The 40/80 Syndrome.

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Does anyone know of a great chat room where like-minded 40/80-syndromes can chat about their experiences, frustrations, challenges, etc? I'm new to this site and notice it's not exactly what I'm looking for. I'm a 37 single/no children career-minded woman who moved back in with the folks due to the economy and their need for assistance. I've found just how much time it takes away from independence.


I do not know any thing about the 40/80 thing but I think you will get a lot from this site my sisuation is different from most of the others on this site because I take care of the husband not parents but I found the others are so caring and warm and if needed give a kick in the but at times and at times do not get how we feel but like good friends we get things striaghened out and we do not feel so isolated which happens so often when we have to stay home and be available 24/7
Hello 195Austin. Thank for the comments lately. -- leasejordan I do not know what the 40/80 syndrome is either. However, I am 45, married with a couple kids and am taking care of my 75 year old mother with alzheimers and frontal/temporal dementia.

Taking care of a parent or loved one who can no longer live by themselves can be a frustrating job. However, we do it out of love because even if they don't remember we do. My father passed away 12/31/2002. It didn't take us long to figure out that there was something wrong with my mom. At first I didn't want to admit or even say the word alzheimers. However, it was soon confirmed that my mother was in the beginning stages of alzheimers. I'll never forget my mother collapsing in my arms and crying not that anything but that. I told her "mom it's going to be a long road, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm here and we'll just take one step at a time together". 2 1/2 years ago, my mother took a 5 hr walk, she could no longer live alone. So, my husband, 2 kids and myself moved in with my mom. We sold our house, gave away our furniture and moved in. We are in the process of buying my mom's house. I have sibblings, but it made sense for me to move in. My mother is now in the final stages of alzheimers. We've seen and been through a lot. Some days are very hard and difficult to deal with, especially if you're not having such a great day. However, my husband and I would not change the decision we made. We would do it all over again. It's a full time job. Taking care of my mom is more difficult than caring for my 8 yr old and 5 yr old. But, she's in her home of 42 years and for the most part knows who I am. It's worth it. For now, it's worth it.

I can't get a regular 9 to 5 job, because I have to care for my mom, so I clean a couple of days a week for an elderly couple. My mother attends an adult day care that has been a breath of life to our family. It gives us all a break. Anyway, if you need to vent or talk . . . we're here. You'll find support here.
Joal- it sounds like you made some hard decesions and moved forward by working so you can get Mon into day care- I was going to get the husband into day care but he would not be able to get on the bus and instead pay an aide to care for him 5hrs twice a week it is expensive but for now he is still at home where he is happier for him.
I would like to add my request for live chat to be added to this site. I am a 56 year old woman who quit my job and gave up my apartment of 23 yeaes to move in with my mother to take care of her full time by myself. Sometimes you feel like you are cut off from the rest of the world and it would be helpful to be able to "talk" to others in my position when things get really frustrating. My biggest problem is learning how to get out of the "worry" mode on those mornings when I get up and wonder if today will be the day something terrible happens. Once my mind goes there, it is so hard to climb out of that dark hole. Seems like the rest of the world is out there living life and sometimes it feels pretty lonely. Sorry, sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself. The truth is, I am doing exactly what I should be doing with my life at this time and, all things considered, it's a pretty compelling purpose-driven life.
Sometimes we do feel sorry for ourselves there is nothing wrong with that our lives are hard and we do not have control-esp, when I go to the senior center and I am the only one who has a caregiver role and sometimes I am jealous that I can not go on trips like the others and many tell me I am lucky to have a husband still alive. Our JOB is hard and we don't get to go home or have a lunch break.
Hey Leasejordan,

There are plenty of 40/80 participants on this site. Many people just read posts & respond only when something resonates with them or they are feeling the need to vent.

I am a single woman who chose to also care for her mom. That seems to be the norm in caregiving. One thing though - what holds us all together on this site is common purpose & caring. Once you become a caregiver for a parent or loved one you have stepped through the Looking Glass and nothing will ever be the same again. You will also find that this site will help you feel sane when the inevidable coflict arises between career and caregiving. Nothing says empathy like having co-workers not understand or care that your burden is twice as heavy as if you had a child.

so welcome - all of the ladies who responded & didn't know what 40/80 is probably just don't know the acronym but do know the drill....child in 40's parent in 80's - -
It's just that once you become a caregiver it doesn't matter what demographic group you belong to - it matters to have others with similar experiences share help and support you.

take care
CAT-as usuall right on.
wow, she 83 i.m 42 close enough, we are all in the same boat here. Good luck to us all.I wonder about the live chat also, that would be nice.sometimes i still feel alone even when posting, it does feel better .
I am almost 34 taking care of my husband with a list of medical problems about a yard long and raising 2 small children 7 n 5 yrs 7 is a girl and 5 is a boy they are about the only things keep me going . I am also trying to start many different things but cannot because I have clinical depression with some PTSD on the side along with a generalized anxiety disorder yet still competent in my own right. I had to stop talking to my sister and I am getting ready to have a familiar face come to where I live. I may actually achieve some of that individual time but as hubby gets worse so does my need to stay home more often increases. I have no one to watch him while I run errands but once my friend comes here then I will have the support I need . I also had to hire a babysitter to bring back some normalcy for the kids. Doing all of this on the bread of prayer.

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