Before her death three years ago, my mom asked my 86-yr-old step dad's dr to see what could be done about stopping him from driving but we never got a notice to have him tested.
About a month ago, we had a dr appt and she (dr) did a SLUMS test, which he failed spectacularly. She told him she was getting his license put on "hold" until he could pass some tests. The first test (We're in Oregon) was to pass a physical...which he had just failed. IF he passed a new one, he'd have to take a written test, then a driving test.
As we left the office, the dr motioned me into her office (my husband and stepdad were behind me and didn't see me disappear) and told me there's no way he will pass any test.
Then Hubby, trying to be on SD's side, let him have the keys, minus the ignition key. We also had given him a set of keys for his RV with a purposely-badly-made ignition key. He kept asking for his keys, and Hubby would patiently explain how to get his license back. I was more blunt and told him that he had an Alzheimer's diagnosis (I'D want to know! Probably.) and due to his decreased cognitive ability, he didn't realize how badly he was driving. "I've never had an accident!" was followed by an account of a few of his mishaps, including a hit-and-run. He'd backed into a truck that was parked behind him and he just drove off, blaming the driver (who wasn't in the PARKED vehicle). I told him that even former cops are supposed to obey the law. We all have to!
I spoke to a few people who have gone through this, plus a few folks in the home health care company who provide some relief for us and they agreed with me: take the keys (which we did. He now only has a house key and one for his PO box). Remove all indications that he will get to drive again. Put badly and bluntly, I had to remove all hope he will drive, like ripping off a band-aid. As the hard-ass of the family, I just told anyone he asks for keys that he has to talk to me. I tell him, "No, it's not safe. The dr and the DMV get to decide who drives, not us, and I'm not helping you break the law." I also told Hubby that if SD can make a dr appt for the physical, we'll take him.
After nearly a month (I'm his POA), we got the letter from the DMV and I signed as SD's POA that he was surrendering his license, included a copy of the POA, and his license. Under Oregon law, he will get (for free!) an ID card to replace it. He isn't aware that it was sent in, but we'll replace the license with it when it comes in, and he probably won't even notice it's different.
I don't like to lie and am not good at it, but sometimes it needs to be done to preserve peace, dignity, and feelings.

Fighting with elders over the keys is one of the toughest things we face. We just had a case near me where an 82 year old man shot and killed his daughter and injured his wife as they were trying to take his keys. (this suggests another discussion on guns and dementia)

I knew it was hopeless to expect my dad to hand over his keys. I had been tracking his car with a hidden GPS device for a couple years and knew it was time to act.

I had learned to fib to dad about any number of things like getting home nursing for mom etc. In his mind it was 1960, everything was just fine.

So to end the driving here was my method:

There is no need to take out the battery, pull plug wires, fight over the keys etc.

Just pull out the STARTER RELAY. It’s usually in the fuse box under the hood. The underside of the lid will have a fuse and relay directory. The relay simple pulls out like a plug.

It’s small, put in in your pocket or in a hiding place cause as you’ll have to move the car at some point.

If you know who they are call the local car dealers and repair shops and have them be on the lookout for dad. They were very cooperative with me. The repair shop guy though it was a great idea to get dad off the road.

Dad tried to start the car.....Nothing. Not even a click.

I went out looked at it. Told him I think his computer was shot.

Told him I’d call the tow truck.

Moved the car out early the next morning.

It all went well but at my dads dementia level I had to keep repeating the story. As it turns out he went into assisted living a few days later to be with my mom. He drove the staff nuts for a month looking for his car and fighting with them.

I think it’s very important to get the car away. Out of sight out of mind.

If taking the keys away do not work, dislodge or disconnect the battery. Tell him you'll get the car fixed or that it doesn't work any longer. This is a very difficult situation in many ways (a client of mine reported her son to the Police for taking her keys away . . . she called AAA to come unlock the car.)
My current client doesn't have a license and has dementia and still drives on occasion. She has the cognitive functioning to know (some times) when not to attempt to drive, but this entire situation is a risk - to her and everyone's life when she is behind the wheel.
I highly recommend you google TEEPA SNOW and look under this category for her webinar. During all this transition, be compassionate, supportive, kind, agree and/or do not set up argumentative dialogue. Focus on how your father-in-law FEELS. It is a huge loss to an elder. Likely one of the top two. And, as Teepa says, many people with dementia 'are driving.' [And, these numbers will go up.] Very frightening to all of us.

In our state (WI) the physician cannot "suspend" a driver's license; only the DMV can.

Father in law, 89, had repeated incidents while driving. His MD would not "get involved" with the driving issue, after we kids appealed to the MD to do so. Elder finally drove through the front door of the local Chinese restaurant (he could have ordered delivery!)

