APS came by my house with accusations made by an anonymous caller.


I just found this group and am looking forward to the input from others on various subjects and issues I am having.

I care for my 86 year old mother who has Stage five Dementia. She is confined to a hospital bed, on oxygen, blind and no longer has control of her extremities or can speak.

She was placed on Hospice Care the first of the year by her doctor. Her doctor sees her at least once a month and she has a nurse that sees her three times a week in the morning and a hygienist that comes three times a week in the afternoon to groom and bath her. I provide all the other necessities including making specialized dietary meals, feeding her, diaper changes etc..

I live on a cul-de-sac with only four homes and two that face into it. I know most of the neighbors as I grew up in this house, and many of them still live in the area. I am 55 and my mom is 86.

My problem. Across the street from me is Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz. A husband and wife that have lived her thirty years. They have no life other than the husband maintains a meticulous will landscaped yard. He is so anal about it he mows it on avg. three times a week and transplants new flowers every couple of weeks. The Kravitz have been a pain in the you know what since they first moved into the community. Calling code enforcement on everyone if they felt the person was meeting there expectations of maintaining the neighborhood. I could write a book on just the stuff my parents told took place over the years. The neighborhood refers to them as the Governors of the block.

They personally do not like the way our family home looks because it has no flowers in the front yard, so when they look out there windows they see grass, Oriental Box Wood hedges, a vegetable garden in one section and an off white exterior paint job, something I know they hate because they have comments to not just me but many of our neighbors. Just to show you how extreme they are, I caught the Husband trying to mow my parkway about eight weeks ago because he felt my grass was too tall. When I confronted him to stop he stood in the street and yelled at me that I was being spiteful to him and his wife. I think you get the point.

So about five weeks ago I see someone taking pictures of there yard and code violations they had on there own property. Id did not know who it was but my best guess it was someone in the area that just reached the breaking point on dealing with these two. A week later I see the City Code Enforcement office and the City manager taking pictures of the property, a trailer they had on the driveway, construction equipment etc... I had a good chuckle, but also knew that they would blame me, which is exactly what they did. I had to call LEO into the picture. (another close neighbor had to file a restraining order on these two a few years back) knowing that the situation would go south if I allowed them to confront me.

So last week I get a visit from APS. The anonymous complaint. Over medicating, abuse, and abandonment. When the lady at APS told me who she was I said, "I have been expecting you." she was stunned by the comment, so I proceeded to tell her the issue with the neighbor, and I went into great detail. She asked if she could see my mom and I allowed her in. As were discussing the medications I look at her and say, "You understand she is under Hospice Care", the surprised reaction from her was "What"? So I told her about the medical care she was receiving and told her that if there was an issue with her care anyone of the care providers would have had to report me. She realized that the call was a bogus call and apologized for the inconvenience. As she was leaving she tells me the majority of the calls they get are like this. When I asked her how they proceed with people that use the system to harass she others she said the state law ties there hands and there is nothing they can do.

So I continue to go about my routine and a few days after that visit, every time I walked down my driveway the Kravitz would click there car alarm on the driveway. I actually started videoing it. If I left to go to the store for food or meds they would click the alarm. Then it dawns on me they have a security camera hidden someplace trained on my house 24/7. That was verified when another neighbor told me earlier this week he heard they had just installed one.

Frustrated I call APS and talked to a supervisor. He tells me the same thing there is nothing they can do. Then I ask him about what constitutes abandonment. He tells me the rule of thumb they use is that if you leave the house and house in not in your view of sight that's abandonment. I ask him, if my neighbor presents a time stamped recording of my home where I am gone a couple times a week for fifteen or twenty minutes what would happen. He says we would prosecute you for abandonment.

So what's your thoughts on this?

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I have to say I would not take this lying down at all. Don't you have harassment laws in the US? I would be tempted to take an umbrella and have a screen built in front of the house then put the umbrella up when I leave the house - let them prove without doubt it was you then - or wear a balaclava. Are you allowed to put a mirror up that would reflect back. Or possibly send a note to all the neighbours (lets not be caught singling one out) saying how upset you are that anyone might think you are neglecting your mother. Identify that as great neighbours you would welcome them to come and sit with your Mum while you do errands essential to maintain her wellbeing and know that since some have a very concerned interest in her welfare that they would be willing to have input.

