If anything can kill "the mood" it's caregiving. Nothing is as unsexy as seeing the ugly side of aging. Everything is clouded by the lens of caregiving. Does the new ICD-10 have a code for failure to thrive due to caregiving? I'd just like to start by having fun again rather than be expected to have sex when the intimacy has been so frayed by my inlaws' problems. I can't remember the last time I had the urge to masturbate let along jerk off my spouse.
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I'm 58 and post-menopausal. I work full time and when I'm not at work, I care for my 83 year old dad, who has dementia. I have been fully celibate for the couple of years that I've had him, and I am climbing the walls. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose it by not using it! I'm so on edge I can't stand it, and the thing I'm missing, besides full-body lovemaking) is having someone to sleep with, hold me, and tell me it's going to be all right. And I'm scared that when I lose dad (assuming I outlive him) and find someone to be intimate with, that I then won't be able to, because my tissues will have long ago turned to dust. Frustrating stuff.
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If as a caregiver and woman, you're tired. Just like when we have children and we work.....as women, we are expected to do it all. ..the hell with servicing our partner/spouse. Let HIM do it himself!
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I learned alot about my own physical problems from this article. Thank you very much.
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Sex don't make me loli can't find time to pee real is and should it be that important grow up men do not have sex with there male friends and they stay close to them and a truly bonded couple can have a great life with out sex if they truly love each other maybe I can't speak for others but for myself and my mate absents has been great as we have discovered the mind and heart are forever bonded while the sexual highß fade fast
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I began caring for my aging parents when I was in my early 30's. I'm now in my early 40's living with my mother as her 24/7 caregiver. I would like to have sex, a romantic relationship - BEFORE I hit menopause. By the time I'm ready to date again - I'll be the oldest born-again virgin EVER on the planet! Kudos for the author trying to find a way to support the caregiver's needs - for once. My substitute for sex has been red wine, hot Jacuzzi bath, and listing to soothing New Age music.
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Wow! I've raised my family, had 2 hernia surgeries, tubes tied, pelvic floor dropped, went to PT for 3 yrs. & still going, real back issues very painful & now taking care of my 88 yr old Mother. We lost my Dad earlier this yr. Neither she or I have gotten over that yet. Now, my Mom in six months time has had double hernia surgery & broken the same leg twice after making a months progress in PT, so back in NH doing PT again. Now she seems to be getting dementia which I think is partly drug induced from the stuff they use to put you to sleep. Morphine & Dilauden. I am so busy trying to do estate stuff, insurance papers, schedule sitters, answer calls from the folks at the NH, go thru mail, pay bills, keep her house up, listen to her gripe, I'm exhausted & I fall asleep in the recliner with my lap top in my lap. Couldn't the stand by your man guy/husband jack hisself off...or just for once instead of being selffish & self-centered just offer to hold me, no strings attached. Says he could but..men of this world are so selffish & self centered & sex seems to be the only outlet they have to satisfy their needs. Look how many preachers, political guys seem to be apologizing for..getting caught having affairs. Oh my husband says he could/would hold me but ya know everything I ask for has a string attached, sex. Always been there, human nature. What a turn off. Man in the beginning the courtship is so exciting & the sex is so good for the first 25 yrs.Still wants to be the Man but dresses like a hobo, always got to be grabbing something, blowing his nose, hucking mucus, hygene is little bit lacking, sometimes just nasty..so unattractive. I'm not hi maintenance but some of my girlfriends are & they have most of the same issues with their men. I must be the nieve one or dilusional one to think I'd be happy in my old age with my husband getting to travel since that was put off to pay off the house, now all I hear is I ain't got no money for that or I really don't want to go anywhere cause my back hurts. Guess that dream of sitting behind that all American picket fence sitting on the front porch drinking sweet tea or lemonaide just enjoying life & the fresh breeze, listening to the radio, accomlishments we'd made, well all them promises just flew out the window. Now, these same gfriends just take care of themselves & do what they want & go where they want & therefore live a less stressful life. What a coincidence...sex & money are at the root of all evil..Oh well guess I've vented enough. Ya'll have a great weekend!
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How to find a new sex partner is not discussed (not so easy given the logistic constraints on caregivers).
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For women caregivers who are no longer interested in sex, perhaps they can masturbate their spouse regularly.
This should solve the sexual problem.
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