Local police called, they had him at the station so spouse had to pick him up (several hours of driving involved.) Police reported this incident to the DMV, which suspended the license and ordered him to go through road testing to see if he was capable. He failed the road test 3 times, so lost his license and we sold the car for him.

The dumb thing is that father in law was wealthy, lived in a highly dense urban area with many alternate transportation options: friends and family who could drive, taxis, Uber/Lyft, city bus. Also near shopping and restaurants which could deliver groceries, supplies and take out. He could have hired a full time chauffeur! Too bad people won't adapt a little.

Contrast this to his son and daughter in law: we both have valid licenses and no driving incidents/tickets/accidents. But we choose to hire car service for a lot of events and outings. Thinking about later, we will probably use car service for all outings, and have supplies/groceries delivered. Driving nowadays is not fun: too many distracted drivers.

Dad was good about it. As in, we didn't even have to take his DL. He actually preferred being driven to & from. I really made sure that he knew as his live in caregiver that it was his car, noody was taking things away from him. That I was there to be his back up, but really was the primary.

Towards the end, he didn't want to go out much anyway. But we both went grocery shopping, to doctor's visits. We were a team. The other's in the family were after taking his things away, but I knew the minute that happened he would still try to drive his car. He liked hanging out with me, his Wal-Mart shopping days, dog grooming/vet day & holiday get togethers with family were his social days. Dad/We were fortunate I could live in for him though. Society made sure my career stalled out so all of this caregiver thing was a convenient steering to duty. Career also never restarted with anything of substance beyond a single temp assignment for another's maternity leave over the Thanksgiving & Christmas holidays. Funny, the healthcare system in the USA is that cheap to actually pay labor, yet the premiums aren't. The company we paid home health for the last 5 days of hospice, they charged $ 500/day. That's $ 3,500/week for 7 days, $ 182K/year if it went that long. Try getting that level of compensation from any employer ? And I've worked for a lot of healthcare insurance companies, they never paid anything near that. And to be candid, they did significantly less than I did and no better. I did everything they did for at least 2 years and take care of the house and pet/dog. So if anyone low balls being a caregiver, set them straight on what they'd have to pay someone that would only care if you paid them $ 500/day to provide that level of service in a home you provide rather than a facility that would cost even more. We all serve a purpose in this life.

We were lucky in that my Alzheimer's-ridden(older) mom's (older) car stopped working. Prior to that, I contacted her doctor (I had Durable Power of Attorney), and she and I both tried to convince my mom to stop driving. I could (and did) take her anywhere she wanted to go, but my mom was very resistant to give up her keys. Before she got symptoms of Alzheimer's, I told her that I didn't want to have to beg and plead with her to give up her keys if that ever became necessary, (as we had both heard of that happening with other people), and she said that she valued her life, and the lives of others on the road, to ever take that chance, but that sense of reason and responsibility went out the window when Alzheimer's struck. I even wrote a book about our travails taking care of her, entitled, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." The chapter dealing with driving is entitled, "Car Ma," ( a play on words of karma, obviously). I'm sorry this didn't give any advice; it was just sharing our story.

I do believe so called "meds" cause mental impairment rather than old age. I am taking no meds and hoping for the best. My heart aches for all those old people who are no longer loved, trusted, nor respected. How I pray i will never be one of them.

O, how I do hope and pray I will know when to stop driving; that i will never need somebody to "take my keys away".I am 86, healthy, strong, med free, and pain free. I no longer drive out of my neighborhood nor on or near expressways.i drive to church, HEB, doctor, and dentist, nearby restaraunts; everything within 6 miles or less.My young friends take me to Bible study and out to eat every wednesday.i am planning to drive at least 2 more years; at most until my liscense expires in 4 more years.I am going to rely on a Christian group called meals On wheels and delivery from HEB when I no longer feel safe driving. I will take a cab to the doctor and or dentist. i dread ever needing a caregiver. However, i do have long term care insurance. May God have mercy!

