Anyone else's friends disappear?

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Has anyone else experienced friends letting them down or disappearing altogether after taking on caregiving responsibilities? Being a gold-medal codependent, I've always been there for my friends in their difficult times, so it was a bit of a shock when mine let me down as soon as I was suddenly responsible for my failing elderly mom. During some of this time, I didn't even have a working car! Some of them offered to visit her when I couldn't...and then didn't. Instead I was accused of "being distracted" and suddenly not attentive, as though I was doing something wrong when I was dealing with Medicaid eligibility guidelines, bills, nursing home staff, etc. I know I'm better off without unreliable, entitled people in my life, but I'd like to hear others' experiences in this regard. It's been a bizarre two years.


narcsurvivor....I'm sorry your "Friends" disappeared on you.I know it hurts because mine did too.Even my closest friend was invisible when I needed her most.I just needed a friend to talk to,a listening ear.I always thought she'd be there for me...I don't know why they disappear.Maybe they are scared about what may be ahead for them or maybe they feel guilty because they would never do all we do for our loved ones,maybe they don't know what to say,I don't know,except that it hurts.That's why I'm extra thankful for this site Agingcare.Iv'e met kinder people on here than many I have known for years and they really care.Take care.......
i had one ( female ) friend stick with me thru bed bugs , caregiving relief , and many other trials . i'd helped her thru her mothers unexpected death 7 yrs earlier .
her mom was a 72 yr old meth head . her heart blew so hard that it took out most of the kitchen ceiling drywall .
ahh, good memories . the next time i see betsy i think ill punch her in the face .
i didnt realize how long that fn idiot has been sticking by me .

Not only "friends" disappear, Medical people your loved one has seen,some for many years, disappear as well.

A few months ago, a man wrote to Dear Abby, because he was upset that medical people his wife saw, forgot him and her after she passed. She made them baked goods, and he thought that these folks were their friends. Abby gave good advice, which you may take as well, and told him to forgive them.
Some of the friends have become much closer. Some of the oldest friends have disappeared. I'd say it's been about 50/50.

Those friends I have helped the most, as also the ones helping me now. Sometimes it is just a phone call and someone to tell the crap to...sometimes it has been an afternoon out to enjoy myself and just get out of the house.. You can be sure, I will not be one to disappear if they ever call me for help
It isn't easy for me to get close to people. I had some friends in TX, but those friendships faded over time. I haven't made any real friends here, just some acquaintances. It isn't really people's fault. I'm a bit shy about getting close to people and don't feel I have much to offer at the moment. I can't invite anyone home, since Mom likes to sit in her old pajamas all day and the house is kind of embarrassing to me. I do wish I had one or two good friends I could have lunch with and go to movies. I have been so alone since I left the ex in TX. I wish we lived in a 55+ community. Our neighborhood is very young. I get along with everyone, but they're young enough to be my kids and grandkids. Strange -- I'm one of those people that people seem to like, but no one gets to know. I have a feeling it is my fault. :(
Jessebelle, The more you share, the more you are known, people will just like you and enjoy you all the more. It takes a little more time to get to know you? You are more careful? That just makes you all the more good to know. imo.
Most of my friends busy with their own lives, and me not being available to do the same things with them, today I was speaking with a complete stranger and she could just as well have been a good friend from long ago. With people like that in the world, I am greatly encouraged. She was a grandma too, whose grandkids also say: "Why do you speak to strangers, it's so embarrassing!" Lol.
Nevermind friends disappearing- that's understandable but what the heck with direct relatives disappearing other than to put in their two cents on occasion - what am I supposed to do when someone offers up helpful words like well she's had a long life it's time for her to go - wtf?

I get your point - it's harder to make new friends after 50 and then you're tied down and so it goes - I have found as send mentions above that friends and kind words come from unexpected places too - the barista at Starbucks bought my coffee yesterday and thanked me for being a good daughter taking care of mom - so you know I'll pay that kindness forward
I am blessed with good family, friends, and colleagues. I work mostly from home but am asked about mom often. My children come often and bring grandkids so I get Grammy time... They will take care of mom so I can go to the zoo or museum for a bit....or to dinner with my amazing husband who supports me too. My brother and sister check in....I have friends that call....I truly am blessed.
Hopefully good friends -- true friends -- can reconnect. Looking back, I now realize I was under-supportive with 2 dear friends. Their caregiving journies began and ended a few years before I hopped on this sh*tty train ride. Wow. I Just. Didn't. Know.

Now that I have more perspective, I wish I had reached out to them more effectively. Or perhaps more creatively.

But because we are real friends, we picked up the slack when life was less brutal. And they unconditionally accepted me when I was sentenced to being half a person with half a weekend.

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