I believe your exercise in metacognition will be your strongest coping skill as you continue on your path. Your mention of context is so important, and how, without it, understanding and memory cannot flourish.

However, I do believe the self exists. Hope brings up an excellent point - to what degree does Alzheimer's change personality? I think the answer lies in a holistic view of the person - body, mind and spirit/genetics and environment. My mother is also 92 and her family doctor has attributed her symptoms to Alzheimer's. I think with any brain disease it is so important to separate the physical roots and manifestations of the disease from the personality. If we look at the psychology definition of personality, it is essentially a system of beliefs, values and responses to external events. So, to me, your personality determines how you will respond to illness. Although environmental factors and personal experiences can change our world view and belief system, I believe that some there is an disposition and pattern of responses. So, as in Hope's case, her mother's response to loss of control was always anger. Her attitude and relationship with her daughter existed years ago, long before the Alzheimer's tool hold. The disease just exacerbated the anger and emotionally abusive tendencies. The same holds true for my mother - she has harboured a lot of anger all her life and always needed to be in control, even though she complained about how unfair it was that she was burdened with so much responsibility. Life events left her feeling bitter. The Alzheimer's didn't change her personality; it just brought out the worst in it.

My surrogate dad develop dementia, and I started noticing that he was just not himself during his spells. He was not the same person I knew until those spells had passed. Yes, dementia can definitely change who a person is as it progresses, I saw it happen with dad. I only wish I was thinking to give him coconut oil at the time, because coconut oil has been found to dramatically improve symptoms and help restore patients back to their usual norm. When you have no experience with dementia, spotting and recognizing it is near impossible.

My mom is 92 and she has dementia, I have been taking care of her finances for her for the past 2 years, I can't reason with her at all, she thinks I have her money, well her money is in her bank, I don't have it, she wants her checkbook, that's all she can think about, should I give it to her?

If not for this site, I would be traumatized by what my mom is going through. Many thanks.

I love that you are expressing yourself candidly as many can benefit... and I do hope the medical community can make use of the treasure you are offering.

I have to say, however....

There is no "self" has to be the greatest form of denial I have ever heard of. And yes, even if one is a Buddhist. Just the fact that your self is changing is proof it exists. I'm only saying this because denying self in any way is tragic. Being yourself is really not a choice... but please, keep being your beautiful self and help us understand. Your "self" is greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for taking us down your path of Alzheimer's, l found it interesting! I'm 2 1/2 yrs. into my mom's journey into Dementia! I've had very few distractions since l started taking care of her. My mom seems so much like herself, as l remember her! At 92 she has anger, and no respect for me as a caregiver, an does not know who l am. I am just the hired help, that gets paid well! I think that to go down that road that was a gradual slope she seemed at one time to have a keen awareness of loosing her ability to live alone or what was going to happen to her had to be frighting! Now all mom has is anger an not much ability to communicate. But still has all the traits she had when she was well! I hope this makes since to you.

You are brave and very articulate. Keep writing and if those doctors and doctors to be don't read it now, I hope they will later. You are helping so many with your words. They will live a long time.

I found your blog interesting on this subject of self and I hope you will continue to write to the rest of us. My father is going through the same journey - further along - but cannot express his feelings the way you can. It is helpful for me to hear it through another who is able to analyze and articulate. One of the things that intrigues me is that my father has retained his excellent vocabulary and is, in fact, using more complex words to express himself than I would have expected or remembered him using in the past.

Recent results of research suggests that memory problems can be successfully addressed using a plant based diet (lots of fruits and veggies, and other sources of protein than red meat) including vitamin supplementation among other things.
See Jan Carper's book:
100 SIMPLE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT ALZHEIMER'S
Carper is a long time jounalist who was diagnosed with the ALzheimer's gene, ApoE4.
Everything in the book is something that can be easily done. The book is also a quick, easy read.
Her suggestions are all based on proven results some of which are practiced by doctors and researchers themselves.

Yes, thank you. You are an honest and courageous soul. You have voiced many people's concerns about what happens to their self, their being. Perhaps in the end, our essential selves never truly change. Our soul , our spirit, goes on.

Thank you for your courageous,sensitive and intelligent exploration of your journey. Perhaps all of us fear this path, since we may be genetically inclined to experience it. Your grace is inspiring.