Do you ever pray for death?

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I pray for my own death every night. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I worry what would happen to my mother though.

I just feel so depressed and ridden with anxiety.

If I was gone then everyone could just take the house and whatever is left of my stuff and thiswould all be over . I guess then my brother and his wife would have to step up to the plate

7 Comments

joethemechanic,

Please see a counselor or some help. What you are feeling is not good and you need to seek help. Seeking help means that you are a strong person and want to take care of yourself. Please, do this for yourself. You are important. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Regards,
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
Wow, your situation sounds like mine. Please don't pray for death because you never know what kind of challenge will be sent to you. It could be far worse than taking care of mom. I asked God to take me because I am doing this all alone and have a very uncertain future. Now, I may have breast cancer and if I have to go through chemo treatments, my scenario with taking care of my mother will be much more difficult than it is now. Take one day at a time, find some sort of relief for yourself and it could be as simple as stepping outside and thanking God for your circumstances even though you may see them as being horrendous. God sees the big picture and he is in control. Read other caregiver's stories and know you are not alone. God bless and remind yourself that there is always someone who is worse off than you or me.
I know something of what you mean, Joe.
I took care of my mother for several years when she was old and infirm. I'm not that young, and now that she's gone, I worry a lot about how my life will be if I don't have the money to take care of myself. At my age, it's so hard to find a job. You get to a certain age and your energy is not what it was, it's difficult to get a good nights sleep, you're always feeling new aches and pains, you wonder what's the point of going on if it's all downhill from here.
I don't have any answers for you Joe. I just think I know firsthand something of what you're feeling and going through.
I don't think praying for death is all that bad Joe. Many of us are battered down by what life does to us and we want a release that's more than temporary when we can't see a good answer to are daily suffering.
All I can suggest is to try and be good to those people you care about.
I hope things turn out well for you, but whatever happens, I wish you well.
Joe, praying for death every night means that you are suffering and that you just want the suffering to end. There are other ways to end the suffering that are not as drastic and permanent as death. It just might take a little longer. The thing about death is that it is really the end. And since we don't know what happens after death, could you be entering a dimension that is even worse than what you're going through now. I don't want to get too far out into the metaphysical/spiritual plain, though, so I'll bring things back down to earth.

People will say things like to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. It is hard to do when you can't even find the straps. A good first step would be to make an appointment with a therapist or a psychiatrist and let them know what you are feeling. They may be able to help you up far enough so that you can find the straps.

As tempting as it is to close the curtains and shut yourself away, try to make yourself get out into the light. Open the curtains and let the light in. When you're up to it, let some people into your life. People and light are the best remedies that I know for depression.

Please let us know how you're doing. Depression and anxiety does not mean you are weak. Often it means that things in your life have thrown your body chemistry out of whack and you need to get it readjusted. Don't give up on life. I think the best thing we can pray for is happiness.

You've got a road to travel to get back. I hope it won't be too long. The only thing that I found good about depression and anxiety (panic attacks here) was how great it felt when I started feeling better. I wish I could enjoy THAT feeling all the time.
I have felt at wit's end before, but just take it one day at a time, even one hour at a time. Pretend you are at a seminar and that it will only last a day or two. Imagine a relaxing place like the tropics and go there for a mental staycation. Imagine that your problems are like a brick wall all around you. Imagine yourself breaking through the brick wall. Write down your various problems and then potential solutions, including ideas that are crazy including "run away and join the circus". Lose your embarrassment at being at wit's end, and tell your friends you are looking for ideas; even if they have nothing to add, you may find you are in a group fighting the nightmare (I suspect they will tell you about their fears and angst). You were right to seek out this online forum, you are already doing things right. Ask for help and keep asking, knowing when it's better you will pay it back (start your list of how you will help others when you're back on top). Things will improve, it will be better (maybe not in a way you are expecting), I'm sending out a line to you right now, you are not alone, all the absolute best to you.
I hope you are feeling better since your post and have been able to try some of the advice here.But it is easier to give advice than to follow it.
Is there a govt run crisis phone line in your community where trained volunteers can talk to you. Sometimes talking to others gives you a differenet perspective on things. And if you don't want to go out of the house right now or see someone in person, this might be a good first step
Everyone is different but what I find works when I get overwhelmed is to try to find one or two positive things in my life to think about rather than the negarive, are you healthy, do you have a roof over your head? And just live for the moment. Don't agonize about the past or even the future. If you haven't made an appt to see someone yet, at least look on line for tips for dealing with negative thinking, which afflicts us all when we become overwhelmed with problems and pick out the ones that you think might help you personally.. Set small goals for each day, like take a walk or ride a bike (assuming you can leave your mother alone for a short period). if you can't ,excercise in your house or yard or tacke one housekeeping job, like clean out a drawer. Exercise really helps and keeping busy and diverting your mind also and will make it easier to sleep.. Also realize that other people are also having problems, not that it should make you feel good that others are having problems but realize that you are not alone. If you can't get negative thoughts out of your mind, try writing them down and put them away in a drawer. I find that when I write something down that is bothering me in my mind I feel better and I stop dwelling on it. Also diet is important. if you are not eating well, you will not feel well. I'm sure others will post other suggestions for you that work for themselves. Try to remember the things you enjoyed doing and start doing them again. Caring for your mother, you are leaning new skills which you may be able to apply in some other way someday or at least try to help others with advice from their personal experiences, as many here do..
Please if you feel suicidal, go to the ER and tell them. Make someone stay with your mom. We here on this board don't want anything to happen to you. Are you on any meds for depression? Please keep posting and reading and get help right away. Please. My dad committed suicide and I know if he had medication he would not have done it. It tore our family apart.

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