I was so saddened to read your comment, Finished. It hurts my heart to know you are one of many caregivers shouldering overwhelming and crushing responsibilities. I think I survived my own caregiving experience by prioritizing ruthlessly. One of those priorities was seeing that at least a few of my most important needs were met. I admire your devotion to your father but I hope you will also be devoted to your husband, yourself and your marriage. Your father's vote may be to stay in your home but in a democracy, two against one carries the vote. Have you tried in-home care? If so, and that isn't working, then your father may need to move to a care facility, like it or not. I just attended a dinner party this weekend and one of the other guests went off on how only Americans put their parents in care communities. I'm not sure that's true, but I do know that Americans work the longest work weeks with the least vacations than any other industrialized nations' workers. Even if that weren't a factor, I think it's unrealistic to expect family members to provide high acuity care over an extended period of time. They can still provide care for a loved one in a community, while becoming a wife, son or daughter again instead of being a nurse.

Do you have an e-mail or phone contact??

To Finished
God Bless You too and hope you can find some peace after ALL you have done.

I had my first diagnosis of multiple myeloma stage 3 when I was 44. until then I had exemplary health...I wouldn't have known I was sick except I fell off my horse and my hip broke. it didn't break all the way at first, so I stayed active and a few months later again riding my horse my neck broke. after my diagnosis which was grim because that cancer only has 3 stages..I was there.. I was given a stem cell transplant which later I found out I didn't need. I was also given radiation treatments I later found out I didn't need. If my husband hadn't taken me to Cancer Centers of America when the cancer came back 5 years later, I would be dead I was already blind in one eye from all the lesions on my spine. we were part time caregivers for my mother who had Alzheimer's. It was a very stressful time... Immediately after her death my now 87 year old father became completely dependent on us. we never have even a day of peace together. My husband finally suffered a heart attack... A massive heart attack completely due to stress. We were only 50 then and I said enough is enough. We are not going to give up the rest of our lives to take care of my father who has long term care insurance enough to set him up in the nicest place weve seen. Club Med for seniors, but he swears that place is full of old people and he's not old. He refuses to go and continues to lean on us daily. mom spent the last three months of her life there and she was the happiest she had been in years. it's a tragedy we didn't have her in there before that. The money was there, my dad was allowed to spend the night if he wanted to but his selfishness kept her at home where she constantly fell on the hardwood floors. She was always bruised and bleeding because he was too old to take care of her, but he wouldn't let her go. The moral of my story is that I don't believe because we are born, that we should be expected to be endentured slaves to our elder parents later. I would absolutely do whatever I could for my husband, at this point the best thing I can do for him is to make sure that if I get really sick, I do not end up a burden to him. I'll do whatever I have to do to make sure that never happens because these last few years with my dad have ruined many aspects of our lives... Practically killed us both. I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. His story is all too common, so young, so sad. would you have done the same for an aging parent?? I must sound very selfish to you, but I don't think that's my responsibility especially after all we have been through. my hat is off to you for having been through it all and come out with a positive attitude. I find myself more depressed as time goes on because what little bit of life I may have left I'm afraid might be spent caring for this abusive dementia addled ghost of who my father used to be. I guess I am NOT a born caregiver. But neither do I expect anybody that I love to care for me. I would never allow my children or my spouse to be saddled with the unending nightmare that caregiving is. do you think if your situation was different financially, your husband would have allowed outside help to give you a break??after all even though you are obviously altruistic in nature you are also a human being. I'm happy you're keeping a positive attitude.. you must be a very rare bird...rare indeed. May God bless you and bring you peace and happiness which you richly deserve.