Thank you. I really needed to hear this today

Even after entering assisted living my sister and I tried to include mom in family get togethers. At Thanksgiving 2016, I had to assist getting mother dressed and ready to go to my house where every one got together. It was difficult seeing her fall asleep sitting at the table while we talked. Then on her 85th birthday, we celebrated at the assisted living with close family and a few friends. Again, we tried to honor her wishes to take her to her church the next day. However, when we arrived to help her get dressed, mother was in such a deep sleep she could not be roused. The staff said she had stayed awake all night walking the halls. Now mother essentially is total care, has rare days she is alert and most time misses meals due to her being unarousable. Essentially she is in the last stages of vascular dementia. We are so appreciative of her assisted home caregivers and staff along with the assistance from hospice. She rarely verbally communicates other than to tell the staff to quit when they are feeding or changing her. Occasionally she may raise her eyebrows when first aroused but there is no indication of recognition. Sometimes I have second thoughts of the antipsychotic medication but to bring back the agitation accompanied by the paranoia and suspicion is our reminder to palliative care at this point in her life. In looking back, my sister and myself now see the signs in place as long as 10 years ago. Sadly, we had to get assistance from probate court in order for us to take control of her well being. I pray, hopefully, 'one day' she will understand the difficult avenues we had to navigate to keep her safe along with the little assets she had to utilize for her care.

Very well stated I especially would like to go further with the petal theory. The Rose who blossomed still has life's feelings. This area requires more clarification and certain assumptions that are never discussed mainly because of lack of family education.

Appreciate this article as it not easy to understand how an elderly person still needs to feel important and loved. Have maybe not been sure how to handle communicating that would be nice for my dad to still have other hobbies and other people his age around that he can relate and talk to so he's not so lonely. He has just always been like mr fix it and he should not feel bad because he is unable to do the things could when was younger. Your article help.me have a better understanding of the importance of dignity and indepence is to older folks. Felt clueless about how to handle this situation. Thank goodness for your knowledge. Take care.