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Many times we aren't aware of our daily thoughts and how they can impact our overall well being. Our thoughts and feelings are projected by the words we use and the tone we use when saying them. The thoughts we think will either tear us down or build us up. If we don't take control of our thoughts we can even be terrorizing ourselves and zap our energy. Thoughts such as "No matter what I do it's never enough" leaves us feeling like were not good enough which in turn only makes us feel like giving up. If we replace that thought with "I always do my best to care for my _____, leaves us feeling good about what we are doing and that in turn gives us a sense of accomplishment and supports our feeling good. As caregivers we find ourselves giving lots of love to the ones we are caring for and now we need to show love to ourselves as well. Lets see how many ways we can come up with to give ourselves this love.. How many ways can we add to this sentence to complete it.. "I love myself therefore..

I love myself therefore I take a bubble bath when everyone is in bed.
I love myself therefore when I make a mistake I forgive myself and others.

Now it's your turn...

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endofmyrope1111

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28 hrs ago
A couple of little gifts for all you angels out there. Hope they give you a little boost! LOVE and PEACE

"You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity."
~ Epicurus

"Misfortune can force you into doing things you should be doing anyway. Lessons come from adversity. Anything can happen to anyone... You can find a new lease on life -- more meaning than you thought possible in simple things... Let go. Live in the moment. Go forward."
~ Christopher Reeve

"Overcoming adversity can become a habit, just as running from adversity can become a habit. Look around you and see if you don't notice people who seem to fall into one of these two categories. Some people seem to thrive on adversity. They love a challenge, they almost look forward to problems, and when adversity hits, they throw themselves into finding the "fix". Other people seem to run from problems almost out of reflex. Habits can work for you or against you, so make overcoming adversity a habit, and it will work for you."
~ Edward W. Smith

"I will have faith that, though I might not understand why adversity happens, by my conscious choice I can find strength, compassion, and grace through my trials."
~ Joe Tye

"We don't grow courageous by leading a life of ease. Rather, we become warriors by overcoming adversity, licking our wounds, and moving forward."
~ Chuck Gallozz

"Within each storm of life is hidden a key that will unlock another door that you were meant to walk through."
~ Steve Brunkhorst

"The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it."
~ Epicurus

"He that has never suffered extreme adversity knows not the full extent of his own depravation."
~ Charles Caleb Colton

"If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be."
~ John Heywood

"Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience, and we soon shall see them in their proper figures."
~ Joseph Addison

"Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time, but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way."
~ Bernie S. Siegel

"It is only after an unknown number of unrecorded labors, after a host of noble hearts have succumbed in discouragement, convinced that their cause is lost; it is only then that cause triumphs."
~ Madame Guizot

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
When it gets dark enough you can see the stars.
~ Lee Salk

" Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."
~ Charles "Tremendous" Jones

I needed these today as I do many days. They remind me that I'm on the right path. Hope they inspire and bring peace to some of you!! LOVE RULES
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Today when I look around me I will see "all that is right" about life, others and myself. I know as a caregiver it is easy to see all that is wrong because it's in our face and our responsibility to help but we can help better if we make our focus on what is right and what is good. If we just have the willingness to see good it is there. Seeing the good builds us up and strengthens us to carry on.
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I know that when there is a need, I can ask for help. I can keep asking until I find someone who is able to help. If we ask for help and the person refuses or cannot, we need to honor the response and not take it personally. Perhaps they have bigger issues than we do, but they do not know that they, too, can ask for help.
We can ask God for help: to place the helpful person in our life.
Today, I am thankful that I have the freedom to ask for help, and the objectivity to accept whatever answer I receive. Somehow, help will be provided. Believe.
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Today I am thankful that I have the ones I love around me.
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I affirm my worthiness of a healthy mind, body, and soul. I affirm that it is important to pay attention to my body when it's telling me it's tired, to recognize my own limitations is true humility, and to daily nourish my body, mind and soul. When I take care of my needs for sleep, good nutrition, and meditation and or prayer I am thus better equipped to take care of others. I affirm that I have to love and cherish myself before I can authentically love others. I affirm that worrying about what others might think is my Ego self which is born out of fear and is self destructing. Therefore I surrender my ego and let go of my fear so that love can fill the space where fear used to reside. I affirm that when my actions are love based, authentic when caring for others their is no resentment. Resentment is born from ego and ego is born from fear and where there is fear filling me up it destroys everything I try to do, it pushes love away therefore I must choose again and again to let go and trust in love. I remind myself that it doesn't matter what others say or think about me with regards to the one I care for. All that really matters is that I authentically love and care for myself and the one I care fore in the best way possible.
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This post is for anyone caring for a person who at one time abused them physically, sexually or emotionally as a child...
If we find ourselves overwhelmed with feelings of resentment and anger toward the parent or other persons we are a caregiver to we need to pay attention to these emotions, Why? Because our emotions are there for a reason. They are there to teach us, help us learn about who we really are. If we are willing, even for just a moment to look inside of ourselves to ask ourselves why are we feeling this way we can do more to change our lives than anything else.