My grandmother bought a used car at 91 yes you are not seeing things 91 after her 85 Buick didn't pass inspection due to emissions so now it sits in the driveway till the battery goes dead over the winter now that she is coming outta rehab soon it needs to be sold she even updates her registration insurance and license

Dad’s license in NY was suspended by his Dr. But he continued to drive- saying “I don’t care what the doctor says,” we called DMV with him to prove that the license was suspended because he thought that since it wasn’t expired, it was still good. We arranged transportation and caregivers for him at his home, which he refused. We suggested senior centers, moving closer to family, having an Uber daily to get him out to do his “errands” and all “NO!” I live out of state and my bro and I alerted his local police TWICE of our concerns after a neighbor alerted us that he was out driving again. He lives in a densely populated town with moms and strollers on the sidewalks, and the thought of him killing someone is too much. We have POA and the cops told us to tow the car. I checked with my attorney and we would need guardianship in order to do that. The police flat out said, “we are not arresting this man. I don’t know what your plan is, - maybe it’s to let him die here, but he needs to learn to use Uber app and get involved with “senior activities!” The female officer then said “we are not the answer. I don’t know why he can’t drive, he seems fine to me!” OMG!!! The police were NO help! I felt like I was on trial! I had to explain he can’t drive with fluid on his brain... he has cognitive impairment! They SAW him driving, breaking the law, refused to do anything, then advised us to break the law by taking the car! I hope ya’ll have better luck with your local law enforcement!

My mother was age 85 and started to have memory losses. I was afraid of her driving so one day I went out to her car and removed the battery from it. When she tried to start it the car would not start and I told her that the car was going to cost a lot to fix. She then had friends or me take her places (better then her getting into an accident or hurting someone)

Around 20 years ago, my father's mother ran into her apartment building. She had been having about one accident every six months.
Allstate REFUSED to cancel her car insurance saying they cannot do that to old people. When she ran into the apartment building she also re-broke her back. She was a very stubborn and nasty woman. We brought her home from the hospital. I was there within a few feet of her, and she got up without telling me to go to the bathroom. She started screaming for me to pick her up as she was falling. I could not do that due to her weight. She ended up in the hospital again then sent to assisted living and finally a nursing home. My father had the insurance pay for her car and the apartment building. Then he cancelled the policy. While she was in the hospital the second time, he took her keys and told her apartment leasing folks that she would not be back. Due to her bad temper, she lost her ability to drive and to live on her own. One day, she threw her room mate's clothes into the trash can. We had to find another place for her to go after that.

I must say in response to those who would install a toggle switch or some other device to disable the car, what's stopping them from trading it in and just replacing it with another car? This crossed my mind reading some of the comments here. Yes, this is very possible because if a car doesn't run when it otherwise would, the elder can trade it in for another car that will run. Depending on how recently the person bought the car, they may go to another shop and have the car towed there and any mechanic would be able to spot the toggle switch and remove it, especially at the dealership where the person bought the car

Pam9001

You would only be responsible if you were the elder's guardian. Otherwise, no you're not responsible if the elder has an accident, the responsibility falls solely on the driver if they caused the accident

Someone mentioned hear about someone still driving at 90. I wouldn't necessarily call the doctor a jerk off, some people up in age can still drive very safely as long as they continue being able to pass the test and as long as their brains are still functioning and able to allow them to drive safely. I had a foster grandpa who drove well up into his old age and he drove very safely. Not everyone up in age needs to give up driving because some of them are actually still pretty safe.

Be very careful trying to take the keys away from people because not everyone lays them down and not everyone carries the ignition key on the same ring as the other keys. Not every woman carries a purse either, so getting the keys away from such a case as that may be more difficult or even impossible. Some people are more careful with the keys than you think. Sometimes people may carry as few keys as absolutely possible because not everyone likes to carry a big wad of keys. It's never a good idea to go and some lady's purse to grab her keys, this is disrespect for her and her stuff. This is one good example as to why I among other women prefer her not to carry a purse because I don't want someone else's hands in my purse, I'm one of those kinds who will knock you out if I catch you reaching for my stuff. Reaching into someone's purse is never a good idea and you do so at your own risk. Also vandalizing someone's car so it won't run is never a good idea and also stealing someone's car is never a good idea. The other alternatives in this article are actually very proper and appropriate. I highly recommend just going through the proper channels if someone needs to get off the road.

I should add, my husband has power of attorney over all financials and property - car is property and I even ran it thru my legal dept at work.

BTW - please check with your parents' car insurance coverage to see if they are even covered. Believe it or not no matter how many times we told the attorneys that if she and God forbid killed someone, that no insurance would be there because her license was suspended, they refused to act. So we did.

We tried the DMV - they sent letters, notices - she threw them away. She threw away the fix it ticket notices - that went from $25 to $513 when we paid it the other day. DMV suspended her license in October; her court-appointed attorney insisted she has a right to drive until they say she can't.

So stip in conservatorship court said we would take her to DMV to get tested. Only problem was that DMV said she couldn't do that anymore as she ignored all those notices. Now she had to have an administration hearing. We told her CAAttorney that we would not do that as they recommended an attorney be present. He refused. (seriously).

