It's 5:00 on Friday...(my time zone anyway).

Lessee ... it's 4 hours after my 4-day shift, so I guess it's like 9 on Friday, right?

Meh .. it's 4am and I'm awake, so what the heck. 5 o'clock somewhere?

This is a hoot of a thread. Thanks!!

Only funny I can think of is a true one ...

I used to be Customer Service for a computer company decades ago (yeah .. seriously .. this 'home' computer retailed for about 10K, then the PC came along and put it outta business). Anyway .. we'd get calls about all kinds of problems and issues, but the capper was from a caller where I had to put them on hold for a minute while I laughed my a$$ off. To get the funny part: the computer was issued with a specialized keyboard. No Function keys. No F1, F2, F3, etc .. every key had a name: Save, Print, Retrieve, etc. Pretty nifty actually. Also had a STOP key. Worked, too.

So, back to the caller. He's new to the computer thing. And apparently common sense. Had just finished reading some of the instructions that said, "To make the screen 'wake up' just press any key," but was thoroughly confused, so he called in, asking, "Where's the ANY key?"

christina angel !found u there ! llalaa . yip its 5 oclock somewhere ! had too much margaritta yesterday woops !
notice some of ya live in indiana . hey me too ...
captain - i feel like i know you ! the way you talk and all . u and i will get along just fine .. my bro in law he takes care of his mom . my mil . dealin with alz ,
bobbie - we now have two captains here lalaaa .. hear you guys roar and cusss up a storm . pirate where is she ? missin my pirate , christina can sing on the boat ! love you all !!!
im ok but then im not ok ,, baahahaha xoxoxo

warning, sexist joke.
a lady went to visit her doc one day and she told him that her husbands anger was beginning to scare her. it was an every evening occurance. doc told her when the husband started getting bent to take a sip of water in her mouth and qietly swish it to and fro for however long it took hubby to calm down. 6 weeks later the lady tells the doc that the technique worked like a miracle and she asked for an explaination. well, sez doc. when your swishing the water around in your mouth your mouth is effectively closed. * snirk *

just bake the pork till the juice runs clear christina or it will begin to get tough.
also i only have the jar of nickles and metric bolts but may i ask how much you charge NOT to sing?

Enjoy! The food and singing.Email cptn for the gross joke;)

Gross! What if I said yum? Here's a yum:
Slow roasting pork shoulder for carnitas mañana. Yes, it's hotter than blazes, but I'm doing it anyway. Goes with margaritas and pico de gallo. That will cool you off.
Off to sing tonight. See you guys later. Hi LindaHeart!! love you! xoxo

Just heard a BOOM! Ran to top of stairs where I can see Mom in her bed! She was not in it! Ran down stairs 2 at a time. She was on her potty.
Damn Fireworks! It's gonna be a long week!

Gross! What if I said yum? Here's a yum:
Slow roasting pork shoulder for carnitas mañana. Yes, it's hotter than blazes, but I'm doing it anyway. Goes with margaritas and pico de gallo. That will cool you off.
Off to sing tonight. See you guys later. Hi LindaHeart!! I love you! xoxo

Yes sir....if we aren't laughing we would cry. Or drink. Or smoke. Or shoot up.......Thank goodness for all the fun and funny people here!

ok. a dnr man was putting around a fla coastline really early one morning and spots a man in a rowboat. considering the unusual hour the dnr man decides to pull up and see what the man is up to. the bottom of the fellows rowboat is filled with live sea turtles of varying sizes. godd**n man, says the game warden. dont you realize that these turtles are a federally protected species? dude, your in a lot of trouble. well they chat a while and the dnr man decides that the man is just a dumbass unaware of the laws and since the turtles are unharmed he told the man to toss them back, promise to never hunt them again and hed give him a break. meh? fair enough says the man and he began releasing the captive turtles. as the dnr man pulls away he yells back and asked the guy what hed been doing with the turtles to begin with. " oh i eat em " exclaimed the man. no s**t sez the dnr man. " whatta they taste like" ? oh, i dont know sez the guy. kind of a cross between a bald eagle and a wooping crane i s'pose. LO effin L..

arent you richer for having been introduced to that joke boni? humor is all we have hon. play it for all its worth.

