My mother-in-law felt the same way. She had always been busy managing things and keeping in contact with others. When she was in an extended care facility, she felt guilty when she needed care herself. I explained that she was now providing employment for staff members hired to see to their care there, and that she could still visit her friends, especially the ones in recovery or the nursing home who couldn't be amongst the higher functioning ladies there and be a friend to them now that they were more cut off. She made it a point to make her way to that part of the facility to visit them and maybe help them write a letter or something. Fortunately, her mental abilities stayed pretty high until she passed, and she no longer complained about feeling useless. I had a high regard for her abilities and ethics and felt lucky she was my mother-in-law.

I'm not sure how to phrase this (because I'm so tired) so let's try saying it like this "My mom thinks because she can't cook an entire meal, that she can't peel a potato." I think it's a cop-out and it frustrates me to no end. I care for her and my 12 year old. I am the sole wage earner, chief, cook and bottle washer. I'm an only child so there is no support system. My son has picked up on her bad habits and I have pointed out to both of them that we are a team and we have to work together. It doesn't phase either one of them...i told my mom that she is the example my son is looking up to. She doesn't seem to care.

my husband seems to be the same way by thinking he is useless now. I try to bring games to play and the newspaper but he is bored.

The one thing that has helped me from giving up when the going gets tough is reading the Holy Bible to her and doing that it grows both are faith and we realized Hey we will all die eventually probably a good idea to know what we can expect when we finally do! and how to get into heaven!

A feeling of worthlessness can happen to anyone that is in the impersonal nature of a care home. Although the it is termed a care home, your mom or dad most vie for the attention of a limited number of staff members who are responsible for many, many seniors.

My wife Loved it when I would read to her the Holy Bible and tell her what I learned from it. I think it helped us both more than i knew. We grew closer to the Lord and each other, Putting the stress and pressure of care giving onto the solders of the one who made us was hard at first but as my relationship with him grew,less was the stress and pressure of care giving,not sure how that worked but it dose.

JohnDe: Sounds like listening is your wife's way to help. Any kids around? Kids of all ages need practice reading aloud.

More post to all of you!

You two sound like a wonderful team.

This is a wonderful, loving idea that works well in this instance and it warms my heart to learn of Sara Jane's success...Many of us though have loved ones who no longer are capable of such tasks. For my husband, we have agreed that 1) all plastic bags need to be individually folded and placed in empty tissue boxes. and 2) all movies and TV shows we watch must be "rated" for future reference. This is his job along with cutting coupons on days when he is up to it. We use childrens scissors which our grandchildre "just happened" to leave here. Everyone of our generation needs a useful task. That is the way we lived all our lives.

My wife's dementia is fortunately still in the early stages, but her arthritis and macular degeneration make it impossible for her to do any of the old activities she loved. She can't watch television and finds talking books boring. The only thing she likes is when I read the crossword puzzle clues and she comes up with the answers.
I can't do that 8 hours a day and she is bored out of her mind the rest of the time. Any other ideas?

I think this is a great idea. Ki

Cool. I like it. :-) She sounds just like my GMA, she used to help the staff at her care facility by placing bibs out at the table before meals.

I love the idea of using her skills for others. My MIL had the same feelings about herself when in assisted living. I commented that she could still be a good friend to others, and so she formed a news group to watch and comment on the news, she visited others from her floor when they had to go to the attached hospital or rehab or memory care to stay in touch and be a friend. Her interest in others helped both them and her and she felt she had a purposeful life still.

Thank you do much for sharing this eith us. At the risk of sounding sentimental, you are clearly a lovely daughter to go to such lengths to help your mum to find a purpose. She did a great job of raising you. Just a thought...how's about knitting tiny blankets for pre-term babies or for the memore boxes that hospitals help parents to put together after a baby has passe away? What ever you decide to do I know that you both will be a huge Blessing in what you do. Xx