Dad is a navy veteran who served 2years in wartime. He is currently in assisted living but AL cannot manage his colostomy. He is having many accidents due to not changing pouches and wafers often enough. Would VA be able to send a VN or other to help him shower and manage in AL.? If not he will have to go into nursing home but doesn't need help with anything else.

Great article.

wamnanealz - Find out if there is a regional VA office in your area. There are many located in small cities around the country with people available to get you started on the application process.

Wow just heard from one of our posters, she has the VA nursing service and just asked the RN if she could order the Medic Alert for her husband and she said yes and placed the order, now the twist is, the caretaker wears the Medic Alert, because your spouce with AD will be of no help if you fall and God forbid brake a leg. But your covered if you need it to summon help for him/her or yourself. DO IT!

You do not have to go to Baltimore, just call their phone number the Service Officers travel every state for the DAV, VFW AL etc. and you have POA so no you do not have to take Bill.

I too was told to go to Disabled Vets, for help! But it is in Baltimore which is over two hours from my home. Must I take my husband, who is terrible incontinent, along on the visit? He would not do well on that long trip and neither would I. I ma nervous driving in high traffic and new situations. I am the only caregiver and I don't know what would happen to Bill if something happens to me! Is it really worth it to go to disabled vets?

So thankful for this Marlis, my husband is under VA, career USN Officer Korea/Vietnam Nam he was given 10% for Tinnitus in 2013 ( ER visit to VA hospital, that's when I found out if he did not have a claim in for disability we would be charged 80% of the hospital stay - new rules under Obamacare - 2 days and we had it and averted that monetary setback) Anyone reading this getting the claim in is your step in the door to a VA disability rating. We are currently working on moving the disability up and something is being done to gain this hoping to get to 70% that's the magic number to get VA to accept him in the full time Alzheimer's Unit. He was a fuels officer which left him with many respiratory problems Dont go directly to VA, but contact your local VFW, DISABLED VETERANS, AMERICAN LEGION and look for their Service Officers phone number call and make an appointment, they will do all the paperwork for you, Ferris1, with Agent Orange your husband should be way up in the % numbers, submit another claim through one of the above organizations. Also I am having the same showering problems as Maris described.

Thanks for updating us on Charlie's changes. My dad, too, changed his shower routine from every other day to weekly, then to biweekly. Soon it was just once a month. Having an outside caregiver come in to shower him helped a lot. He doesn't give them a hard time. But he does try to negotiate with them to cut corners or skip hair washing. Informative article, too.

My ares, the CLC must have seen a pattern in your husband's behavior that they just could not ignore. I'm glad that they were proactive and contacted you tactfully about their concern for your welfare.

I filled out all the VA paperwork in hopes we might qualify for some assistance, perhaps with meds, but since y husband's medical problems are not service related we apparently do not qualify. Any comments?

Thank you, Marlis..my husband has a lot of prostate problems, but so far not cancer. She has an enlarged prostate, frequent urinary tract infections, difficulty urinating, etc. He takes antibiotics and several other medicines for this. I appreciate your answer. marymember

To answer Marymember: Charlie's prostate cancer, not his dementia, was attributed to exposure to Agent Orange. Marlis

How did Marliss get help from the VA for Agent Orange the cause of Alzheimers? marymember

Very informative! Too bad all vets are not eligible. My husband gets some services but he was not in combat or career so limited help but I do get respite and help with adult day care which is a great help.!

Great article! Most veterans and their families don't realize that the Social Worker is a wonderful resource also. I had been checking into the nursing homes locally and state veteran homes as I knew I was not going to be able to care for my husband alone much longer. As you, nights were my worse when a combo of PTSD and LBD made my husband very aggressive towards me.. When he was at the VA for respite, they called me and asked if I wanted him to stay in the CLC there. They had the space and I was told "off the record" by the Dr that they were concerned for my safety.. I was taken aback as I was not expecting that, but had several phone calls during his respite about his behaviors, even making some nurses and caregivers weary of going near him. The social worker there called me and the head of the CLC and all urged me to let him stay there.. So, he is now there, about 70 miles from home, but all highway so a little over an hours drive. I usually go every other day and bring lunch and spend a couple hours with him.. Just want to remind those that are enrolled in the VA health system your Drs., social workers are there to help you..

Thank you so much for this article! My husband was exposed to Agent Orange too, but his disability is only 10%, but there are times I need some respite too even though I am a nurse and his sole caregiver. Again, my best to you both and thank you! Ferris