Gross....but funny as hell! Opps HECK!

hahaha boni..

still hasnt been one of you brave enough to write to my email for my favorite joke. it isnt vulgar, well maybe it is but sumbich its killer funny..

Have to add this one I just heard...not quite a joke but so appropriate for this heatwave we are having...not as bad a some but mid nineties is enuf for me.

We don't skinny dip, We chunky dunk !!!! Hehehehee

Kim n Kanye have inspired my neighbor Jeff Bell to name his new son Taco!

ok the only one I can think of may not translate well....
What did pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

Deadant......deadant...deadant.deadant.deadant!

Q: how do you get a sweet 80 yr. old lady to say the F word?
A: get another sweet 80 yr. old lady to yell BINGO!

For sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

OMG, I soo need this tonight! Hi guys!!...Mishka welcome aboard!
Loved the chicken joke cap'n!
orange blossoms - LOL!! I think I peed a little...

Feel like I'm running behind, trying to catch up....sitting here sipping on ice water....oops, I mean ice...poop? Ahhhggh! I failed to prepare! All out of wine and forgot to put a couple of beers in to chill. Got no Cheetos either, but I did find a partial bag of Doritos....? Now all I have to do is find where I put my....my....what was I looking for?

Mishka, I'm teasing you. But I'm not teasing the cap'n. Yikes. I was never the string type. Even in my 20s. Modest. I've been told it's much more appealing. I'll stay with it, since now I would need heavy ropes. Probably. HaHa!!

It's "because he can" But THAT works too! Thanks for the giggles everyone!

Haha-orangeblossom- good answer!

yes christina, id like to see you in a string. i have scissors.

Because nobody else will?
(the dog and his balls)

@Christina-If I ever said I was the best caregiver I must have fallen off the wagon before today!! :P

Love the jokes guys! I am sooo bad at telling jokes. And don't really know any. All I have a true wacky stories. Like the time my roommate in college( years ago) came into our dorm one day and asked if I wanted to go away for the weekend to a cabin in West Virginia with a guy friend of hers and some of his buddies. Now being a "hippie" back then and quite carefree I said "sure!". Well, when we got to their delaptited truck we saw that we were the only girls with about six guys and lots of guns and a keg of beer. We were crossing state lines and we were all nervous as we were under age and at least one of the guns was illegal. So I turned to my roommate's friend and said " OK-here is the deal-if we get pulled over I am punching myself in the face and ripping my clothes and telling the police you kidnapped me" he shrugged and said " what the heck, it won't make that big of a difference anyways". TRUE! Funniest part--I ended up marrying one of those guys!

Cap'n I developed a board game in 1977 inspired by tai stick. I called in Influential Perception. I couldn't remember how to play it when I was not under the influence, however, so it went nowhere. My GF and I picked up a hitchhiker in her VW when we went to get munchies and he was the son of a very famous pastor in our area. No, not that one. He didn't understand the rules of the game, but he ate our snacks. Now he is a pastor in another church. Cheetos Rule!

35 yrs later im not sure im right yet. the turkish people take some things seriously their hashish is one of them.

Reading seven days ago from today (I'm behind, I was occupied ) twopupsmom post. I hear ya, yep, we get what we get here. Hysterical.
Let's just have fun! Even if someone tries to pee on us! Laugh! WhooHoo!

na na na na na na, trip green.. lol turkish best.. yea youve smoked tai stick. its childsplay compared to turkish trip green..

aint a captain alive who wouldnt want to delegate responsibility to a qualified assistant. captain, phoo. i was a private e-1 for over two years . not soldier material is what im sayin.. i was an e-1 cause i got busted with a hash pipe. i made my decision and i stick with it..