It is so important to listen to the wants and needs of our senior loved ones, especially when it comes to their preferences on aging in place. This blog has some more great tips: http://allcarelivingservices.com/blog/
I have always told my mom that I want her to be as independent as she can be. She plays cards with friends, bunko, mexican train and she has a tap dancing class she goes to every Tuesday night. We live in an over 55 community and with no big yard work to be done or big jobs. She still drives locally. I do worry about her short term memory. I have a hard time witnessing her child like behavior. I have had to look deeper inside myself and ask why? My realization was that this isn't my MOM that I have always known my entire life. And part of me is angry about it and part of me understands and I need to except this moving forward. She's my mom and I am her daughter and her guardian angel until it's her time to cross over.
My backing off was by putting a commode in my moms bedroom. I quit work, left my husband and house and own family (temporarily) to stay with mom in her own home where she wanted to be and was her 24-7 caregiver. (Rather than in a NH). She kept her dignity and was never incontinent, although I was worried sick every night. Eventually hospice was involved for about 2 weeks. But, the last face she saw was mine and the last words she heard was 'I love you'. Still miss her every day, but i know she is at peace.
I agree -- such good thoughts! My mom tends to flip from independence to dependence -- wants to be her old self, or wants to be like an infant.... The truth is somewhere in between. So sometimes I also have to hold my mom's hand while she gets discouraged and tries to be more helpless than she is. Sometimes I have to be open to the idea that I might know more about her capabilities than she does -- not that I definitely do, but that I might! Not argue with her, just know within myself.
What a fabulous artical and how I'd wished I'd read something like that eight months ago?
My 90 year old very in dependant dad was given surgery as a result of bowel cancer diagnosed 5 years ago but denied and ignored all the signs. The surgeon said the most we could hope for was a few day to a week. The bowel cancer had Metatastised to his liver and along with a large AAA things looks grim. However, after 3 weeks of family love and wonderful health care, i asked him if he'd like to come home and I would take care of him. It was that complete role reversal that we hear about. I gave up my £30,000pa medical job and brought him home just the same as my mum, 12 years previously, we were there when she took her last breath.
So changing stoma bags and dressings became my life! His 82 year old girlfriend refused to lift a finger! Except to write cheques out for herself!
Just before Christmas, my dad started to get very abusive and aggresive to me... And then told me to go home, his non live in g/f was also very adamant that I should leave them to resume their lives together. I was hurt beyond words but left anyway.
He has continued to get stronger and has just remodelled the kitchen, tiling etc.
I suppose in my ignorance I couldn't see I was 'cramping their style'.. And oh yes, they still do, apparently!!
Once again thank you for pointing out that our elders are people too.
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Respecting the Right to Age With Dignity
My 90 year old very in dependant dad was given surgery as a result of bowel cancer diagnosed 5 years ago but denied and ignored all the signs. The surgeon said the most we could hope for was a few day to a week. The bowel cancer had Metatastised to his liver and along with a large AAA things looks grim. However, after 3 weeks of family love and wonderful health care, i asked him if he'd like to come home and I would take care of him. It was that complete role reversal that we hear about. I gave up my £30,000pa medical job and brought him home just the same as my mum, 12 years previously, we were there when she took her last breath.
So changing stoma bags and dressings became my life! His 82 year old girlfriend refused to lift a finger! Except to write cheques out for herself!
Just before Christmas, my dad started to get very abusive and aggresive to me... And then told me to go home, his non live in g/f was also very adamant that I should leave them to resume their lives together. I was hurt beyond words but left anyway.
He has continued to get stronger and has just remodelled the kitchen, tiling etc.
I suppose in my ignorance I couldn't see I was 'cramping their style'.. And oh yes, they still do, apparently!!
Once again thank you for pointing out that our elders are people too.