So we took the keys. Neighbors help locate 2nd set of keys in boxes belonging to dead boyfriend in the house. (seriously).

Went down yesterday - got the 2nd set of keys AND took the car. Lots of anger, stress, she beat on my husband - but it's now in storage and away from her.

And our attorney (yes, ours) says her attorney can claim we are in breach.
We are all in the "bring it on" stage now.

Oh and her CAAttorney claims she has mild dementia; Neurologist states she has full on Alzheimer's Disease - dementia was a year ago. I will be personally reporting her CAAttorney to the State Bar when this is over.

My elder's doctor had to be *strongly* persuaded to report him/her to the California DMV. The DMV went through the motions, but gave my elder a clean bill of driving health!

We do what we can to minimize my elder's driving -- but we cannot stop it altogether. S/he's still got it together enough that mechanical trickery or "lost" keys won't work.

If an accident happens -- no matter where I am at the time -- I believe I am as morally and ethically responsible as if it were me behind the wheel. (I'm the only locally available backup driver.)

Legally, however, we have no standing at present. After reading the latest on this thread, I will seek professional legal advice. But even if I am not legally liable, my moral/ethical responsibility remains.

i'm gonna get locked up. .

Pam, you asked if you would be responsible if Dad got into an accident. I was wondering about that to.... someone else had also asked that question and got a few replies https://www.agingcare.com/questions/family-responsible-for-elder-involved-in-accident-148084.htm

my dad is 94 and memory problems and insists on driving. he goes to the casino as often as possible. Doctor and lawyer say to take the keys and I did once and was bullied by my brothers to give back. They made him promise to just stay in the neighborhood and not casino. In his defense he drives to a place to get the bus and they drive but dad loses track of time and then gets the later bus and we spend the time chasing him all over Gods creation because sin the dark he gets lost. I am at my wits end and dad says " you will Never get my keys again". I got angry because my brothers don't see the problem. Here is the deal, 1 bro lives a distance, maybe 45 mins to an hour away and is never called because brother 2 thinks he has to protect him from everything. # 1 has best of both worlds. Then there is me and of the three of us I am the older, then there is our sister, she is the oldest and she is out of state. Because of that, they don't think she has a say. I am at my wits end. It is so hard with no support and then dad is belligerent. I am ready to write them all off. It is killing me because I love dad and he is making it so hard. I was wondering if anyone knows if we are responsible if dad has an accident and don't take the keys. Thanks

If you want to read a very sad story about an elderly driving (hit and run), read this: thedenverchannel/news/local-news/85-year-old-marshall-smith-given-probation-for-killing-woman-in-hit-and-run-on-colorado-exposition

My mother's jerk of a doc said it was great she was still driving past 90.

Had a 'kill switch' installed. Local mechanic know of it, so Mother can call and 'can't find problem'. It's worked so far and one set of keys are in possession of trusted neighbor, for use as needed. The other set is 265+ miles away.

I went on line to my states DMV, printed out the form to report unsafe drivers as my mother's dr. would not do it. He said we could do it ourselves. We filled it out and sent to DMV asking to be kept anonymous. My mother has Alzheimer's. 4 weeks later mom received as letter and a form from DMV. She has to take the form to her dr for him to fill out and he had to send the results to DMV. 2 weeks later, DMV notified my mother that her license was revoked on such and such a day, about 5 days from the date of the letter. We live in Ca....other states may be different. Good Luck to all of you!.

What do you do when a senior has been reported to her/his doctors, and the doctors report the senior to the DMV, only to have the DMV gives her/him a clean bill of health, while minor (unreported) incidents keep piling up? (We hear about the incidents many days after the fact.) In this case, the person's still got it together enough that trickery won't work.

I am dealing with a narcisstic 89+ year old dad who was told by physicians 5 years ago he shouldn't be driving. We've tried all of the above. Eventually the DMV and MAB demanded that he provide medical proof that he was capable of driving. He knows that no doctor will sign off and they won't renew his license until he provides proof. He has Parkinson's and IPF and has been in and out of NH for 18 months. He blames me for everything (I was just supposed to shutup and do what I was told) He tries to get his way. When that doesn't work he becomes verbally abusive and begins to make threats, then he becomes physically abusive. I know he can't really hurt anyone. I'm just so very tired. He's driven everyone else away.

what choice is there you have to do what is right and take the keys away.

An alternative that has been used, with success here, is to install a 'kill switch' that the 'elder' is not able to locate, nor disarm. It can be as simple as toggle/push button installed on main circuit at fuse panel. They still have keys, but no operational function w/o by-pass. There are numerous ways around the situation w/o taking the keys, if that is your intent.