My sister, who says she is a nurse, is very abusive to our mother.

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She let her walk eventhough her knees ache and I hear crackles in her upper leg. I keep telling her that mother's hip may broken but she insist it is arthritis. She talks to her rough and she is always miserable. I know my mother doesnt lke the way she treats her I try to talk to her but it is better to talk to the wall

3 Comments

If you'll provide more information, you'll be more likely to get a response.

Is your sister a nurse or not?

Is your mother's hip broken or not? This is not a "maybe" condition. If her hip is broken, she should be in a hospital.

Who is your mother's caregiver? You or your sister?

Do you live with your mother?

You say your sister "lets her walk" even though her knees hurt. Do you think your mom should not walk at all? This would not be good, I don't think.

Has your mother said she doesn't like the way she is treated by your sister. If she hasn't said she doesn't like it, then why are you making that judgment?

No one can advise you based on the little information that you provided.
I have to agree with gil2001, your information is rather limiting for others to be able to provide you with solid possibilities or choices. I have chosen to post because I think that you are not in the home 24 hours a day providing care. If this is the case then please inform us of that. It is very difficult for other family members to understand the enormity of caring for a loved one full time. There is a huge amount of care that others do not see. Others also do not understand that caregivers must take charge of a person who is unable to care for themselves, yet that person resents having to have the help. There is a constant edge of battle with many control issues. Often the caregiver is judged harshly for doing what must be done in order to provide good care. If your mother had a broken hip, she would not be able to walk at all. The pain alone would keep her in her chair. Old people often have sounds come from joints during movement. It is better for them to move than to not move, as it keeps the joints able to continue to move.

Sisters often have difficulties talking. If you are approaching your sis with the same tones that you have posted here, perhaps she feels that you are attempting to find fault. A different approach might help to gain communication. It might not help at all, if you two have never had good communications previously.

You, of course, have every right to be concerned and informed about your mother. I wish you luck and hope that you and your sis are able to bridge a path to each other. In doing so, care giving can become so much easier for everyone involved. Caring for an elderly loved one is a very difficult challenge that requires constant emotional support for everyone involved. It is not easy. Good luck to you as you begin this path.
ELENOR:

After reading your post, my first thought was "Hope your sister doesn't have any kids to take care of right now." But that wasn't very objective of me, particularly when I'm a clinician who knows that in caregiving things aren't always what they seem.

If my hip were broken, I'd be screaming and unable to put one foot in front of the other.

If I had arthritis on one or both knees -- which I do after years of playing tennis on cement courts --, I'd try to limit my movement to keep them from getting "worse." ... But I know that I have to move to keep the knees "oiled."

My fitness coach is more like a Marine Corps drill instructor, which I resented at first. Now I look forward to his brand of discipline when I see the results: a lean body and plenty of speed at the tender age of 51.

They say what you break after the age of 30 stays broken, but that's not the case with me. It just takes longer to heal. And if it doesn't, you have to learn to live with it and keep moving. Your sister/nurse's approach might not elicit much motivation from the frail and elderly, especially if she has a bumper sticker that reads "Move it or lose it." But I think she's trying to rehabilitate her and get her to ambulate on her own.

Don't be so quick to label your sister, as I'm sure she's not Mrs. Meanie. Instead, find the answers to AJL2001's questions. ... You won't be at peace until you do.

-- ED







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