I want to applaud your courage. Your ability to face the facts your are dealing with instead of going into denial must have something to do with your former life as a physician. It seems to me that you may have let go of the social status you enjoyed but the doctor's mind-set and approach to problems has stayed with you! I wonder if there are psychiatrists or therapists who specialize in helping people who are in the early stages of your disease to prepare for their loss? Is our emotional health something that survives the loss of our cognitive ability?

My mom died of Alzheimer's a few years ago. Everybody at the AL place where she ended up in memory care said that people who have sunny dispositions in early life will have the same sunny disposition when suffering from Alzheimer's. She was very slow to anger if ever, almost never became even impatient. She was an angel and everybody loved her. BTW if you have a social person who has Alzheimer's and you think you're doing them a favor by keeping them home with family, mom was a teacher and a former performer with the Sacramento symphony. In fact she was first clarinet. She loved everybody and everybody loved her. Mom absolutely flourished when she went into memory care and had several best friends right from the start. she was always bathed and dressed perfectly right down to the accessories... Obviously things she couldn't put in her mouth. but all of her needs were met daily at the same time. She had activities going on every waking moment. Mom never took naps. She was extremely active and social, she just had no idea of the world was turning. the way my husband and I dealt with the sadness was to keep a constant sense of humor and fortunately there were plenty of angry patients on the Memory Care floor to converse with. I hope we don't go to hell for it but we had so many laughs not at the people but with them. For instance the time my husband said it was time to feed the cat... So he pretended he was putting it into the bird cage. everybody gathered around to watch. Of course he never put the kitty in there, but he was extremely entertaining to the people there, so who got hurt ?...nobody. now we are doing with Daddy who is the polar opposite. No matter what it's always the complaint department wide open. Never a please or thank you, just when are you coming back? And I don't understand why you can't stay longer when we've been there 7 hours. OMG that one I don't think we will survive that's why we're leaving the state. Finished

I also wanted to say "try to not worry..." I know that's much easier said than done. But you have no control over this, now or later. I say do your best to feel good about yourself, your life, your memories, about the day... every day. Someone mentioned meditation (I guess to another reader's comment), yes! Even if that is just washing dishes, but being present about it. Feel the water, the suds. Like a child. Here's a Zen truism: What happens before enlightenment? Answer: Chop wood, carry water. What happens after enlightenment? Chop wood, carry water. It's probably the title of a book (I can't remember). You get the idea. By the way, I get a lot of mental health/spiritual health assistance, from persons in my area and from the internet (so I'm not saying I have all the answers or that I can't relate!). Be brave, dear doctor, you have done so much to help people in this world. And if you can't be brave, okay then. That's okay too. Blessings to you and those you love.

So poignant and real. I do want to say that I had a neighbor who had Alzheimer's and he never got angry; just slowly faded away. Maybe that statement makes people feel angry because we want to FEEL ALIVE while we are still alive! I don't know. I have multiple sclerosis and I have lots of help so that I accept it, accept the cognitive and of course, drastic lifestyle and physical changes, as well "not knowing" what is yet to come. Just came off a nice long plateau and dealing now with constant vertigo (my old nemesis!). Anyway, just wanted to tell you that I do know of a case of someone who did not become angry from his Alzheimer's disease. And thank you for writing from your heart!

NY daughterInLaw, thanks for the excellent ideas. I've always thought of myself as being a positive light and voice, and that's how I keep going. It's true that her negativity is about her condition, not me. Thx.

I appreciate the honesty. It helps to hear that we are not alone in what we feel.

How draining! As caregivers our instinct is to solve problems. We are used to listening in order to get information that will help us solve problems. Can you try to catch and stop yourself from interjecting positive statements? I don't have someone with Alzheimer's but I do have two old people who have their own unhappiness with how they're aging. Now that my inlaws are in independent living I don't have to listen to them to get information to solve their problems. Now, I just listen and when they vent negativity I don't internalize it because I it's part of their fear and loathing of what is happening to them. It took a little practice to catch and stop myself from helping/being encouraging but we can form new habits in just three weeks if we apply ourselves. Be grateful that you are not in your sister's shoes. Maybe mediate for 5 minutes before calling and listening to her. Try writing down the negative statements she makes because it helps get things out of our minds. When you're done talking to her reward and refresh yourself. Finally go to your local library and check out Roz Chast's "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" I wish you lots of luck!

It takes a lot of courage to face this aspect of Alzheimers. My sister has recently been moved to assisted living where more of her needs can be met. Both in the weeks before and now in the weeks following she has been completely negative. No matter what anyone says or does for her, she twists it into suspicion and anger for that person. I live 1000 miles away, but she's ask me to talk to her daily. I willingly do that, but her unhappiness stays with me, day and night, taking a toll on my life and emotional state. If I ever try to insert a positive comment, about food or her adult care-giver children or her setting, she says something sharply like, "Don't argue with me!" What to do? She seems to have no insight about her disease, but it's not my place to explain that to her. Any ideas?