Boundries are important.
Boundries are important
It cannot be emphasied strongly or often enough how important it is to set boundries. The sooner the better. Under "On your mind" I wrote "People treat us the way we allow (and sometimes encourage) them to." The "honeymoon phase" - when we allow ourselves to look at an eldercare situation with rose colored glasses we set ourselves up for defeat.
The fact of the matter (may not want to face the truth, but it is neccessary) many elderly and disabled individuals will take complete advantage if they are allowed (sometimes encouraged) to. I read many comments here to the effect of "The more I do, the more s/he expects". Ask yourself why. . . Most often the answer is because you answer the call (demand) all the while complaining and seeing self as the dutiful child . . . You cannot blame spouses, siblings, those who "don't help enough", or even the person who you are trying to help, who has now become the monster of your nightmares. You have allowed yourself to become the slave. Many are furious at others for not allowing themselves to become enslaved too. Mysery loves company - sorry, but this is true.
You want Mom or Dad to die fast? Here is the recipe - do EVERYTHING for them! The best way to care for a disabled or elderly loved one is to require them to be responsibile for as much of their own care as possible. Before anyone jumps on me, I live this. I have lengthy experience with caring for elderly and disabled loved ones. When you do everything for them, require nothing of them, consider them the "poor pathetic invalid" you have taken away their self, and frequently their motivation, as well as their will to live.
Set boundries without guilt. Leave the drama at the door. This is not about proving love. It is about quality of life. Quality of life for both the elderly/disabled and for their caregiver. We ALL have limitations. Setting reasonable boundries is not bad behavior, rather it is the most loving and kind thing we can do for ourselves and our loved ones.