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We took all the credit cards away except the one in the Amazon account. Everyday she makes purchases from Amazon (at least $100) of what she thinks she needs and I am sure she feels good doing it. Her caregivers try to cancel the orders when they find them but that does not always work.
This is what I want: pay Amazon monthly for an account where all orders she makes seem real but really are not. This would be fake ordering on Amazon where she gets the thrill of completing an order but doesn't actually spend her money. The kids account on Amazon always sends an email asking for approval by an adult so that wont work.
Whew! Mom’s a nite owl reading and watching tv till 2-3am. Years ago had to secretly block all shopping channels on her tv. She is 5 ft tall and can’t wear a thing she was buying on shopping channels. Finally got thru to her buy NO CLOTHES you can’t try on. This happened day i started ‘unearthing’ clothes after clothes still in plastic bags fr layers of old bills and junk mail creating a heap on bed in room she pays bills from. while i was bent over raking more out from under bed she saw the VOLUME of her problem and said repeatedly ‘ oh i’m so embarased’ . Then came the purse orders she placed using shopping channel’s automated service. First order i found opened contained 3 of same $137 purse in black, one with matching $75 wallet plus same purse in white with matching wallet. Mom! what happened? I don’t know. All i ordered was a white one and the wallet. ~$ 200 order turned into over $600. My call to company was fruitless... Send them all back real quick like but they are doing me a HUGE favor and won’t pick up the return postage. i left them layed out on a couch saying to her id get a box, pack them up and she’d have to pay postage when i had day off to bring to P.O. Weeks later i just stored them for a garage sale saying return was done. Awhile later a pants order came that went same way. Figured out that she wasn’t able to navigate auto order by phone pressing the wrong numbers. Where do i order a printed copy of how shopping channels legally abuse the elder’s finances? Needing a print out she can hold to read, started staying at her sister’s during day and some nights and ‘here we go again!’
I already have full power of attorney for my mom. How do I let her enjoy the internet for Our Daily Bread, her church bulletin, etc without her being able to shop online?
My mother keeps on buying things from a catalogue; and only wears them say once or twice. Then they just hoard her bedroom. She didn't the clothes. Leading up to every Christmas she bombarded by charities; calenders, lotteries, stickers etc. She has too much pity on them and throws her money away. She has a form of dementia
Excellent article with good advice. Would like to see you include how to manage your spouse when he/she spends while you have to cover the actual costs of living. Hard to believe the much repeated purchases of the same items not needed or wanted. Thanks for the advice.
My company has found a solution to this problem. We have worked with families members who are compassionate about this problem. They see an elderly man or woman who wants to have money, but clearly should not have real money, because they loose it, they give it away, or they spend inappropriately, or even worse, they are scammed into loosing it. We have found a solution to restore dignity to the person with dementia. The family members can give the the person realistic prop money. This way, it looks real, but there is no worry that they will loose it, spend it, get scammed, etc. A company provides realistic prop money for patients with dementia. The cost is very low, and it looks realistic to most patients who suffer from dementia. It restores dignity, and it helps a child "honor their father and mother". A family member can provide "money" to the dementia patient that they can have for their wallet or purse. They can fell proud and productive again, and it makes a huge difference in their sense of pride and honor.
oh my goodness, we thought it was just happening to us! It's such a hard issue to handle. We are taught to respect our parents so the emotional turmoil of this problem is upsetting and exhausting. We feel our mother has turned into our new teenager. Trying to sort her dept is a nightmare at this time. I'm almost glad to hear it s happening to others
My Mom's income is good and she feels it's her right to spend, spend, spend. If you've read my posts, you know she's a control freak and IF I took any money from her, my home would then be 'her' home. She once handed me a $100 bill and pointed her long finger at me and said ..."I want EVERY PENNY of this put on the electric bill!!" and I just handed it back to her and said ..."keep it." Her bedroom closet is overflowing with clothes with the tags still on them, she even hangs bags from her wall with thumbtacks -- bags of things she's bought. So my sister and I agreed NOT to take her shopping anymore. She did order merchandise from catalogs but since I am the one who answers the door to FedEx or UPS, she can't hide it so she's stopped that. Shopping is not an age thing with her, she has always shopped this way. If I were guessing, I'd say she has about 200 pairs of shoes with handbags to match. Expensive stuff, not junk. She kept talking about her 'final arrangements' and what all she wanted done so we took her to the local funeral home and had her pick out everything she wanted (except casket, she refused to select that) and her funeral bill came to almost $10,000. So we had her take out a burial policy to pay for it all, which she does. We then took her to the cemetery and had her pay to final expenses there to be buried next to my father. We told her she had to do all this because neither myself or my sister believe in the wasteful costs of fancy funerals and vaults and caskets ... as we prefer cremation. So she was afraid we'd have her cremated unless she made all her final arrangements. Thank goodness that's all done. She spends her money on food of her choice, her crossword puzzle books and other personal items. My son is a bank president of his own branch bank and her account is there - with my sister and I on the account. Son watches out for any unusual activity on her account. My sister is resentful because our Dad owned his own business and made a lot of money - which Mom spent and is still spending. We have no inheritance coming after she's gone. There is a very small life insurance policy but it's not enough to even worry about.
My mom used to spend,spend,and spend. She would buy 2 or 3 of the same shoe, blouse or pants. I don't know if it was the alz's or just her. My dad would come home from a trip "He was a truck driver" and find new furniture .They would have a big fight. Later when we knew it was the Alz's we would try to take control her a little but than she would accuse us of wanting to take everything away from her. It is so sad.
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
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How to Handle a Shopaholic Senior
This is what I want: pay Amazon monthly for an account where all orders she makes seem real but really are not. This would be fake ordering on Amazon where she gets the thrill of completing an order but doesn't actually spend her money. The kids account on Amazon always sends an email asking for approval by an adult so that wont work.
shopping channel’s automated service. First order
i found opened contained 3 of
same $137 purse in black, one with matching $75 wallet
plus same purse in white with
matching wallet. Mom! what happened? I don’t know. All i ordered was a white one and the wallet. ~$ 200 order turned into over $600. My call to company was fruitless... Send them all back real quick like but they are doing me a HUGE favor and won’t pick up the return postage. i left them layed out on a couch saying to her id get a box, pack them up and she’d have to pay postage when i had day off to bring to P.O. Weeks later i just stored them for a garage sale saying return was done. Awhile later a pants order came that went same way. Figured out that she wasn’t able to navigate auto order by phone pressing
the wrong numbers. Where do i order a printed copy of how shopping channels legally abuse the elder’s finances? Needing a print out she can hold to read, started staying at her sister’s during day and some nights and ‘here we go again!’
Leading up to every Christmas she bombarded by charities; calenders, lotteries, stickers etc. She has too much pity on them and throws her money away. She has a form of dementia