Thank you for these tips. For those who are struggling with getting older loved ones to bathe too, I found this article helpful as well: https://oregonadvantagehomecare.com/people-with-dementia-are-often-reluctant-bathers/

I've been showering my mom about weekly for several years. The stall shower is just large enough for her to sit in a bath chair and me to use a hand-held shower head to do all the washing and rinsing. She's usually able to stand briefly, holding on to a bar, while I get her backside.
In addition to warming the bathroom with a heater I toss towels and the first layer of clothing in the dryer before getting her in the shower. I put the lotion bottle in the sink with hot water to warm it up also. Once the shower water is hot I spray the shower chair to warm it up before turning it to warm.
After I get her in and seated I have her feel the water to test the temp. After she's bathed and rinsed I leave her holding the shower head and go grab the dryer stuff and wrap the clothes in her robe. When the water goes off I wrap nice warm towels around her shoulders/torso and over her legs. I dry her off and put lotion on, then have her step out, pull the chair out for her to sit while I get her dressed and do her hair. Whew! Once a week is plenty often for me to do this.

The modesty issue is touched upon but brushing it aside with the hiring of an aide is overly simplistic. Yes getting a female aide to help a female shower is a good solution, but many men don't want to be showered by a female aide, especially a young one, and male aides are not generally available. The lack of male staff for intimate matters is what keeps many men away from receiving the healthcare they need, or at least keeping them away until the problem has amplified into something worse. Most men have been socialized to not speak up in this regard; avoidance being the path of least resistance.

My husband and I are navigating his early age alzheimer's changes. We are 58 and he was diagnosed at 54. We shower together now and he is so relaxed about it. He knows that he must hold the safety bars while i soap him up and rinse off. I had the tub cut to convert it to a walk-in shower. The intimate time is a salve for the frustrations of all the rest of our hours!

Where can I get the book 36 hour care?

I deal with this issue with my husband who has AD. Years ago, he was meticulous about himself. I discovered two things recently: 1. he is confused about the order of operations involved in the task of showering. He couldn't figure out what garments to remove and he fully intended to put the dirty clothes back on. 2. He keeps all his "worldly goods" in his pants pockets. He is terrified that he will lose track of his comb, dog biscuits, doggie bags and money, if he has to change pants. Now that I have a full-time aide, he is not that resistant. I must choose all the clean clothes and set them out in the bathroom. I have him hand me all the dirty clothes before the shower.He can still shower and dress himself. Now I have to figure out how to get him to brush his teeth.

Good article...I'm going to make an assessment visit for my mom. Still thinking about this since my 90 yr old mom insists that she showers once a week. We placed a small piece of paper in-between the shower door and discovered she hasn't showered in a month. And we left the toothpaste on the brush and it hasn't been removed. She is stubborn still insisting she brushes her teeth 2 times a day. Refusing care givers. Refusing to leave her house. ( And still passed her written driver's test!) Soooo. thinking about doing activities together. I bought hand wipes for cleaning her peri area but she doesn't use them. I'll have to buy her some new soap as a gift for her to try out. And yes, maybe a shower at the same time... then go to her hair dresser and finally for lunch ??? Or maybe have a spa day? Go swimming in her pool? Don't know. What does help is telling her I've changed my hats from being a daughter to being a professional RN. Maybe brushing our teeth 15 min after we eat together in the kitchen ? If I can't get her to do this, maybe I can tell her how good it feels and do a lot of smiling and try again later. But if she still doesn't do ADL, then oh well....maybe I can love her no matter. But yes, I do feel responsible when I visit her.

We provide towel off soaps and shampoo's called Nilaqua in the UK and it is used alot by people who have dementia, to resolve bathing issues. I am looking into the causes as I think there needs to be more awareness and found your article really useful!

Thanks . this was a very useful article.

In the book The 36-Hour Day, it recommends breaking dwn the barh step by step. First remove the pants, then the shirt, then step in the tub, wash your face,wash your body, etc. Sometimes various tasks are too complicated for the person. I recommend the book to every one dealing with dementia. Good luck.

i am 56 and cant make myself shower or bathe

Shortly after my husband was diagnosed with dementia I was hospitalized for an emergency. Fearing that I won't get well enough be able to care for him, our family began the search for a nursing home. Later they reported their findings to me. One they liked best based on staff attitudes they ruled out because the home admitted they were short staffed and could only shower or bathe the residents once a week (but family could come in and do it more often). I did recover and in the 8 years I've been caring for him at home I smile at that memory whenever I help him with his weekly shower. (Bathroom accidents are exceptions, of course.) So far he hasn't expired from lack-of-shower syndrome.

We've just installed a walk-in tub. We've had it less than a week and he has taken 2 baths so far. We'll see how that goes. But I bought it mostly for pleasure, not because I was worried about his cleanliness. It can be very relaxing and soothing to take a bath rather than a shower.

Great tips! As I've shared at SandwichINK, I've made good use of the no rinse body bath and shampoo ever since we learned about it from the hospice workers who so wonderfully helped us with my senior dad. My senior mom has used them when she isn't feeling well and I've even put them to work when I broke my ankle and was laid up. They are definitely a big help for all of us boomers and seniors caring for our elderly parents. Thanks for the tips about depression and what to watch for, as well!

My mother was just sent home yesterday after being admitted to the psych ward last week. She is a dementia who started throwing things around so a family member called 911 on her. They admitted her to the pysch ward. Anyway they help to get her some services at an adult care center she started today, Iam hoping everthing goes well.