10 days since mums diagnosis and NOTHING from sister.

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Sent her an email over ten days ago and she hasnt responded to anyone. She has never been good to my mum and a bit of a drama queen mum loves you more? Shes a born again christian BUT doesnt even react over her own mums decline?
I am getting palpatations thinking about this and the anger I feel is not nice. How do you move on from this OR worse face her when the time comes?
My bro is bombarding her with emails about dementia WHY? i wouldnt bother.
She was told the situation and hasnt even the decency to respond.
She was never really involved with mum as she was too selfish BUT my mum deserves better than this she helped us ALL out and we owe it to her to be there for her now.
Im in shock as shes selfish but this is just unbelievable im ashamed to even be her sister.
How do you move on and ignore this behaviour? Am I very naive to think that anyone could be this heartless?


Kazzaa, I'm sorry your sister isn't responding. I understand that this is very distressing for you. This IS the place to come vent when you feel like you're losing your mind. I'm about to be a little hard on you, though.

You aren't really surprised at your sister's behavior, are you? You thought this time would be different, because it's so major, but she hasn't been there in the past.

You have a lot of reasons to be angry at her, but really, what difference does her behavior make to you? She is never going to help you, so this is nothing new. Does she ever call her mother? Will your mother miss her if she stops calling? If so, that's your mother's problem, not yours.

I doubt if she is really heartless. We have no proof either way, but I assume she is suffering over the diagnosis, too. If she weren't, why not just make a duty call and pretend to care? Something is stopping her.

If she is just a drama queen, why let her pull your strings? Your brother wants to talk to her. Let him do so, and let her be his problem.

Try to calm yourself down. Can you write her a letter telling her how useless she is, then destroy the letter and do some deep breathing exercises? You love walking, don't you? If you can believe that you don't have to think about her, you can think about her less. You deserve serenity, and you can find little pieces of it, and calm those palpitations!

This'll piss her off. Tell her you're praying for her!!!! Best wishes to you.

No you are not naive. Many of us here have experience awful, horrendous acts of betrayal from family regarding the care and well being of a parent. I know from experience that just take one day at a time and concentrate on you and ignore her. She is ignoring you. Forget about her...you need all your energy now to take care of yourself too you know. I wish you good luck with this...I know sisters mmmmmmm......some are better than others. I Never ever thought my sister would turn on me and my family over inheritance and lies that a 91 year old mother chose to tell just because....just because she really was bored and always enjoyed stirring up trouble. stay strong.
Thanks guys I guess i am not really shocked just so sad for my mum to be disregarded like this. My sister is a very talented artist I remember my mum coming back from a trip with THE BEST PAINT EVER when we were kids my dad said dont encourage her with that "arty farty stuff" my mum indulged her as she could see she was talented my mum deserves the best from us all right now I hate her BUT she will have to live on with the guilt and that wont be nice.
Jinx! I think i will piss her off even more with a text " I forgive you" LOL
Our siblings are who they are. I had one brother come in to visit from TX. He and his wife had dinner with us, then left. On their way home, they stopped by to see my mother for a few minutes, then were gone again. It is what they always do. It disappoints me, but I remind myself that it is who my brother is.

The other brother lives close. Sometimes he calls. Once or twice a year he visits. He is very involved in family, church, and work, so doesn't have time or inclination to spend more time with her. It is who he is and I don't expect more.

I'm here all the time, but you know who her favorite kids are? My brothers. Personally I know I am her only family. One brother will show up when she is in the hospital. The other will show up for her funeral. I don't blame them, because we are not a close family. My mother and father never reached out to them, so it isn't surprising that they are not reaching back.
Why didn't you phone your sister, initially? I would certainly call her now.
kazzaa, I think you need your emotional energy right now to focus on your mother's care, and on your role in her life. The only person whose behavior you can control is the one who looks back at you from the mirror (and even that is iffy some days!)

Try very hard to simply let your sister's behavior go, to let it be her responsibility. Your mother may not deserve that treatment from your sister, but, you know what? Your mother doesn't deserve the disease she has, either. It is very frustrating and heartbreaking to accept that we cannot make life fair for someone we love. We cannot cure their disease. We cannot control the behavior of everyone else in their lives. Focus on what you can do, and let go of what you can't.

Don't waste precious psychic energy on figuring out how to piss off your sister. It is just not worth it in the overall big picture.
I have a sis that does the exact thing yours does. She was the one mom favored because of a passion for anything "the arts", coddled her, spoiled her rotten, turned her into a very selfish, self centered human being. That sis is a professional counselor now, never even calls mom, will not respond to me whether it is mom progression, request for few hours of her time, nothing.

I do not waste my time or energy with her BS and non-caring any longer, it isn't worth it. She is the one missing out and will be the one sobbing at the end, and will blame her cavalier attitude on me. She would rather mom were in a facility.
Kazza~I am sorry your sister does not respond. I also have a brother who is the same. When I told him our mother was diagnosed with dementia, he sent an email back saying..."This doesn't give us much hope for our futures." Dad also had Alzheimer's. Then when I sent him an email telling him mom was diagnosed as mentally incapacitated and we would be placing her in assisted living...he responded, "I don't envy you having to tell her you are placing her." He never asks how she is doing. In 2002, when his only son was killed in a head on collision, he didn't notify us until the day of the funeral....gee, that made it easy so none of us could go!! I detached from my brother and do not notify him any longer. If my sister or brother want to, then that is up to them. I won't do it.Consider your sister an distant relative and practice detaching emotionally from her.

I agree with Jeanne, use your energy to be there for your mother and to take care of yourself. God Bless you!!
Are you 1000% certain she got your e-mail?

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