Geez, life gets wild enough without busybody, bored, crazy neighbors! That said, I think Hospice might be able to help you with finding volunteers who can come stay with your mother so you can get out for an hour or so to run errands. Or perhaps when the aid is in you can leave for that time. I was taking care of relatives a while ago who were home under hospice care. I suppose it varies from place to place but these people were wonderful, helpful and very understanding. Also where I am living now there are caregiver classes (an hour a week), to help caregivers learn to decompress and take care of themselves as well. It sure helped me to be around others in a similar situation. Hospice might know more about such a program in your area.

In response to PhoenixDaughter: Regarding Video taping, cameras etc.... The Supreme court has already ruled on this issue many times. The Rule of thumb is this, there is no perceived privacy in the public eye. So if it can be seen by a human eye in a public area it is legal to record it. Them monitoring my house, the excuse they will use, "Were monitoring our front entry way, unfortunately for him our camera seems him coming and going 24/7.

I wouldn't let him mow my entire lawn. He would probably slip and fall and then sue you for making him mow your lawn.

Whether you are a christian or not, this excerpt from anonymous may help:
Keep about your work that God has given you
Do not flinch because the lion roars,
Do not stop to stone the devil's dogs,
Do not fool away your time chasing the devil's rabbits.
Let liars lie,
Let corporations resolve,
Let the devil do his worst,
But see to it that nothing hinders you from fulfilling
the work that God has given you.

He has not commanded you to get rich.
He has never bidden you to defend your character.
He has not set you at work to contradict falsehood about yourself
which satan and his servants may start to peddle.
If you do those things you will do nothing else,
You will be at work for yourself and not for the Lord.

Keep at your work
Let your aim be as steady as a star.
You may be assaulted, wronged, insulted, slandered, wounded and rejected.
You may be abused by foes, forsaken by friends, and despised and rejected of men.
But see to it with steadfast determination, with unfaltering zeal,
that you pursue the great purpose of your life and object of your being
until at last you can say,
"I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."

Bigwaverider - sounds like you've got it all covered - and fact of the matter is, something could happen to your mom while you're in the same room. But here's the thing and I'm gonna use an example from my same a-hole neighbors. When they called the police over me removing the tree ribbons, the police told them I was well with my rights and the law to do so. That if they sent their tree guy back and he got up in my tree again I could press trespassing charges. That if they trimmed one inch on my side of the property line I could press vandalism charges etc. This mightily pissed my neighbor off - that it didn't go his way, so he stepped up his game. One of the last things I did to my yard was put in a white picket fence. I stressed to the fence guy that everything had to be perfectly to code or the neighbor would make trouble. We put in a four foot fence. Sure enough the neighbor called the city code people and it turns out you could only put in 3 1/2 foot fences without a permit - even though there were non-permitted four feet fences all over our neighborhood AND the fence people - a large, well known company - had never come across this code before, it was so rarely enforced. I was told I had to tear down the fence. In the long run we were able to keep the fence, got a permit and after fees and other minor adjustments it all worked out. Moral of my story? If your neighbors are looking to mess you up and you give them the slightest reason - no matter how small or how petty - they are going to jump all over it.

Bigwaverider, So sorry for the ilness of your mother, and all that you are going through.
You are going through so much, I sincerely hope you can be brave and not engage in this neighbor's war, because this kind of hate can kill your spirit-it is ongoing, there will be no relief from it.

True story-my brother's wife, (my Sil) tried to redirect the neighbor's spy camera away from their home by using a broom, the camera broke, the evil neighbors sued and my brother and Sil had to move, after great expense with lawyers.
The best revenge is living well, and today they still do!

Omg Stacey! That outfit with the black leggings and pink top, walking a darling little doggy sounds so cute!!!

My point?
If you all cannot figure it out, I will come back later and explain it to you.

You will have to excuse me now, cause I have to get dressed up to answer the door because one of my neighbors has called the police, again.
Wondering how I ever made it to over 65 as an honest, caring citizen, obeying the rules.....

Anyone ever heard of HOA Syndrome?

On a more serious note are they actually allowed to focus their cameras on YOUR house? We have laws preventing invasion of privacy and given you have a vulnerable adult I would want to know WHY they had a camera pointing on your house

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