Great article! Very important to be proactive.

My mother has always had the personality that in dealing with her is kind of like trying to make cotton candy in a hurricane. In her prime she was a very good business women & did ok for herself financially but I am not so sure that most of her money has not not been blown & potentially leaving her close to running out. Through the years personal family relationships become strained for months to even a year or two at a time with all of her family members due to her personality. My mother assigned her attorney as her executor of her estate many years ago of which our entire family (aunts, sibling, cousins etc...) believe was not wise & furthermore believe the attorney to have questionable ethics. I live out of state but the family her( brother, sister & cousin) have all contacted me today & said I need to come home she is having serious potentially alzheimers related issues & it is getting urgent. If she has not assigned me as her POA what can I do to get her evaluated & depending on needs what will I have to contend with in regards to the attorney being the executor of her estate & potentially even being her POA. Clearly the attorney has no interest in her well being & medical state.

My mother is 81 and she has a POA for health care, POA for finance and Trust document drafted by her attorney to update them from her 1996 documents. Her attorney has now terminated the relationship because he questions her capacity.
We went to a new attorney and if my mother wishes to make any new changes on her documents or receive the ones done by her previous attorney then she needs to undergo a comprehensive capacity test by a neuropsychologist that would cost her $2500 to do so. This would result in either she can maintain her ability to keep managing her finances or turn them over to her three adult children to manage. In a sense she already has. She wants to keep the control to make her own decisions. Is it worth the $2500 to have my mother do this evaluation or is there another way to go about this?

NO...as long as YOU have DPOA, YOU are the one who decides everything for her. Nobody can take that away. You are the only that can GIVE it away if you decide you don't want to be her DPOA. I did that once, but then had to be her DPOA again as the guardian was stealing mom's 60 dollars a month for clothing. It was very easy to do..just go to the Social Security office. They are the ones who find the guardian if the patient has no DPOA. The doctor sounds like a quack and it's a good thing you fired him. If I were you, I'd report him...NO doctor should EVER put his finger in your face!!! Ethics!!! I'd sure report him.

I had to fire my mother's primary care doctor while she was in the hospital. He then threatened me in front of 5 witnesses to file petition to have himself, the fired physician, appointed medical guardian. In front of these witnesses one the nurse on my mother's hospital room, he put his finger in my face and I had to repeatedly tell him to step back from my face. He said I was incompetent because I fired him and left her without medical care in the hospital. This happened on a weekend so I got a hospitalist doctor for the hospital to take over immediately until Monday when I got my mother another doctor. Can this doctor file and be granted guardianship over her? I have medical power of attorney and durable power of attorney and have been appointed by her before she got dementia.

Question: I was given POA and guardianship if unable to care for oneself years ago for both my Mom and Dad. They divorced, my father passed and I took care of his stuff. My mother refuses to see me now, long story. My niece was given power of attorney at the assisted living facility the night she returned from "moving her car" in the parking and was found going the wrong way on a highway, 40 miles from her home. The Assisted Living facility had no POA on record so my mother signed one for my niece. My brother, who has been living off my mom claims to have a POA also. Now that my mother has been deemed incompetent by her drs. who's legally responsible. Both my niece and brother live in homes owned by my mom who is going to rapidly deplete her funds and will need state assistance. So, they have a vested interest in trying to control the situation. Am I legally responsible because I was named in her documents? I'm thinking with all the discord, I would be best suited petitioning for an independent guardian, but if there are 2 other POA;s can I even do that?

I have been taking care of a lady with dementia for about 4 years. I am with her in the morning and stay till about noon. I make her breakfast and give her her pills. The rest of the morning we do what's needed to do. I write out her bills etc. Dr. appoinments, groc shopping for her because she gets upset at the store. She really doesn't want to go out. I feed her dinner and give her pills i am there about 1 1/2 hours. this is 7 days a week. I have gone though this from the very beginning. I am not the durable power of attorney. The person who is has very little to do with this person. My lady is getting worst and I am concerned that I could get in trouble I really need to know what I need to do to protect myself.
J.

I have been caring for both of my elderly parents for 4 years. They will soon be 89. My mother is totally deaf, blind in one eye and almost blind in the other. My dad has COPD, diabetes, stints in all valves available for such, a pacemaker and, BTW, he is a severe alcoholic. I am 56, single, self employed and have just about had it. I NEED HELP. Combined they have a monthly income of approximately $2,000 and $55,000 in CD's. Dad occasionally goes to the grocery store and buys groceries but I pay all the bills (they live in my house). We had a daily "helper" for about 5 months but I had to pay for her

What is one to do when the parent will not give you power of attorney. My mother is clearly incompetent to any one that spends a day or two with her, but when she needs to, or somebody like the nurse or doctor is around, she is the sweetest and most agreeable patient they have ever seen. Nobody will agree that she is incompetent, and they never see the vicious person she is. We are truely afraid for my father, but it doesnt seem that we can even put her in assisted living, because she doesnt want to go. She lives with my sister at this time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

We here at Agingcare don't know of a set standard either. Give your caregiver what you can afford -- that gesture will be appreciated. Also, following up by voicing your gratitude also lets her know that she is valued.

There is no set standard that I know of. And I am sure that any gesture is appreciated. But I have heard that a week's pay is common for many.

What is the usual and customary Christmas bonus to give to a live-in caregiver who has been taking care of my mother with mild Alzheimers for about 3 years? I really want to do the right thing, make sure she feels appreciated, but of course, my mother is on a fixed income. I also have to decide how much to give to the weekend relief caregiver who has also been with us for over 2 years?