We've all heard the statement "It's not what happens to us that matters but rather how we react to what happens". This applies to caregiving circumstances as well. We have someone we are caring for, maybe they will never get better but only worse. This is a fact we know. We can't change the circumstances and at times it can be more than a little overwhelming. However we can change the whole situation from one that has us in a continual state of physical and emotional exhaustion, How? By listening to what our emotions are telling us. If we are feeling irritated when asked to do something repeatedly we can look at our feelings and ask ourselves why are we feeling this way, is it because we are being asked to do something that this person is capable of doing for themselves but would rather be dependent on us to do it for them? If this is the case then they are passively aggressively using a form of manipulation to get what they want.

Why do they do this, and why is it important to understand this behavior? Usually people who use passive aggressive behaviors do so because they feel powerless. They lack self control therefore they seek power through others. This is really useless to them because it only gives them the feeling of control momentarily, it isn't lasting because this power comes from others therefore they will continually seek more and more power through others. If you are being influenced by someone like this you will have feelings of resentment and anger because they will suck the life out of you, It's a never ending cycle of frustration and blame. It's important for us to understand this so we can stop the cycle by stopping how we feed it.

How do we stop this destructive behavior patterns when it's something others are doing? Like I said previously.. we stop feeding it. One of the ways to do this would be to lovingly say no and to say no without feeling guilty about it. Before saying no we need to ask ourselves.. is he/she capable of doing this for themselves if they wanted to? If the answer is yes and we do it anyway our inner voice (emotions) are angry because inside we know we should not be doing it. So we need to ask ourselves the questions but more importantly we need to listen to our gut feelings. By telling this type of person NO we put the power back on them to make it happen. This will strengthen their personal power that will in turn build their own sense of personal worth that stays with them. Of course many of these individuals will get angry and sulk for awhile also because this is also part of their manipulation but if we don't play along and don't allow this eventually they will stop or at least slow down.

By building our own self respect and self love that is authentic it will give us personal power and self esteem that comes from within ourselves. Once we have our own power we will not need to get it from pleasing others, therefore we won't have the need to allow them to manipulate us as well. This explains why the abuser does everything they can to tear down the abused self esteem.

Please note that I am not a professional and my comments are based on my own research and personal experience.
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"We're all spiritual beings having a human experience."
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Cricket: the previous post is worthy of front page Aging Care Newsletter.
I forgot you started this thread. I am going to begin each day, starting tomorrow, reading this thread along with my Bible. Thank you so much for your insight, and generous sharing of your heart. Blessings, your Friend, Christina xo
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This post is for anyone who suffers from low self esteem, someone who might be feeling that no matter what they do for others that it's never enough...

The last 4+ yrs. have been a real challenge for me with taking care of my Father. I have had to take a serious look into my family's beliefs and re-evaluate my own beliefs. My Father is a very passive aggressive person who has always manipulated me to do things for him that he is capable of doing for himself ever since I was a little girl. At age 8 when his alarm went off he would yell for me to wake up and go make his coffee. I would do this and even fix it for him and take it to him while he was shaving, all the while my Mother would lay sleeping. That is just a mini sample of the way my parents believed and what I was taught. I pretty much did the cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc. No wonder for most of my life I would get my self esteem from others approval. We all know that getting our self esteem from others is a delusion and means we don't have any real self esteem.

