you can call, they have called. These people tell me and mom that I am not blood and should not be allowed to have her estate. They don't care about her health at all.
I have tried to call them when she has falls or declines and they don't seem to care, but when any of them want money they call and mom most times will send a check. I'm at my wits end with talking about her finances and I am worried that they will eventually drain her. I have GPOA and MPOA, but mom has not gotten any psych testing, and until that time I don't want to take away her control of anything.
I'm just discouraged by the verbal abuse they show. They say horrid things about and to me and it does hurt.
Ending on a pleasant note, the Dr. changed her anxiety meds and she is more cognitive, eating more and is in much less pain. HURRAY!!!