A year ago my mom passed away from cancer. I'm still grieving

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A year ago my mom passed away from cancer. It's getting close to the anniversary (December) and I'm still grieving. I cry every day and I feel so very depressed and guilty that I could not have helped her more. I stopped seeing the psychiatrist a few months ago - should I go back? What can I do to stop this horrible feeling?

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Tina,

First off i would like to say i am so sorry for your loss and that time does heal . if people say oh get over it she is dead dont you worry because its okay to grieve for logn periods of time . dont worry about feeling bad you will me okay . i know my grandgather is dying of cancer now ,, he is loosing his motor functions and his head and i cry daily sometimes more thain that . i know that he is going to a better place and everything god does is for a reason. i dont know if you are religious but if you are than god will always be there for you and everything takes time to heal . youll be ok and i wish you welll . best of luck in your predicament and have a wonderful day

- Nicole
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I lost my mother when I was 15 yrs old. It was harder to get over her death more than it was my dad's when he died 10 years later. I think it may have been because I was so young. If I think about them too much the pain comes back. I don't go to the grave like I use to. I feel like they are not there but with our Father in heaven. Maybe you shouldn't go so often. Instead I put them on findagrave.com - You can add pictures in there. I wrote poems for them too. This way you can go to the web sight and leave a note and pictues of flowers. You can join and put your loved ones in there. I find that was much better. Also you can plant a tree, flowers or bushes in your yard for them. I think you will find this is a much faster way of healing. God bless you!
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darling my mom passed 7 yrs ago and i still grieve they say it gets better and i dnt see how i cry allthe time when i am by my self.. i go to the cememntary alot i used to go 3 times a week but now i go every sat now my dad it with her and it hurts so much you thin you oarents will be here forever i lost my mom through a car wreck with my dad he lived though so god kept one here with us but i still grieved for her all the time
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Tina,
I will pray for you,
.
as said before ,keep your mind busy,only allow short periods
to think of your mom,,take walks.Join in fun activities.
remember,we will all be together someday with our love ones.

Judy
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Tina,
I completely understand the pain you are experiencing, I lost my Dad October 4, 2005. The anniversary will be here very shortly and it still brings sadness. There is no specific grieving time frame that is to be followed, if you feel you need to cry, then cry. If in a year from now, you need to cry, CRY. It is part of the (healing?) process, I call it more of a coping process. You never HEAL from the loss of a loved one, but during the temporary separation period that is called "death" you do learn to remember them with more of a smile on your face than the need to feel sadness and regret. We ALL go through this, the loss of loved ones seems to much to bear. But we DO get through it and we DO find a sense of contentment. You do not need to go to a psychiatrist, talk with close friends or family members about it. Allow yourself to grieve and however long it takes, it WILL get easier. Just keep in mind people here on this website do truly care and are here to encourage you.
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Tina,I know exactly how your feeling.I lost my mom a year ago due to cancer..I still have gulit that I couldnt help.I live in North Dakota and she lived in Texas..I flew home to spend the last few weeks with her but it still wasnt enough..I cry and have so much anger with everyone around me..even my husband..No one will ever understand that I lost my best friend.My mom was only 62 when she passed away..I know I need help but also scared to let my feelings out..I support you Tina..
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grandnana,
Without fear of having people think I am a little over the edge my grandmother came to me several months after she passed, in a dream. I was twenty three and refused to sit at her bedside as she passed. My step grandfather would make her cry when I would come and I could not bear it. Grandmother was very arthritic, her hands were twister and her knees would swell so much that the knee cap would move out of place. She went into heart failure, maybe from all the medications. I felt so guilty for so long, I, up until she got sick had been with her everyday, she even lived with us for a while. My mother was one of 13 children and the only one who would take care of my grandmother which put her own family life on hold. We never went anywhere or did anything as mom took care of an elderly lady and grandma. A lot of the housework and taking care of my sisters fell to me. I let the guilt of not being with grandma when she died eat me up. Then one night she came to me, she was young and not arthritic and happy and told me that she had not wanted to go but she was really happy and didn't hurt anymore and that she would not come back even if she could. That she loved me and wanted me to stop feeling guilty. I have never felt those guilt feelings since. She is in a better place. I don't know for sure if she came to me or if my own conscious kicked in. God bless all those on this site.
jasonsmom
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13 years i reported my dad missing. They found him dead, i went through the guilty why didn't i, i should have done more stage. I went to grieve counseling and relized that there is a difference between times that we grieve for accidents and illness. My life was changing for the worse. My dad visited me believe it or not and he told me llife has to go on. Nothing will change why one dies for whatever reason. But what we can change is the rest of our lives that we will spent on earth. I still miss dad everyday but the grieve is getting easier by allowing it a time limit, and the rest of the grieving time is to remember and living everyday like our loved ones would want! God Bless You
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Don't feel guilty. Your mom loved you and wouldn't want you to feel like that. I am a mom and I wouldn't want my kids to feel guitly about anything they did or didn't do.

My mom died when I was 15 years old. I felt guilty because I had to help her before I went to school. I never saw her again she died that day. That stayed with me for a long time. But I know she forgave and I ask God to forgive me too. So let your heart heal and know that one day you will see her again.
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...death is not a failure, everyone dies, it's part of the process of life.
When someone we love dies, the mourning process takes at least one year, so we need to give ourselves that space.
It's difficult to go through all the holidays and seasons, so be very gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve, and there are no rules, so don't make any for yourself.
Let yourself cry. You want to give your feelings an outlet. You can't pretend it doesn't hurt. Nature has given us feelings to get us through certain experiences and to deny them causes more pain... You have to take care of yourself the best you can, and I know it's not easy, so if psychiatrist did help you, maybe you can go and see him again
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