Whenever we are having a struggle with facing a challenge do we blame ourselves with thoughts like "why can't I just get this right?" "Why can't I just see how to do this?"
Instead of automatically blaming ourselves why not say "I am doing the best that I can" or how about "I will learn a better way of doing this". Getting mad and frustrated with ourselves only breeds more anger and frustration, however acknowledging, appreciating ourselves, our actions builds us up and helps us to be more receptive to learning. So lets all remember to talk to ourselves with kindness and love as we go about our days. Our inner dialog can create a sense of inner peace and joy. If our inner dialog is all about self blame and criticism we can feel really miserable and very unhappy. Many times we talk to ourselves the way our parents talked to us when we were children.... the inner dialog is a continuance of what we were taught. We are no longer Children but Adults now and we have a choice about what we chose to believe.

I think that some of us who care for parents are subjected to the expectations of others. Us Daughters want to have the approval of our parents so we try and try and sometimes we can never be good enough no matter what we do, this belief is based on what is expected of us by a parent. Keep in mind that just because someone expects us to be a certain way, it doesn't make it right. In this situation this is where we have to overcome the old limiting beliefs that we learned from our parents and change our beliefs to support our self love. We want to love and honor our parents and do all that we can to see that their needs are met, but if our parent expects us to care for them at the expense of our own self care and needs then it is up to us to set the boundaries and say no. Self love can only come from self respect and if we don't respect and stand up for ourselves then how can we teach others to respect us.

It is my hope that by my sharing this experience here others who like myself, because of a parent who has created unloving expectations of them can be comforted to know that you are not alone. Also, know that there are better ways to help our parents than to become a Martyr for them. The key to having the right balance is to remember to respect and love yourself. This builds real self esteem. When we do this we can care for others based on love and good principles, not because we need to please others to feel like we are worthwhile. We need to know and recognize that we are worthwhile because of who we are, not because someone else says we are when we give them what they want.
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“Suffering ceases to be suffering in some way at the moment it finds a meaning.” — Viktor Frankl (psychiatrist who survived a Nazi concentration camp and wrote about his experiences in Man’s Search for Meaning)
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A friend posted this on the Grossed out thread and I wanted to share it with anyone looking here as well.

Wisdom
I also believe in all that is written below.
Read it slowly!


I BELIEVE...

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born.

A Death Certificate shows that we died.

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat . . . Relax . . .. And read this slowly...
I Believe....
That just because two people argue, that
doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue, that
doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones
with loving words.
Itmay be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done,
when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing,
and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you,
when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had,
and what you've learned from them...
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
if a friend cries out to you..
you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon..

I Believe....
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in.
I just did.

The happiest of people don't necessarily
have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

I am grateful for all the wonderful people
who help me throughout the journey of life...
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"You are an extraordinary being who is capable of far more than you know. Every thought, word, and feeling becomes the currency with which you purchase your life experiences." Cheryl Richardson.
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when i look at myself in the mirror i say oh uh more wrinkles waaaaa . hee hee oh my hair yikes more gray hair ! i just tell myself 'yep granny !'
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Here is something I found this morning that I want to share here.

10 Steps to Loving Yourself

1. STOP ALL CRITICISM. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

2. DON’T SCARE YOURSELF. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

3. BE GENTLE, KIND, AND PATIENT. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new way of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

4. BE KIND TO YOUR MIND. Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

5. PRAISE YOURSELF. Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

6. SUPPORT YOURSELF. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

7. BE LOVING TO YOUR NEGATIVES. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

8. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

9. MIRROR WORK. Look into your eyes often. Express the growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day say,“ I love you; I really love you.”

10. LOVE YOURSELF . . . DO IT NOW. Don’t wait until you get well or lose the weight or get the new job or the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.
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Eating lots of fruits and veggies makes me happy too! I recently started juicing and have found a great way to get the dark greens in without making it taste bad. Yay!
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what makes me happy is to see that someone has sent me a hug !
always brings a smile on my face .
thats what makes me happy .
makes me happy every morning to see that my dad looks so comfertable in bed and he is still breathing . thank u jesus ...
what makes me happy is to wake up feeling pain free . thank u doctor ....
another thing makes me happy to see aging care dot com .
xoxo
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I read something interesting today and wanted to share it with you all. It is a formula for improving the quality of our lives..

We should think thoughts that make us feel good
We should make choices that make us feel good
We chose actions that make us feel good

Okay this gives me reason to reflect.. I was emptying the clean dishes and putting them away and while I was putting the silverware away I was thinking How can doing this make me feel good? The answer came to me that It makes me feel good to have organized silverware. I know this is a simple thing but as caregivers our lives are full of to many of these simple and not so simple tasks and I think it might be helpful to us to ask ourselves these questions.

What thoughts do I have that make me happy (try to focus on them when we can)
What choices do I have that make me happy (even the smallest ones can make a difference in that it reminds us that we do have some choices) especially if we feel trapped in caregiving with no relief in sight.
What actions make me feel good? (even if its only getting to wash my own face)
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Thanks BridgetW, I think to many of us get so caught up in the stress of caring for others that we forget to not only care for ourselves but we can easily lose belief in our self worth and TG we have each other to remind us when we get off in this way.
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May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments.

Blessings,
Bridget
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I want to repost something said in another thread because it's something all of us no matter what we are doing or whatever circumstances we are in applies to us equally. We are all connected on a Soul level. Circumstances and Money or possessions or others don't make us who we are. and AnnT gets it in her statement below.. enjoy.

AnnT, I loved what you said "Am I too good to let someone help me? Just because I used to wear a suit and now I don't I should now feel like nothing? Did the suit make me? NO! I was just wearing the darned suit! " I love it when we get real with ourselves like that and know that we are MORE than our circumstances! Big HUGS to you!
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When I feel overwhelmed I will find new ways to look at my care-giving situation. I will forget about Blame for it doesn't strengthen my resolve to do what is right. I will let go of anger and resentment because they are poison to my cells. I will keep my focus on what is good in my situation and be aware of the ways I can make things better for myself and the one I care for. When things are at their worse, I will know that I am safe, I am loved and that if I don't feel I am appreciated by others, I appreciate how much I can love. When I feel like crying I will cry and know that it's okay. When I feel like I need help I will ask, I will accept the help that comes from others. I will fortify my strength by helping others. I will not be a Martyr in my cause.
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... I'll never feel like a doormat..
... I'll always make time to look good.
... taking to the bottle is not an option.
... I have a right to be happy; even for 5 minutes every day.
... I won't hold grudges or harbor any resentment towards anyone.
... I won't allow anyone to dictate who I'm supposed to be, how to feel about myself, and how much I'm worth.


Good night family!
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I love myself therefore I give to myself the love and care that I need even when that means saying no to others at times.
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cricket - thats the way i feel too . big hugs !! xoxox
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Today I am so grateful for the friends I have made here. In my opinion this group of people are the cream of the crop of humanity. I am the type of person who has been extremely cautious when it comes to choosing friends and I know that we all have our faults, that is what it means to be human, but underneath it all this group has a heart of gold.
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Forgiveness even when others don't deserve it stops the damage that is done to us on the inside because when we forgive we can let it go.
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I believe. I believe that we all deserve to feel safe. I believe that we all deserve to be happy. I BELIEVE.
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yeah, there was a RJ Gator right here in Port St. Lucie area where I live but they did close it down. My hubby was telling me that they sell Gator tail at the seafood market. so perhaps we will give it a try.. I imagine it tastes like chicken, LOL
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there used to be a place called RJ GATOR . it was very good . last i heard they shut the place down . lack of bussniess . damn !
when u get the chance and see one on ur menu u shall order some .. :-)
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I haven't tried gator tails yet, for real. Since I live in Florida it won't be long before I get around to it. Margaritas yum! I love Lobster. Once my Hubby caught a 5-7 lb. lobster while he was trolling for fish and even though he didn't have a lobster permit he stowed it away and we had it for dinner. Yum!
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